It's time to make some profits (Oh, Canada. Oh, oh, Canada)

"Tom DeLay announced he will not seek re-election and is giving up his seat in Congress. He said that he wants to concentrate now on not having to give up his seat in prison." --Jay Leno

"Mitt Romney said he will not release any more tax returns. He said that he guarantees that he paid at least 13 percent every year. 13 percent? That's not a tax, that's a tip. In fact, it's even a crappy tip." –Jay Leno

"The hot gossip in Washington is that Condoleezza Rice might have a new boyfriend. Secretary of State Rice is being linked to Canada's Foreign Minister, Peter MacKay. It's gotta be awkward dating a fellow diplomat. Like today, MacKay had to promise Condi he would get permission from the U.N. before he invaded her. Actually, I heard that she was trying to learn the Canadian national anthem. They were alone in a room and she was heard going, 'Oh, Canada. Oh, oh, Canada.'." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It is the only place in the world where robbers get to keep the money (it's not the heat that gets you; it's the stupidity)

"July was the hottest month on record in Washington, D.C. But it's not the heat that gets you; it's the stupidity." –Jay Leno

"Tom DeLay will still get to collect over a million dollars in congressional pension money. This is what's so great about Congress. It is the only place in the world where robbers get to keep the money." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It is the only place in the world where robbers get to keep the money (They get the wage and give us the minimum)

"Just one week after coming back to work, Congress took the day off today to watch this BCS football game tonight. Remember Congress promised us a five-day work week. It didn't even last a week. That's why they want to raise the minimum wage. They get the wage and give us the minimum." --Jay Leno

"Tom DeLay will still get to collect over a million dollars in congressional pension money. This is what's so great about Congress. It is the only place in the world where robbers get to keep the money." --Jay Leno

"Now that the Supreme Court has overturned the Defense of Marriage Act, this ruling means California gay guys can finally marry someone other than Liza Minnelli." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he thinks he's too corrupt to be a leader, but not too corrupt to be just an ordinary congressman (truly fascinated by bright, shiny objects)

 

"Indicted Congressman Tom DeLay announced that he will not run for re-election as House Majority Leader but that he will run for re-election to Congress. So apparently he thinks he's too corrupt to be a leader, but not too corrupt to be just an ordinary congressman." --Jay Leno

 

"In Saudi Arabia last week, President Bush was criticized for doing a little ceremonial dance with a sword given to him by the Saudi prince. A lot of people thought the president was pandering to the Saudis. To be fair, I don't think the president was pandering. See, I think President Bush is truly fascinated by bright, shiny objects." --Jay Leno

"Sylvester Stallone announced today he is endorsing John McCain. I think that's what he said. He might have said, 'Hand me my cane.'" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They say this condition can last anywhere from a few minutes in some people to as long as two entire George W. Bush terms in office

 

"Everyone is so concerned now where all of the candidates are born. John McCain was born on a military base in Panama. Hillary Clinton was born outside Chicago, and if you believe the media, Barack Obama was born in a manger." --Jay Leno

"All kinds of gigantic sales going on after Christmas. Today in Washington, lobbyist Jack Abramoff was selling Tom DeLay at 50% off." --Jay Leno

 

"According to a study at the University of Colorado, researchers say morning grogginess can give you a feeling of being legally drunk and unable to think straight. They say this condition can last anywhere from a few minutes in some people to as long as two entire George W. Bush terms in office." --Jay Leno

 

"It looks like even President Bush is now being affected by the writers' strike. Well sure, no new 'SpongeBob' episodes." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just because I'm a prick, do I not bleed? (This was legal, but pot smoking isn't?)

"Washington, D.C. hosted a two-day conference called 'The War on Christianity.' All the usual Christians were there. Tom DeLay was there. He said Americans treat Christianity like some second-rate superstition. Another speaker called Christians 'the Jews of the 21st century.' To drive home the issue, Tom DeLay said, 'Just because I'm a prick, do I not bleed?" --Bill Maher

"These financial shenanigans that have been going on, like today I was reading that they're now putting an end to something called short selling, which is when you borrow stock that you don't own, and sell it, hoping that it will go down so that you can buy it back at a profit. This was legal, but pot smoking isn't?" --Bill Maher

 

"New rule: When President Bush meets an autistic teenager, they must wear name tags so we can tell them apart." --Bill Maher

 

"President Bush really doesn't like Mexico because he spends so much time on the toilet that he actually has to read a newspaper." --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He can still run for president of the Cayman Islands (You can spot them a mile away)

 

"Yesterday, kids all over America spent the day looking for Easter eggs. And today, their parents are in New York at Bear Stearns trying to find their nest eggs." --Jay Leno

"Actually I thought Mitt Romney was very gracious last night. He gave a very touching concession speech. And the good news for Romney is that he can still run for president of the Cayman Islands." –Jay Leno

"Indicted former Republican majority leader Tom DeLay announced he is resigning from Congress and he will not run for re-election. People were shocked. A Republican with an exit plan? They say this will be the first time Tom DeLay actually takes a vacation he pays for himself." --Jay Leno

"There is one silver lining about Mitt Romney losing the election. At least now he doesn't have to move into a smaller house." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

President Bush accused Mexico of having weapons of mass destruction (A Republican with an exit plan?)

"Mexican President Vincente Fox announced that they have discovered oil under the Gulf of Mexico. In a related story, President Bush accused Mexico of having weapons of mass destruction." --Jay Leno

"The Mexican government has been accused of encouraging its citizens to illegally immigrate to the United States. They say they're not. I'm not so sure. Someone sent me a picture of this sign in Mexico [on screen: Salma Hayek. 90 miles]." --Jay Leno

"Indicted former Republican majority leader Tom DeLay announced he is resigning from Congress and he will not run for re-election. People were shocked. A Republican with an exit plan? They say this will be the first time Tom DeLay actually takes a vacation he pays for himself." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Evidently, low approval ratings can be contracted through saliva (Another classy move from a classy guy)

Evidently, low approval ratings can be contracted through saliva." --Stephen Colbert, on the effect of President Bush kissing Joe Lieberman

"I'm going to miss him, too. Another classy move from a classy guy. The man who stood tall even as his staffers dropped like laundered nickels from an Indian casino slot machine. He's doing it right folks -- going out at the top of his game in the middle of a criminal investigation." --Stephen Colbert, on Tom DeLay

"The most dangerous movie of the summer, 'An Inconvenient Truth,' starring Al Gore as, surprise, a fear-monger. Now, I've firmly established that I love truth in all its forms: God's honest truth, cold, hard truth, even the awful truth. But, as it turns out, I'm not so crazy about inconvenient truth. Not convenient enough for me." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just because I'm a prick, do I not bleed? (they must wear name tags so we can tell them apart)

"New rule: When President Bush meets an autistic teenager, they must wear name tags so we can tell them apart." --Bill Maher

"Washington, D.C. hosted a two-day conference called 'The War on Christianity.' All the usual Christians were there.  Tom DeLay was there. He said Americans treat Christianity like some second-rate superstition. Another speaker called Christians 'the Jews of the 21st century.' To drive home the issue, Tom DeLay said, 'Just because I'm a prick, do I not bleed?" --Bill Maher

"The head of the RNC Reince Priebus attacked Democrats today for worshipping Hollywood movie stars. And then he went outside and turned on the lights on the big 50-foot statue of Ronald Reagan." –Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Bush administration -- today (coming up with a believable story)

 

"Tom DeLay will still get to collect over a million dollars in congressional pension money. This is what's so great about Congress. It is the only place in the world where robbers get to keep the money." --Jay Leno

"As you know, Hillary Clinton is now blaming her embellishment of her Bosnia trip on lack of sleep. See, that's the difference between Hillary and Bill right there. After a night of no sleep, Bill never had a problem coming up with a believable story." -- Jay Leno

"The deputy secretary for the Department of Homeland Security was arrested after he tried to seduce a 14-year-old girl online, who was actually an undercover detective. I think the terror alert has been raised to creepy. Homeland Security? We need home room security. This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Bush administration -- today." --Jay Leno

 

"Saddam Hussein ended his hunger strike after just one missed meal. I think he finally realized a hunger strike only works if people don't want you to die." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He will spend his free time doing what he loves most: slapping ice cream cones out of children's hands (ask my unicorn)

"President Bush on Tuesday reluctantly released portions of the classified report that stated the war in Iraq is adding to the terrorist threat throughout the world. Though suspiciously in some portions of the report, someone had crossed out Iraq and written in, 'Gay dudes'." –Amy Poehler of Saturday Night Live

"Yesterday, Al Gore won the Nobel Peace Prize for his work with the environment. Then, in a stunning reversal, the Supreme Court awarded it to George Bush." --Amy Poehler

"President Bush threw out the first pitch Monday at Cincinnati's great American ball park. 18 Iraqis were killed." --Amy Poehler

''While speaking in North Carolina, President Bush said, the economy is strong, and the best is yet to come. Adding: Also, the war's going great, we don't torture people, I'm 11 feet tall, and if you don't believe me, you can ask my unicorn.''

—Tina Fey

 

"Tom DeLay, embroiled in a lobbying scandal, said he will not run for re-election and he will leave Congress in a few months. DeLay says he will spend his free time doing what he loves most: slapping ice cream cones out of children's hands." --Tina Fey

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He said that he wants to concentrate now on not having to give up his seat in prison (He was horrified to hear that story)

 

"So you gotta be fair. It's not good, some of these girls charged the Eliot Spitzer up to $5,000 an hour. And when he heard that, today Sen. Larry Craig said, 'I would've done the guy for free -- This is more government waste. We can take care of these problems internally.'" --Jay Leno

"John Edwards is continuing his poverty tour around America. Today, he visited a group of people who get their haircut in a place called a 'barber shop.' He was horrified to hear that story." --Jay Leno

 

"Tom DeLay announced he will not seek re-election and is giving up his seat in Congress. He said that he wants to concentrate now on not having to give up his seat in prison." --Jay Leno

"President Bush said he's not going to see the film. He said he did go to see 'Ice Age 2: The Meltdown' so he has all the facts about global warming." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Of course there's no plan B. We don't have a plan A. (So he went from Sodom to Gomorrah)

Barack Obama is now considered the front-runner. You know what they say, behind every successful man is a woman. Hillary was surprised to find out that it was her." --Jay Leno

"The U.S. Ambassador to Iraq said today he was not aware of any plan B strategy by our government for Iraq. Of course there's no plan B. We don't have a plan A." --Jay Leno

"When they had to book [Jack Abramoff], they emptied his pockets and Tom DeLay fell out. We're learning more and more about this Abramoff guy. You know, before he was a lobbyist, he was a Hollywood producer. So he went from Sodom to Gomorrah." --Jay Leno

"Saudi Arabia announced today that contrary to rumors of dwindling oil supplies, they have plenty of oil. In fact, with the most recent estimate, they said they have enough oil to keep screwing us for the next 300 years." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A defiant President Bush said today, 'not if we get there first.' (Dependents? Oh, I thought it said defendants)

"All the other Democratic candidates are continuing to attack Hillary Clinton. In fact, in the debate the other night, they accused Hillary Clinton of having things both ways. Which is ironic, 'cause Bill's been trying to talk her into that for years." --Jay Leno

"Senator Ted Kennedy said he plans to quit the owl club, a social club that bans women. Today Hillary Clinton asked Ted if he knew of any other clubs that ban women that her husband could join." --Jay Leno

"Andy Card resigned. Finally a Republican leaving Washington not in handcuffs." --Jay Leno

"Scientists in Russia have announced they will send a man to the moon by the year 2025. A defiant President Bush said today, 'not if we get there first.'" --Jay Leno

"While President Bush was doing his taxes, under dependents he listed Scooter Libby, Tom DeLay and Jack Abramoff. Then he caught himself, 'Dependents? Oh, I thought it said defendants.'" --Jay Leno

"To give you an idea about how expensive gas is, this morning I carpooled in with Letterman." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just because I'm a prick, do I not bleed? (they must wear name tags so we can tell them apart)

"Let's see what's happening with George Dubai -- I mean W. Bush.

President Bush now says he didn't know about the Dubai port deal

until after it was approved. Apparently this is part of the White

House's 'Don't ask him, Don't tell him' policy." --Jay Leno

"Washington, D.C. hosted a two-day conference called 'The

War on Christianity.' All the usual Christians were there. 

Tom DeLay was there. He said Americans treat Christianity

like some second-rate superstition. Another speaker called

Christians 'the Jews of the 21st century.' To drive home the

issue, Tom DeLay said, 'Just because I'm a prick, do I not

bleed?" --Bill Maher

"New rule: When President Bush meets an autistic teenager,

they must wear name tags so we can tell them apart." --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

The surprise is that he's still the secretary of defense (Dependents? Oh, I thought it said defendants)

"Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld made a surprise visit

to Iraq yesterday. The surprise is that he's still the secretary

of defense, I guess." --Jay Leno

"In Orange County, President Bush was talking about

immigration. Bush said that massive deportation is

unrealistic. He said you can't just move 12 million

people to another country. I don't know, Mexico

did it." --Jay Leno

"Republicans in Congress are demanding that

President Bush investigate whether oil companies

are now gouging consumers on these gas prices.

That's a good idea, Republicans asking Republicans

to investigate other Republicans. And you know

who they're going to blame? The Democrats."

--Jay Leno

"Proponents of this amnesty program for illegal

immigrants say they are willing to take on jobs

Americans are not willing to do. You know,

like come up with an immigration policy."

–Jay Leno

"I have to admit that I turned away from the Olympics

yesterday. Fox had a more exciting sporting event on:

Softball with Dick Cheney and Britt Hume." --Jay Leno

"While President Bush was doing his taxes, under

dependents he listed Scooter Libby, Tom DeLay

and Jack Abramoff. Then he caught himself,

'Dependents? Oh, I thought it said defendants.'"

--Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

And you know what? I'm not surprised he was surprised (the love seat)

"Thousands and thousands of undocumented workers protested yesterday. President Bush was really surprised by the large number of protesters. And you know what? I'm not surprised he was surprised." --David Letterman

"Tom DeLay, embroiled in a lobbying scandal, said he will not run for re-election and he will leave Congress in a few months. DeLay says he will spend his free time doing what he loves most: slapping ice cream cones out of children's hands." --Tina Fey

"Today is the 171st birthday of the flush toilet. Or, as Senator Larry Craig calls it, 'the love seat.'" --David Letterman

"The Senate offices were evacuated when they found a suspicious substance. Turned out it was just Ted Kennedy's margarita salt." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”