"According to Secret
Service logs, convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff was at the White House only two
times in the past fives years. Of course, the real question is: was it the same
two times that President Bush was there?" --Tina Fey
"If the government
has been monitoring my phone conversations, by god, they should be paying half
of my phone sex bill." --David Letterman
"The House of Representatives passed the $70 billion tax
cut capital gains and it's all part of President Bush's 'No Millionaire Left
Behind' program." --David Letterman
"There's a guy in
Washington, D.C. and he's searching through garbage and he finds a copy of
President Bush's travel plans. Why don't we put this guy in charge of looking
for bin Laden?" --David Letterman
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