where he'll fit right in (Isn't that called New Jersey?)

"An oil slick the size of Rhode Island is making its way across the Gulf of Mexico. An oil slick the size of Rhode Island — isn't that called New Jersey?" –Jay Leno

"Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is the guy who told his wife he was going for a hike and then went to Argentina to see his girlfriend. He was then exposed as an unethical, lying, cheating weasel. In a stunning comeback, he has been elected to Congress, where he'll fit right in." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I don’t know about you but I smell a buddy movie (the most money ever spent on a virgin)

Alaska Air has announced that it’s purchasing Virgin Airlines for

$2.6 billion. It’s the most money ever spent on a virgin since my

parents bought me a car after my college graduation.

–Conan O’Brien

A huge document leak has exposed shady financial dealings involving famous people like Vladimir Putin and Jackie Chan. I don’t know about you but I smell a buddy movie. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That should definitely liven up the next season of The Bachelor (you're the first person sober enough to notice)

“And finally, a man in Illinois is suing Buffalo Wild Wings because he claims their boneless wings are just chicken nuggets. Buffalo Wild Wings was like, ‘Congrats, you're the first person sober enough to notice.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Did you guys see this? Pope Francis suggested that he's open to reviewing the Catholic church’s vow of celibacy for priests. That should definitely liven up the next season of The Bachelor.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only thing less popular in New Jersey is the top button (Hey, what does this button do?)

Donald Trump said in an interview today that it is highly unlikely that he would ever use nuclear weapons as president. Meanwhile, Ben Carson said, “Hey, what does this button do?” –Seth Meyers

Gov. Chris Christie currently has a 19 percent approval rating in New Jersey. The only thing less popular in New Jersey is the top button. –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump spent the weekend at his golf club in Bedminster, New Jersey. “Fore!” yelled Trump at a random woman he saw. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was gonna have a garage sale, but his garage is a crime scene, so it's just like — he can’t (store-brand uranium)

January 2023

“Ukrainian President Zelenskyy said that he isn't sure if Vladimir Putin is still alive. Right now, 20 Russian officials are sitting around a conference table like, ‘You poke him.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“And finally, a new study found that men who use Viagra are more likely to live longer. The worse part, Joe Biden is using the news to reassure everyone that he can serve another term.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Well, guys, today the U.S. hit the debt ceiling, which means the federal government can't borrow any more money. Right now the U.S. is $31 trillion in debt. The country's so strapped for cash, George Santos is e-mailing people pretending to be a Nigerian prince. Also to make some extra money, it’s now called the Gillette Mach3 Washington Monument.” —Jimmy Fallon

“But Republicans say they won't raise the debt ceiling unless there are drastic spending cuts. They even want us to switch our nukes to store-brand uranium. I mean, come on.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Today, Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen said extraordinary measures are being taken to keep the government's bills paid. Which explains why tonight Mitch McConnell started an OnlyFans.” —Jimmy Fallon

“That's right. Everyone wants to chip in. Today President Biden said he was gonna have a garage sale, but his garage is a crime scene, so it's just like — he can’t.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wait, he gives massages too? (Have you ever tried squeaking by on $27,000 a day?)

Speaking of Putin, Hillary Clinton just called the Russian president a world-class misogynist. When Trump heard that, he was like, "Wait, he gives massages too?" --Jimmy Fallon

"Officials in Finland say the Russian army is now conducting drills on its border. Or as Vladimir Putin calls that, 'window shopping.'" –Jimmy Fallon

More than 11.5 million documents called the “Panama Papers” just leaked, and they link Vladimir Putin to $2 billion held in secret offshore accounts. If confirmed, it could be the LEAST bad thing Putin's ever done. –Jimmy Fallon

This morning, the White House hosted their annual Easter Egg Roll. When President Trump first heard there were a bunch of bunnies on the front lawn, he told his lawyer to pay them off. --Jimmy Fallon

A new study finds that some people may be genetically programmed to be vegetarians. So in addition to having your grandmother's eyes, you can also inherit her ability to be difficult at restaurants. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or as that's called in New Jersey, “A gift basket.”

More than 11.5 million documents called the “Panama Papers” just leaked, and they link Vladimir Putin to $2 billion held in secret offshore accounts. If confirmed, it could be the LEAST bad thing Putin's ever done. –Jimmy Fallon

Amazon Prime just unveiled new buttons you can press to order Doritos, Red Bull, and Trojan condoms. Or as that's called in New Jersey, “A gift basket.” –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump is polling so badly with women that at a rally last night, he had his wife, Melania, introduce him. Because if there’s one thing that’s guaranteed to get American women on your side, it’s a foreign model who’s married to a billionaire and never has to work. –Conan O’Brien