Yes, I did too try to stab somebody!

Obama and Facebook actually have a lot in common. They both captured America's hearts and minds eight years ago, and they both seem to bring out a lot of racism in people. –James Corden

Every year since 1997, Starbucks releases a special red holiday cup. Usually they have snowflakes or reindeer or some kind of holiday decoration. But this year they are plain red cups. People are getting upset that Starbucks isn't celebrating Jesus' birthday. What makes people think Jesus wants to be on a Starbucks cup? There's no iced FrappuJesus; he does not want to be part of this. –Jimmy Kimmel

To me the outrage is they start putting out holiday cups in October. Can we please get through pumpkin latte season first? –Jimmy Kimmel

Ben Carson claims when he was a kid he tried to stab another kid but the kid's belt buckle got in the way and saved him. Some people don't believe this happened. So now he's found himself in the very unusual position of having to say, "Yes, I did too try to stab somebody!" –Jimmy Kimmel