I didn’t know that you could buy formal wear at a Bass Pro Shop (he would never do that to other people)

“I mean, I didn’t wear a suit for the Grammys, I didn’t wear one to court, I didn’t wear one to my father’s funeral, but I look all right, don’t I? I didn’t know that you could buy formal wear at a Bass Pro Shop.” — Jelly Roll

“According to The Washington Post, a lot of doctors are worried about the president’s weight. After his last physical, we found out Trump gained 14 pounds, which means he is now tipping the scales at almost 240. That’s crazy. Think about this, y’all, in the few last years I’ve lost 300 pounds. That means I’ve lost an entire Donald Trump.” — Jelly Roll

“And let’s be honest, based on his approval ratings, it seems like most of the country wants to do the same thing.” — Jelly Roll

“We should take it easy, y’all. We shouldn’t be making fun of the president for his weight, because we know that he would never do that to other people.” — Jelly Roll

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

but don’t forget, the cops were spraying for two (I don’t want to eat the troops)

“Some have criticized the police for pepper spraying a pregnant

woman, but don’t forget, the cops were spraying for two.”

–Stephen Colbert

President Trump was asked why he hasn’t visited our troops serving

in war zones in Iraq and Afghanistan in the two years he’s been in

office. “There are things that are planned but I can’t talk about them,

because I don’t know what they are. And when they try and explain

them to me I get bored. And when I’m bored, I get angry. And when

I get angry, I get hungry. And when I’m hungry, everybody I look at

begins to look like a chicken, and I don’t want to eat the troops.”

--Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s gonna be a long party. Go slow (mobile home cheese)

When I was eighteen my friend Tim and I, we packed up his Volare and we moved from Minnesota to Florida. We wanted to move to Texas but the front end of his car was out of alignment. --Mitch Hedberg

I love cottage cheese, that's why I want to try other dwelling cheese's too. I want to try studio apartment cheese or maybe igloo cheese or if I'm feeling adventurous, mobile home cheese. —Mitch Hedberg

A lot of radio stations, they like to use  frequency numbers to count down the days of summer. Like FM 107 will celebrate 107 days of summer. You know AM stations can't do this. We are AM 1610 celebrating the sixteen-hundred and ten days of the next four and a half years. It’s gonna be a long party. Go slow. —Mitch Hedberg

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s because he hired the same people who do his face (it was on an island)

Meanwhile, Trump’s plans to repaint the Lincoln Memorial reflecting pool are said to be uneven and behind schedule. That’s because he hired the same people who do his face. —Seth Meyers

It’s a perfect time for the president to fly to China before playing footage of his welcome, which included a group of children dancing and cheering. Trump remarked on how beautiful the children were and, in character, [Meyers as Trump]: “The last time I saw so many young and beautiful children greet a plane, it was on an island.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know what? I’ll come back tomorrow (But even I doubt I weigh 239)

President Trump actually has two cell phones that his staff nicknamed “Trump One” and “Trump Two.” Sounds a little like something out of a Dr. Seuss book. Trump wrote his own Dr. Seuss book about himself. We got a copy. Check this out [shows illustrated book]. It says, “The day was beginning, I rolled up my sleeves, I put on my tie that goes past my knees. Too cold to go out, too hyper to snooze, so I sat in the house and binge-watched Fox News. I ate some McDonald’s, I ate KFC, I ate more McDonald’s and more KFC. I went to the doctor, he said everything’s fine. But even I doubt I weigh 239.” --Jimmy Fallon

I saw that earlier today, Bill O’Reilly actually met with Pope Francis at the Vatican. And when he saw O’Reilly go into confession, the next guy in line said, “You know what? I’ll come back tomorrow.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

pay no attention to the man behind the bronzer (We all assume he failed everything)

Last week Michael Cohen told congress that Trump ordered him to threaten his high school to never release his grades. What could he possibly be hiding? We all assume he failed everything. --Stephen Colbert

“[imitating Trump] Please remember, it’s very important for all countries and businesses to know, nothing I say is true, pay no attention to the man behind the bronzer.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

It’s gonna be a long party. Go slow. (out of alignment)

When I was eighteen my friend Tim and I, we packed up his Volare

and we moved from Minnesota to Florida. We wanted to move to

Texas but the front end of his car was out of alignment.

--Mitch Hedberg

A lot of radio stations, they like to use  frequency numbers to count down the days of summer. Like FM 107 will celebrate 107 days of summer. You know AM stations can't do this. We are AM 1610 celebrating the sixteen-hundred and ten days of the next four and a half years. It’s gonna be a long party. Go slow. —Mitch Hedberg

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

summer vacation at the Bowman Gray School of Medicine (Four out of five citizens love democracy!)

This week President Clinton played golf with ex-presidents Gerald

Ford and George Bush. Bush hit an old lady in the face with a golf

ball giving her a broken nose and 10 stitches. But don't be

impressed. It took him five strokes to do it. --Norm Macdonald

In North Carolina the Bowman Gray School of Medicine is looking for 20 habitual marijuana smokers who they'll provide with free pot in order to study the effects of the drug. Note to self, spend summer vacation at the Bowman Gray School of Medicine. --Norm Macdonald

Testimony during the final week provided some spellbinding moments. In a brilliant move during closing arguments, OJ Simpson attorney Johnny Cochran put on the knit cap prosecutors say OJ wore the night he committed the murders. Although OJ may have hurt his case when he suddenly blurted out, "Hey hey, easy with that. That's my lucky stabbing hat." --Norm Macdonald

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Four out of five citizens love democracy! (the school's bake sale raised 40 million dollars)

President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney released their tax returns Cheney made more money than the president. When asked about it the president said, “That's true but he also made more decisions.” --Conan O’Brien 4/15/2004

Here in New York federal agents busted a 12 million dollar marijuana operation that was operating across the street from a public school. Police became suspicious when the school's bake sale raised 40 million dollars. --Conan O’Brien 3/25/2005

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We totally caught ourselves by surprise (if all of them were Fredo)

“So all the bad stuff they’ve been saying the president didn’t do, now they’re saying he did it and he does it all the time? The defense has gone from ‘If the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit’ to ‘Give me back my glove!’” --Jimmy Kimmel

Donald Jr. hired a lawyer yesterday. This lawyer, in the past, represented members of the mafia. That actually makes sense — the Trumps are like the Corleone family, if all of them were Fredo. –Jimmy Kimmel

“But meanwhile, this U.S. exit from Syria was so sudden and hasty, we actually had to bomb one of our own bases to destroy the ammunition that was left behind. Thanks to our genius commander in chief, the U.S. military is now bombing itself. And it was a success, too. We totally caught ourselves by surprise.” --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, no harm done (Turns out many of them were guilty)

"As governor of Texas, Rick Perry executed 236 people. Turns out many of them were guilty." –David Letterman

"How about that Dick Cheney? Do you remember Dick Cheney? Now here's a guy we didn't really think much about until he goes hunting one day. And everything changed. I mean, he became Dick 'Kaboom' Cheney. He is now saying that Saddam Hussein had no connection with 9/11. Well, no harm done." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Four out of five citizens love democracy! (go down with a sinking ship)

For his running mate, Donald Trump says he’s looking for someone with experience in areas he doesn’t have. So right now Trump is looking for someone who can run a profitable casino. –Conan O’Brien

It was reported today that Donald Trump Jr.’s wife once dated Leonardo DiCaprio. In other words, she’s used to being with guys who go down with a sinking ship. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And he misspelled chair (America's taint)

"President Obama went to Ground Zero. He went up in the new skyscraper being built in the shadow of the World Trade Center, and he inscribed one of the steel beams. He wrote, 'We remember, we rebuild, we come back stronger.' Which was very poignant, especially since Bush had written on it, 'We got hit, I sat in a chair, I peed my pants.' And he misspelled chair." –Bill Maher

"Defense Secretary Robert Gates said the other day that the prison at Guantanamo Bay has become a taint on the reputation of America. And that's what the Bush administration will always be remembered as -- America's taint." --Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s the aircraft carrier the U.S.S. Metaphor (Four out of five citizens love democracy!)

A new report says the U.S. border wall could cost three times as much as previously estimated. However, Trump says he’ll keep costs down with his secret business trick called “not paying for stuff.” –Conan O’Brien

"Hillary Clinton is now driving from New York to Iowa. It's been called the least-exciting spring break trip in history." –Conan O'Brien

Several days ago, President Trump said an American aircraft carrier was heading towards North Korea, but it turns out it was sailing in the opposite direction. It’s the aircraft carrier the U.S.S. Metaphor. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This guy's skull is emptier than a theater showing Snow White (At least she had a pulse)

So who killed the legacy media? Well it turns out it was a mass suicide and Joe Biden was their Jim Jones. According to excerpts from an upcoming book obtained by The Guardian, Democratic officials were drawing up plans to replace Biden as early as January of 2023, in the event he no longer had the ability to run, and by that they mean dead.

In Fight: Inside the Wildest Battle for the White House, authors Jonathan Allen and Amie Parnes claim that aids to Kamala Harris quote, “strategized around the possibility that Biden might die in office” and apparently Kamala’s  Comm's director went so far as to write a death pool roster of federal judges who might swear her in if Biden indeed kicked the bucket. They also had a team of coroners standing by who could list Joe's time of death as something besides, who the F knows? It could have been anywhere from 2017 to 2011. Who's counting?

The authors also detail other instances of Joe falling apart. During the campaign at a donor's reception just days after the disastrous presidential debate, Biden aids put fluorescent tape on the carpet to show the president where to walk. It's similar to how Bill Clinton's team laid out a path using copies of Hustler magazine.

Biden was often tailed by staffers since he did have a tendency to you know wander off. I bet they likely had another team nearby ready to make a chalk outline. According to one veteran operative nobody was crazy about running Kamala for president either, but quote "At least she had a pulse." I know, talk about a low bar, where judging by her own behavior she pulled up a stool and started doing shots.

So at the same time that the White House and their mouthpieces like Joe Scarboro were telling the world Biden was more vigorous than ever, they were planning for his imminent demise. But you can't blame Scarboro for getting it wrong. He's had years of Mika saying he's the best she ever had. 

Of course the media seems shocked by this news, but shocking to whom? None of this is surprising to anyone who unlike Joe, had a brain. Not to pat our own backs but we've been telling you this all along. This guy's skull is emptier than a theater showing Snow White. 

And we were all smeared for speaking the truth that was clearly on display for years, and now these same jackasses are telling us that the Signal app story is a grave concern when they hid the fact that Biden was literally a concern for the grave. 

There has to be a penalty for this cover up. The scandal isn't that they elected a vegetable, it's that journalists knew it and refused to act like journalists even as the facts got worse, and that penalty should be a complete loss of credibility, not just now but forever. —Greg Gutfeld

 

It's a sad moment for the show (Four out of five citizens love democracy!)

It's a sad moment for the show. Joy Reid is out. Of course we’re heartbroken for she provided this show with more material than a seamstress at The View. On slow news days Joy was always there to help with a racist rant. I loved her. 

Now I don't like to use hyperbole but Joy’s firing is the biggest blow to racists since the Confederacy lost. But you got to wonder how she was able to last this long. The irony of course is in her name, for did Joy bring any joy to anyone's life? I'm willing to bet no one ever said, you know I was going through a tough period in my life and listening to Joy Reid really got me through it. If anything it was their tough periods in life that that got them through Joy Reid. 

But that's the problem with MSNBC and Legacy Media. Their income was based on making life worse instead of focusing on real stuff. They created hoaxes, ones that sew division in hopelessness. 

Now, Joy’s firing came on the heels of MSNBC's parent company NBC Universal, settling a $30 million defamation lawsuit with a Georgia gynecologist. In 2020 the network reported that the doctor working at an ICE Detention Center was performing unwanted hysterectomies on immigrant women. The network called the doctor the ‘uterus collector’. I know, that was my nickname in college. Chris Hayes was one of those who peddled this story about the ‘uterus collector’ but his only proof was that his was missing. 

And yes the story sounds horrible, almost too horrible to be believed. But for people in Legacy Media who suspend Common Sense on all things Trump, it was just too good to check. It had to be true, but it wasn’t. And the tip off right away is that these hacks would actually condemn a doctor forcibly collecting uteruses. And you think the fact that no one else was reporting this might have been another clue for these great investigative journalists? 

So how far were they off? Well the judge in the case states that there’s ‘undisputed evidence has been established that there were no mass hysterectomies at the facility.’ And the doctor is not quote ‘a uterus collector’. So other than that, their reporting was perfect. So MSNBC has reportedly decided to settle up rather than risk a trial. 

But you still got to wonder how this story, this hoax, got this far? Well what was the point of the hoax in the first place? To damage Trump and his determination to finally tighten the border. They wanted to believe it was true, you know like when I told that flight attendant it was a war injury. 

The the anchors just love the idea that there was a sinister doctor forcibly removing uteruses so that these women couldn't have kids after entering the US. It's so evil, so fascist, so Trumpian. Seriously, how soon will Hollywood make a movie of that? The evil doctor could be played by Kevin Spacey and the uterus could be played by Peter Dinklage. It makes no sense. 

But again, how did they fall for this garbage? Well first, maybe they felt that if they were wrong, of course no would would check, but also any belief system is a Continuum and if you go far enough out with it you can arrive at a very bad place. Especially if you already start at a bad place, like saying Trump is Hitler. 

Joy Reid said in 2024 that if Biden were in a coma, she would vote for him. Why not, you did the same thing in 2020? Meanwhile coma patients are blinking out Morse Code for, come on guys we're not that bad! Amazing, but you can see how Joy laid the groundwork for the hoax. 

So what's left of MSNBC? Well they're replacing Joy with a three-person panel, so if it's a slow news day they can call each other racist. Which raises the other question. Rachel Maddow and the others pushed the uterus story, Reid did not. So why is Joy fired and the rest of them aren’t? Is it because they're all white? I mean here's a case where Joy can actually cry racism, and finally for once, it might be true. —Greg Gutfeld

 https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”