Well, there's a thank-you note you don't hang on your refrigerator (I LIKE where this is going)

If you don't think Donald Trump's statements are racist, you should at least know that racists are happy he made them. Immediately following Trump's speech, former KKK leader David Duke thanked Trump for his "honesty and courage." Well, there's a thank-you note you don't hang on your refrigerator. --James Corden

Up to 11 states are poised to legalize weed, which would bring the total to 14 states. Marijuana activists are thrilled. They're saying, "Wow, 14 states. That's more than half of the states." –James Corden

Former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci — you know, the Mooch — posted a tweet comparing what happened during his firing from the White House to what happened to Monica Lewinsky during the Bill Clinton sex scandal. Now think about this: Scaramucci is comparing himself to someone who helped get a president impeached. I LIKE where this is going. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Why are you the only one who gets to live in a time when you weren’t president? (Now, I’ve got to make an appointment to have the tattoo lasered off)

For Donald Trump it’s been a rough couple of ... his entire presidency. The chaos coming out of the White House is just coming at you so fast. It’s hard to keep track of it. Two weeks ago, I had never heard of Anthony Scaramucci. Now, I’ve got to make an appointment to have the tattoo lasered off. –Stephen Colbert

“Oh, my god! How lazy are you, Mr. President? You’re just repeating what you said about Hillary. You’re stuck in 2016, and that is not fair. Why are you the only one who gets to live in a time when you weren’t president?” —Stephen Colbert

“Experts say the rebound infections are caused by ‘insufficient drug exposure’ – as in, not enough of the drug gets into infected cells to stop all viral replication. So the Covid pops right back up, which is why the White House is trying to give Paxlovid to Biden’s poll numbers.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

There are no capitalists in heaven (Remember, there is no 'I' in Iowa!)

"Some big election news. It's rumored that Sarah Palin will

announce her presidential campaign at a Labor Day rally in

Iowa. Palin has a great speech planned — she's like, 'We

have to do this as a team! Remember, there is no 'I' in

Iowa!'" –Jimmy Fallon

“I wonder about that single Illinois ticket that won the $1.34 Billion Mega Millions jackpot over the weekend. The winner hasn’t come forward yet, so either they’re contacting financial experts, or they’re at home being like, ‘crap, where is it, I went swimming, no one turn on the washing machine!’” —Jimmy Fallon

People are still talking about Anthony Scaramucci — he lasted just six days, making him the shortest-serving White House communications director ever. But don’t feel bad — publishers have offered him a lot of money to write a tell-all pamphlet about the experience. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

They say they absolutely will not tolerate that kind of language from someone whose will they are not in (That’s 12 Scaramuccis from now)

White House officials yesterday said they hope to have a bill on tax reform sent to President Trump before December. December? Do you know how much time could happen between now and December? That’s 12 Scaramuccis from now. –Seth Meyers

According to NBC, Ivanka and first lady Melania Trump were disgusted by Scaramucci’s crude comments to The New Yorker. They say they absolutely will not tolerate that kind of language from someone whose will they are not in. –Seth Meyers

After President Trump removed White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci yesterday, he tweeted, “A great day at the White House.” Coincidentally, a great day at the White House is the average length of employment there. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's amazing how mature and civil conservatives are (the Boy Scouts have announced they’re just gonna lay low for a while)

According to The Washington Post, President Trump is considering Ted Cruz as a replacement for Attorney General Jeff Sessions. And if you thought Jeff Sessions was bad, you were right. –Seth Meyers

Newly appointed White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci said today that he’s not a backstabber, but “more of a front-stabbing person.” And it’s very telling about this administration that they think there’s a right way to stab somebody. “I stab from the front, underhand. Like a gentleman.” –Seth Meyers

The Girl Scouts have announced that they will offer 23 new badges focused on science, technology, engineering and math. While the Boy Scouts have announced they’re just gonna lay low for a while. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I LIKE where this is going (There goes our Christmas plans)

Former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci — you know, the Mooch — posted a tweet comparing what happened during his firing from the White House to what happened to Monica Lewinsky during the Bill Clinton sex scandal. Now think about this: Scaramucci is comparing himself to someone who helped get a president impeached. I LIKE where this is going. –James Corden

Now this reverses a policy that Obama put in place last year. At this point, it just seems like Trump wants to do the opposite of everything Obama did. He is like, "Oh, Obama pardoned a turkey on Thanksgiving? Well I'm going to slaughter a turkey with a chainsaw on the front lawn." –James Corden

The Austrian government announced on Monday that they will be tearing down the house where Adolf Hitler was born. There goes our Christmas plans. –James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Great, now what am I gonna call Don Jr. and Eric? (he made sure to choose his emoji's very carefully)

"Speaking of Romney, I read that his campaign has raised $10 million in California over the last two days. One million was from a fundraiser while $9 million was from Romney checking a pocket in some old khakis." –Jimmy Fallon

"Mitt Romney will travel to London where he will attend the Olympics opening ceremony. Of course it's going to be weird when they're announcing all the countries, and he's like 'Got a bank account there, got one there, two bank accounts there." –Jimmy Fallon

"The country's largest Tea Party group is planning a cross-country bus tour to help elect Mitt Romney. Romney was like, 'Wow, that's great. What is a bus?'" –Jimmy Fallon

Some big political news. Today President Trump went on Twitter and announced that he is banning transgender people from serving in the military. Trump said he understands this is a very sensitive issue, so he made sure to choose his emoji's very carefully. –Jimmy Fallon

And we’re still getting to know Trump’s new communications director, Anthony Scaramucci. I saw that his friends like to call him “the Mooch.” When Trump heard, he was like, “Great, now what am I gonna call Don Jr. and Eric?” –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s just a little less money than he’s given to veterans of his affairs (Elementary Yiddish)

According to The New York Times, a TV show featuring Stormy Daniels’ lawyer Michael Avenatti and former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci was recently pitched to two cable networks. The show is called “The Very Good Lawyer and Anthony Scaramucci.” --Seth Meyers

The White House announced today that President Trump would donate his first quarter’s salary to the Department of Veterans Affairs. It’s just a little less money than he’s given to veterans of his affairs. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Hiyo, Sassy! Off to the mall! (The Briefest)

Former White House press secretary Sean Spicer announced yesterday that he is writing a book about his time at the White House called “The Briefing.” Not to be confused with Anthony Scaramucci’s book about his time at the White House called “The Briefest.” –Seth Meyers

Roy Moore’s horses name is Sassy. Well, I mean, that is a lovely name — for a magazine targeted at teenage girls. “Hiyo, Sassy! Off to the mall!” –Stephen Colbert

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Aside from that, he never betrays anybody (Uncle Sam Wants You ... Bad)

Democratic leaders Chuck Schumer and Nancy Pelosi had dinner with Donald Trump and they said that they struck a deal regarding immigration and border security that might not even include the wall Trump keeps promising. Yeah, at the dinner Pelosi and Schumer had the chicken, while Trump ate his words. –James Corden

Trump supporters were really angry today that it looks like he was making deals with the Democrats and abandoning the border wall. They said that Trump never betrays anyone. Aside from Sean Spicer, Anthony Scaramucci, Reince Priebus, Steve Bannon, his two ex-wives, and that one daughter he never talks about. Aside from that, he never betrays anybody. –James Corden

      

This week, the U.S. Army removed several recruiting ads from a web site because the web site targets homosexual men. The ad said, 'Uncle Sam Wants You ... Bad.' --Conan O'Brien

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

Now you didn't hear this from me, but... (visiting fellow at Harvard)

Former White House press secretary Sean Spicer was named a visiting fellow at Harvard University today, which is pretty much what he was at the White House. –Seth Meyers

Former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci went to Twitter last night to tease the launch of his own news site, where every article will begin, "Now you didn't hear this from me, but …" –Seth Meyers

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

He who returned to his former job harassing waitresses at Hooters

Hillary Clinton's new book came out today. It is called "What Happened." That's not a joke. That's what it is called. This is why Hillary lost. A real president doesn't write books. They write tweets. –Jimmy Kimmel

Congratulations are in order for Hope Hicks, who today became the new White House communications director. She replaces Anthony Scaramucci, who returned to his former job harassing waitresses at Hooters. –Jimmy Kimmel

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

I LIKE where this is going (Worth every penny)

A lot of people are fed up with Donald Trump, but one man has decided to do something about it. A protester in Washington, D.C., has installed a giant inflatable chicken with Trump hair directly behind the White House. The inflatable chicken cost $1,300. Or another way to put that: Worth every penny. –James Corden

Former White House communications director Anthony Scaramucci — you know, the Mooch — posted a tweet comparing what happened during his firing from the White House to what happened to Monica Lewinsky during the Bill Clinton sex scandal. Now think about this: Scaramucci is comparing himself to someone who helped get a president impeached. I LIKE where this is going. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems 

I think you mean re-elected president in 2020 (CTE studies)

Mike Pence is denying speculation that he wants to be elected president in 2020. Pence was like, “I think you mean re-elected president in 2020.” –Jimmy Fallon

Former communications director Anthony Scaramucci wants to turn his time in the White House into a sitcom. Networks say it’s impossible, because sitcoms have to last at least 30 minutes. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems 

as always, you're on your own, Martin Luther King Boulevard! (over your head)

"Critics of the bailout plan say it will save Wall Street, while it will do virtually nothing to help out Main Street. And, as always, you're on your own, Martin Luther King Boulevard!"--Amy Poehler

  

"A farmer in Ohio has carved a corn maze in his field in the likeness of Sarah Palin. The way it works? You you enter and suddenly realize you're way over your head." --Amy Poehler

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 @BrandNew535 @justicedems 

the first time in history that a black man was more eager to go to Mississippi than a white one (Nothing Accomplished' banner)

"The first presidential debate took place last night, and earlier in the week, Barack Obama said he would be at the debate whether John McCain showed up or not, marking the first time in history that a black man was more eager to go to Mississippi than a white one." --Seth Meyers

"With the nation facing a historic financial crisis, President Bush on Thursday convened a summit that included John McCain, Barack Obama and senior members of Congress. Afterwards, their efforts were commemorated with this banner [on screen: Bush, Obama and McCain standing in front of a 'Nothing Accomplished' banner]."--Amy Poehler

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 @BrandNew535 @justicedems 

Now, I’ve got to make an appointment to have the tattoo lasered off

A new article has been published ranking New York City’s best public restrooms. So congratulations yet again to ... the subway! –Seth Meyers

For Donald Trump it’s been a rough couple of ... his entire presidency. The chaos coming out of the White House is just coming at you so fast. It’s hard to keep track of it. Two weeks ago, I had never heard of Anthony Scaramucci. Now, I’ve got to make an appointment to have the tattoo lasered off. –Stephen Colbert

Things are completely different since the president appointed a new chief of staff, Gen. John Kelly. Rumor is Kelly got the job after he stood up to Trump, when raised voices could be heard through the thick door to the Oval Office. It was seen as an early indication that Kelly was not afraid to stand up to his commander in chief. No surprise. Trump respects people who don’t suck up to him, starting ...yesterday. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 @BrandNew535 @justicedems #repealreplacerepublicans

they absolutely will not tolerate that kind of language from someone whose will they are not in

According to NBC, Ivanka and first lady Melania Trump were disgusted by Scaramucci’s crude comments to The New Yorker. They say they absolutely will not tolerate that kind of language from someone whose will they are not in. –Seth Meyers

A couple recently got married on a roller coaster at a Massachusetts amusement park while their wedding guests were on the ride with them. And this is cool — the reception was open barf. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 @BrandNew535 @justicedems #repealreplacerepublicans

Elvis Presley 40 Years After (That’s 12 Scaramuccis from now)

After President Trump removed White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci yesterday, he tweeted, “A great day at the White House.” Coincidentally, a great day at the White House is the average length of employment there. –Seth Meyers

White House officials yesterday said they hope to have a bill on tax reform sent to President Trump before December. December? Do you know how much time could happen between now and December? That’s 12 Scaramuccis from now. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 @BrandNew535 @justicedems #repealreplacerepublicans

The cartoon that draws itself (Always a bridesmaid!)

Utility workers here in New York City retrieved a woman’s wedding ring that she dropped down a sewer. While the rat handing it back was like, “Always a bridesmaid!” --Jimmy Fallon

Do you guys know that song “Despacito?” Well, the government of Malaysia has banned the song from radio and TV in that country for having obscene lyrics. They could be right. I’ve heard this song 2,000 times and I still have no idea what it’s about. In Malaysia, the government bans obscene content. Here, the president tweets it. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern #Bernie2020 @BrandNew535 @justicedems #repealreplacerepublicans