That’s just crude and unnecessary (and . . . I'll stop talking now)

“Yeah, the Trump campaign is now selling ‘Fill that seat’ T-shirts. Seriously, someone just passed away and he’s selling T-shirts like they just clinched the American League East. Here’s some advice: if you are wondering how to deal with a job opening when someone dies and you find yourself on a custom T-shirt website, you’ve made a wrong turn. Even long-haul drivers with truck nuts were like, ‘That’s just crude and unnecessary.’” —Jimmy Fallon

North and South Korea say they want to host the 2032 Summer Olympics together. The highlight will be when the athletes try pole-vaulting from North Korea into South Korea. --Jimmy Fallon

"British Prime Minister David Cameron went to Scotland this week to persuade citizens of the country to vote 'no' on leaving the U.K. He said, 'It's never worked out for anyone-well except America, and Canada, Australia, India, and . . . I'll stop talking now.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Please scream inside your heart (It's not a game)

"British Prime Minister David Cameron is facing criticism from working-class voters after he was caught on camera today eating a hot dog with a knife and fork. And he got criticism from wealthy voters because he used a hamburger fork." –Seth Meyers

During last night's town hall, Ted Cruz talked about how his daughters often play a game with him, called “attack the daddy.” His daughter was like, "It's not a game." –Seth Meyers

"If Donald Trump loves America so much, why does he keep outsourcing the job of his wife?" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Really? Because it sure didn't look that way at your inauguration (It's not a game)

Over 27,000 people attended Bernie Sanders' rally in Washington Square Park last night. Which is especially crazy, since Bernie only went to the park to play chess. –Seth Meyers

President Trump last night threatened to close the U.S.-Mexico border, adding, quote, "Our country is full." Really? Because it sure didn't look that way at your inauguration. --Seth Meyers

During last night's town hall, Ted Cruz talked about how his daughters often play a game with him, called “attack the daddy.” His daughter was like, "It's not a game." –Seth Meyers

"British Prime Minister David Cameron is facing criticism from working-class voters after he was caught on camera today eating a hot dog with a knife and fork. And he got criticism from wealthy voters because he used a hamburger fork." –Seth Meyers

"If Donald Trump loves America so much, why does he keep outsourcing the job of his wife?" –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just the way we like it! (It's like he was Newt Gingrich)

March 2012

"Rush Limbaugh is losing advertisers. Crisco was one and then he lost Hostess Cupcakes. Now the only advertiser Rush has left on his radio show is Conrad Murray's Sleep Clinic." –David Letterman

"Osama bin Laden was living in that compound with three wives. It's like he was Newt Gingrich." –David Letterman

"Rush Limbaugh was at one of the games at Dayton, Ohio, tonight. He brought British Prime Minister David Cameron with him. It's part of a cultural exchange program. They go to a basketball game here, and then in July the prime minister has invited Obama to England to take part in a soccer riot." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wall Street has to wait an hour after eating to go swimming (and other forms of birth control)

"President Obama signed into law a sweeping financial reform. The law started out strong, but got watered down as it went through Congress. Basically, the law now says that Wall Street has to wait an hour after eating to go swimming." –Jimmy Kimmel

"The big comic book convention, Comic-Con, starts tomorrow in San Diego. This is a week-long convention of comic books, science fiction, video games, and other forms of birth control." –Jimmy Fallon

"British Prime Minister David Cameron is visiting the U.S. and yesterday he and President Obama gave each other pieces of art. That really wasn't necessary, Britain. You've already given us a huge oil painting." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the suffering on the tape is real (Game of Thrones)

The UK officially voted to leave the European Union. It caused the British pound to hit a 31-year low. You could tell Brits were struggling today. Queen Elizabeth was wearing one of those cardboard crowns from Burger King. –Jimmy Fallon

Following the vote, British Prime Minister David Cameron actually resigned, saying that the country needs new leadership. An American was like, “Can you start here next January?” –Jimmy Fallon

The stars of the "Game of Thrones" have gotten huge raises and will make $500,000 per episode next season. So when you see a character get killed off, know that the suffering on the tape is real. –Jimmy Fallon

President Obama is apparently interested in owning an NBA team after he leaves office. You'll know it's Obama's team when they travel too much and never pass anything. –Jimmy Fallon

He got criticism from wealthy voters because he used a hamburger fork

"British Prime Minister David Cameron is facing criticism from working-class voters after he was caught on camera today eating a hot dog with a knife and fork. And he got criticism from wealthy voters because he used a hamburger fork." –Seth Meyers

"Arizona Senator John McCain announced that he plans on running for a sixth term because he is concerned about the nation's security. He plans to help just like any other 80-year-old: by sitting on his porch with a police scanner." –Jimmy Fallon



War is what FOX News does to defend Christmas

"The president went on TV and explained that our new operation against ISIS is not a war. War is what FOX News does to defend Christmas." –Bill Maher

"British Prime Minister David Cameron went to Scotland this week to persuade citizens of the country to vote 'no' on leaving the U.K. He said, 'It's never worked out for anyone-well except America, and Canada, Australia, India, and . . . I'll stop talking now.'" –Jimmy Fallon



"Congress is now criticizing NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell for not acting swiftly enough. You know you're slow if you're being criticized by Congress for not acting swiftly enough." –David Letterman