which is generally when he moves on to something better (secretly buying democracy: wrong!)

"To all the worryworts out there who said super PACs were going to lead to a cabal of billionaires secretly buying democracy: wrong! They are publicly buying democracy." –Stephen Colbert

"After disappointing showings in Iowa and New Hampshire, Newt Gingrich’s campaign looked terminally ill – which is generally when he moves on to something better." –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

so you gotta take it with a grain of salt (This week he will go to India and visit their old jobs)

 

"And for the most ridiculous story of the week. This week, Ann Coulter said Bill Clinton is gay. I have to admit he hides it pretty well. Ann Coulter thinks Bill Clinton is gay? But she also thinks George Bush is smart, so you gotta take it with a grain of salt." --Jay Leno

"On Wednesday President Bush will fly to India. See, last week he met with American workers. This week he will go to India and visit their old jobs." --Jay Leno

"You know Ann Coulter? She was on CNBC today and she said 'Bill Clinton is gay.' Please, just because she's the only woman on the planet he wouldn't have sex with doesn't make him gay." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I am never gonna hear the end of this (No regrets)

"You guys hear about what's going on with Toyota? This is crazy.

It's like, their job is to make cars, right? Well, they had a problem

with gas pedals getting stuck — now, they're recalling the Prius

because the brakes don't work. And because of this, sales of

Ford cars and trucks rose 25 percent in the past month. But

Ford says it's because of its new ad slogan, 'Ford, because

Toyota is trying to kill you.'" –Jimmy Fallon (2010)

A woman in Australia just gave birth to a 12-pound baby without any pain meds. Her doctor said, "You were amazing," while the baby was like, "I am never gonna hear the end of this." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They assumed after two weeks any protest would be wiped out by smallpox (You know she’s just going to blow it on ‘Nip)

GOP congressman Kevin McCarthy told CNBC, “You’ve got to remember where Nancy Pelosi was - she who said no money for a wall. That’s not the case. Democrats have now agreed to more than 55 miles of new barrier being built.” Yes, 55 of the 2,000 miles of Border Wall that Trump asked for. Just another example of Trump’s slogan, “Promises Made, Promises 3% Kept.” --Stephen Colbert

After the death of Karl Lagerfeld, his internet famous cat, Choupette is set to inherit Lagerfeld’s $150 Million Pound fortune. It’s so irresponsible to give a cat that much money. You know she’s just going to blow it on ‘Nip. --Stephen Colbert

"Last night Occupy Wall Street protesters were removed by Cesarean. The Founding Fathers never intended indefinite free speech. They assumed after two weeks any protest would be wiped out by smallpox." –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

People who are watching CNBC are shrieking louder than the people watching Scream VI (Oh, that's us)

March 2023

“Well, guys, for everyone invested in our country's banks, March Madness has begun. Hey, a lot of people are talking about this. Over the weekend, the U.S. economy was rocked after the Silicon Valley Bank crashed, becoming the second largest bank failure in U.S. history. It's never good when people who are watching CNBC are shrieking louder than the people watching Scream VI.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Silicon Valley bank knew they were in trouble when they saw themselves in the Oscars In Memoriam. They go, ‘Oh, that's us.’ On the bright side, it was refreshing to hear about a crash that had nothing to do with a self-driving Tesla.” —Jimmy Fallon

“In response to the crash, today, President Biden delivered a speech and ensured Americans they can have confidence that the banking system is safe. Hearing from Biden actually did make me feel better because you know if it were really bad, he would've been like, ‘Kamala, you take this one.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Biden tried to put everyone at ease. He said, ‘Don't worry. I got through the first Great Depression. I'll get through this one.’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Why don’t we give everyone a quarter? (oh goodness, no)

June 2022

“A recent poll found that the biggest drop in support for Biden was among young voters, although to Biden, I’m pretty sure a young voter is just a voter. Then Biden said ‘OK, so this means I’m doing OK with older voters?’ and his staff was like, ‘oh goodness, no.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“The White House is considering a temporary suspension of the federal gas tax. Take your time, gang. You can tell the president is on the older side when he’s like ‘why don’t we give everyone a quarter?’” —Jimmy Fallon

“And the stock market is in its biggest freefall since the start of the pandemic. Right now the ticker on CNBC is just showing the lyrics to Everybody Hurts.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Finally, there was a new Guinness world record set for largest chicken nugget, which involved 40 pounds of ground chicken, 20 slices of white bread and 40 eggs. At that point, they’re really taking liberty with the word nugget. They made a chicken cake.” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

stocks fell so fast, the oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling at CNBC (Buy some spackle!)

May 2022

“Some business news, it’s been a rough couple of months for the economy and I saw that yesterday was the stock market’s worst day in over two years. Yeah, stocks fell so fast, the oxygen masks dropped from the ceiling at CNBC.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Things are so bad, they replaced the stock exchange closing bell with the losing sound from ‘Price is Right.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“The Dow took a drubbing after investors were alarmed by disappointing earnings from Target, Walmart and Lowe’s. There’s only one solution: release the strategic reserve of dads running little errands. Go get some batteries, guys! Buy some spackle! The little bucket — the old one’s probably dried out by now. Just putter around the paint aisle and pick out swatches. She says she wants yellow, but you don’t know which one! Remember, satin shine! It should glow, but not glisten, OK? It should have sheen, but not shimmer. So just buy one can of each. Your country needs you!” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

little notes on the dry erase board at the Mar-a-Lago omelet station (The Eric)

June 2021

“After less than a month online, Donald Trump shut down his ‘beacon of freedom’ blog this week. Senior aide Jason Miller confirmed the demise of the blog, From the Desk of Donald J Trump, in a statement to CNBC. The end of the website billed as ‘a place to speak freely and safely’ was “a real punch in the gut for me. Trump was very excited about this blog for the first month after he was banned on Twitter, and now he’s just abandoning it. It’s a move he calls the Eric.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The former president reportedly elected to close the site after being roundly mocked for its dismal traffic – a few weeks ago, the Washington Post reported it had attracted a ‘staggeringly small audience’. So from now on he’s just going to write bitchy little notes on the dry erase board at the Mar-a-Lago omelet station. More people will see them.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Who would have guessed the governor of Wisconsin would have been a better closer than LeBron James? (job openings)

June 2012

"The No. 2 guy in al-Qaida has been killed. Who says Obama isn't creating job openings?" –Jay Leno

"Governor Scott Walker won his recall last night in Wisconsin. Who would have guessed the governor of Wisconsin would have been a better closer than LeBron James?" –Jay Leno

"CNBC is reporting that America lost 129,000 millionaires last year. Or as Mitt Romney calls them, 'an endangered species we have to protect.'" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

'That's what I've been trying to tell you, those women are all liars, I'm gay' (kinetic military action)

"Congress is mad at President Obama because he didn't consult them before the war in Libya. Congress got us into two other wars and put us 14 trillion dollars in debt. I can't imagine why he didn't consult them." –Jay Leno

"Instead of calling our mission in Libya a war, the White House is calling it a 'kinetic military action,' which sounds better than 'potentially endless quagmire.'" –Jay Leno

"I guess the Secret Service had a little scare yesterday. For a couple of hours, they could not find President Bush. Turns out he was just hiding behind General Petraeus." --Jay Leno

"And on the CNBC show 'The Big Idea' with Donny Deutsch, Ann Coulter said Bill Clinton was gay. That's what I think she said, it's hard to understand her with that Adam's Apple bobbing up and down all the time. She said 'Bill Clinton is gay' and today Clinton told Hillary 'That's what I've been trying to tell you, those women are all liars, I'm gay'." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Promises Made, Promises 3% Kept (Oh, you mean 0.15 Iraq Wars)

Meanwhile, a Florida city commissioner has resigned over face-licking allegations. Now listen, I will give you this. It is hard not to lick people in Florida. They do look like jerky after awhile. --Stephen Colbert

If there weren’t enough embarrassing stories coming out of Virginia, a man there was arrested for projecting porn onto his garage door. I guess he thought it was too “on the nose” to project it on the tool shed. --Stephen Colbert

Even though immigrant populations commit fewer crimes than the general population, Trump didn’t stop that from trying to scare people. Trump at an El Paso rally, “4,000 kidnappings and 4,000 murders, murders, murders, killings, murders.” Either Trump doesn’t care what the truth is, or he’s pitching CBS’s newest crime series, CSI: Murders, Murders, Murders, Killings, Murders.” --Stephen Colbert

GOP congressman Kevin McCarthy told CNBC, “You’ve got to remember where Nancy Pelosi was - she who said no money for a wall. That’s not the case. Democrats have now agreed to more than 55 miles of new barrier being built.” Yes, 55 of the 2,000 miles of Border Wall that Trump asked for. Just another example of Trump’s slogan, “Promises Made, Promises 3% Kept.” --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

they got this idea from watching those 'ShamWow' commercials (rock, paper and scissors)

"Finally, a good day on Wall Street. Stock market went up 500 points today. Very exciting. Went up so high, even CNBC's Jim Cramer made money. Wow!" --Jay Leno

"The Obama Administration today unveiled their plan to deal with the so-called toxic assets. Those are those mortgage-backed securities all the financial institutions are holding. Apparently, the plan is to flood the banks with money, make them as liquid as possible, and then sort of soak up all these bad loans and take them away. See, they got this idea from watching those 'ShamWow' commercials." --Jay Leno

"Former President George W. Bush is now writing a book about the 12 toughest decisions that he had to make as president. He said each decision had three options -- rock, paper and scissors." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And at the beginning, they found a hooker in a dumpster (stealing the show)

   

"The big news yesterday was the CNBC Republican presidential debate on the economy, including the one candidate everyone's been waiting for [on screen: news reports on Fred Thompson]. Can he? Will he? Does he? Are he? 

The world is watching former senator and actor Frederick Thompson. And ... go [on screen: Thompson struggling for words]. Adding, 'Line.' ... Turns out Fred Thompson, though skilled actor, ugh ... not so hot at improv, despite his many years in the Uptight Citizens Brigade. 

Thompson's rivals tried to keep him from stealing the show 

[on screen: Mitt Romney saying the GOP WH '08 race is like 'Law & Order' because 'it has a huge cast, the series seems to go on forever, and Fred Thompson shows up at the end']. 

And at the beginning, they found a hooker in a dumpster." --Jon Stewart

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern #repealreplacerepublicans

A Tomahawk cruise missile fell off a truck in the Bronx (doesn't make him gay)

"You know Ann Coulter? She was on CNBC today and she said 'Bill Clinton is gay.' Please, just because she's the only woman on the planet he wouldn't have sex with doesn't make him gay." --Jay Leno

"A Tomahawk cruise missile fell off a truck in the Bronx this week. A cruise missile, isn't that unbelievable? You know what that means? There are now more weapons of mass destruction in the Bronx than there are in Iraq." --Jay Leno

"AT&T said in the second quarter their profits increased by 81%. So apparently, the government is paying them to listen to our phone calls." --Jay Leno 

I've been trying to tell you, those women are all liars, I'm gay (lingerie aisle)

"Enough with this heat. I was sweating like Bill Clinton walking down the lingerie aisle at Lane Bryant." --Jay Leno

"Hey, here's a very strange story. Police in St. Paul, Minnesota have caught the 81-year-old father of U.S. Senator Norm Coleman having sex in the parking lot of a pizza parlor with a 38-year-old woman. God, bless him. 81 years old. Police asked him why he didn't wait 'till he got home. He said 'At my age, I can't take a chance, I have to have it right now.'" --Jay Leno

"And on the CNBC show 'The Big Idea' with Donny Deutsch, Ann Coulter said Bill Clinton was gay. That's what I think she said, it's hard to understand her with that Adam's Apple bobbing up and down all the time. She said 'Bill Clinton is gay' and today Clinton told Hillary 'That's what I've been trying to tell you, those women are all liars, I'm gay'." --Jay Leno

 

Each week he runs down a different NBC executive

"New York City is overrun with rats. We have so many rats that today Mayor Bill de Blasio was on live television asking every citizen here to make sure to have your rat neutered." –David Letterman



"I was very happy to see that our old friend Jay Leno is coming back to television. He's coming back to CNBC and he's got a brand-new show. Jay drives a variety of exotic vehicles, and each week he runs down a different NBC executive." –David Letterman



"Colorado police are worried that children on Halloween might mistakenly eat edible marijuana. Marijuana is legal there and includes candies and baked goods. You can tell if your kid is high if he won't stop asking 'Why?' when you answer his questions, or if he believes he has an imaginary friend." –Jimmy Kimmel

Even clowns were like, 'Are you kidding?'

"CNBC is reporting that America lost 129,000 millionaires last year. Or as Mitt Romney calls them, 'an endangered species we have to protect.'" –Jay Leno



"Former GOP candidate Rick Santorum said he’s planning to make a big announcement tomorrow. It’ll probably be something really huge like, 'Hello shoppers, we’ve got a 2-for-1 sale on Tide in aisle five!'" –Jimmy Fallon 



"The founder of USA Today recently referred to Donald Trump as a 'clown.' Even clowns were like, 'Are you kidding? That guy’s hair is ridiculous.'" –Jimmy Fallon

John Hulse painting