Colorado says it has to find a new nickname (Trump's War on America)

President Trump is also being criticized for his conversation with the president of Mexico, where he called New Hampshire “a drug-infested den.” New Hampshire says it’s furious, while Colorado says it has to find a new nickname. –Jimmy Fallon

ABC is dropping plans for a live musical of “The Little Mermaid” because of budget issues. Also, because nobody can hold their breath underwater for two hours. –Jimmy Fallon

A guy here in New York swims in the Hudson River every week to prove that it's clean. If you want to meet him in person, services are being held on 43rd Street at the Sherwood Funeral Home. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Suddenly those drug cartels don't seem so greedy anymore, do they? (the margin of error was five)

"In a new ranking of U.S. presidents by 65 historians, President Bush came in fifth from the bottom. And here's the bad part -- the margin of error was five." --Jay Leno

"Now that marijuana is legal in the state of Colorado, in Denver they're talking about taxing it up to 35 percent. Suddenly those drug cartels don't seem so greedy anymore, do they?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Which, let’s be honest, is going to make for an interesting prom (a 30 foot tall rainbow dragon)

A school in a small village in the French Alps recently experienced a decrease in class size. So in order to avoid a school closure, a local farmer enrolled, and we are not making this up, fifteen of his sheep in the school. Which, let’s be honest, is going to make for an interesting prom. --James Corden

After a very close vote, the city of Denver, Colorado, just became the first city in the nation to decriminalize hallucinogenic mushrooms. The announcement was made by Denver’s mayor, a 30 foot tall rainbow dragon that totally has your dad’s face. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Come for the legal marijuana, stay because you forgot to leave (Next one's free)

"Former Vice President Dick Cheney was released from the hospital today after being treated for a mild heart attack, his fifth heart attack. Next one's free." –Jimmy Kimmel

"In November, Colorado voted to legalize the recreational use of marijuana. Currently, only Colorado residents can purchase marijuana in the state. But they may open it up to nonresidents too. The new state slogan is 'Come for the legal marijuana, stay because you forgot to leave.'" –Jimmy Kimmel

Last night at the Emmys, "The People v. O.J. Simpson" took home nine awards. Actor, supporting actor, writing, even the Ford Bronco won best mid-sized sport utility vehicle. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What channel is CDC? (Weed is definitely legal in Colorado)

According to a new study by the CDC, women are more likely than men to experiment with same-sex partners. Said men, “What channel is CDC?” –Seth Meyers

A group in Colorado has set a new world record for largest sticker ball after combining enough decals to create a nearly 9 foot wide 232 pound ball which proves one thing: Weed is definitely legal in Colorado.” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Three Men and Hundreds of Children (tear-away pants and a dog collar)

A county in Colorado just voted to put taxes from selling marijuana toward supporting college scholarships. And you can tell it's a weed scholarship, because it actually pays for 11 years of college. –Jimmy Fallon

But this isn't the first time the White House has had trouble with a press pass. There have been sort of notable problems with that process, including in the Bush administration when they gave a -- regularly, gave a day pass to someone who turned out to be a male escort. They knew something was up when he was the only reporter wearing tear-away pants and a dog collar. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You'll feel better about it already (all he had was Swiss Francs)

"And of course, a lot of right wingers are very upset about this because they believe this health care bill will cost a lot of money. You know what I think? Just pretend it's another unnecessary war. You'll feel better about it already." –Jay Leno

"An awkward moment for Mitt Romney today in Colorado. A homeless guy asked him for a dollar, but all he had was Swiss Francs." –Jay Leno

"Mitt Romney's campaign raised $35 million more than President Obama for the month of June. Out of force of habit, Mitt stashed it all in the Cayman Islands." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they’re just gonna lay low for a while (laid down the boogie)

The Girl Scouts have announced that they will offer 23 new badges focused on science, technology, engineering and math. While the Boy Scouts have announced they’re just gonna lay low for a while. –Seth Meyers

According to a new report from BP, the earth will run out of oil in 53 years. Luckily, thanks to BP, the ocean will still have plenty.--Seth Meyers

"According to a new poll, two-thirds of people in Colorado think it should be illegal to smoke marijuana in public, while the other one-third are still laughing at the word 'poll.'" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Suddenly those drug cartels don't seem so greedy anymore, do they? (the margin of error was five)

"The countdown is now under way for what a lot of people are calling, the wedding of the year — on July 31 Chelsea Clinton is getting married. Bill and Hillary are thrilled; they say they don't care who the groom is as long as it's not Levi Johnston." –Jay Leno

"In a new ranking of U.S. presidents by 65 historians, President Bush came in fifth from the bottom. And here's the bad part -- the margin of error was five." --Jay Leno

"Now that marijuana is legal in the state of Colorado, in Denver they're talking about taxing it up to 35 percent. Suddenly those drug cartels don't seem so greedy anymore, do they?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the meal AND the toy (he must taste delicious)

A 20-year-old man from Colorado recently survived a shark bite in Hawaii. Less than a year before that, he was attacked by a 300-pound black bear. And a few years before that, he was bitten by a rattlesnake while hiking. Based on these incidents, we do know a lot about this man. For example, he must taste delicious.  --James Corden

A North Carolina meat supplier has recalled 35,000 pounds of ground beef after customers complained that it contained pieces of hard, blue plastic. So now if you get a McDonald's happy meal, your burger is both the meal AND the toy. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It sounds like a lot, but after taxes ... it was still $598 million (Insomnia SWAT Team)

A new report just came out that says President Trump made $598 million in income last year. It sounds like a lot, but after taxes ... it was still $598 million. –Jimmy Fallon

"Last night Hillary Clinton said she won't support legalizing recreational marijuana until we see how it goes in Colorado. Officials in Colorado couldn't respond because they were too busy swimming in a pool of money." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He violated Fox News’s strict 11-woman limit (Americans with legitimate grievances)

Bill O’Reilly has been fired from Fox News after being accused of sexually harassing up to 12 women. Apparently O’Reilly violated Fox News’s strict 11-woman limit. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump is now making fun of what he calls John Kasich's "disgusting" table manners. As an example, Trump named Kasich's gross habit of having dinner with a wife who’s about his own age. –Conan O’Brien

"A Colorado company has introduced the first marijuana vending machine. As a result, the vending machines around it are doing much better." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's like a reggae festival and Willie Nelson's birthday combined (People without heads tend not to speak out)

"A new study estimates that Colorado residents will legally smoke more than 2 million ounces of marijuana next year. That's like a reggae festival and Willie Nelson's birthday combined." –Jimmy Kimmel

Before his visit to Israel, Trump was in Saudi Arabia. This is where the wheels came off. First of all, his commerce secretary was on TV raving about how there were no protesters in Saudi Arabia. Because protesters are beheaded in Saudi Arabia. That's why. People without heads tend not to speak out. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The move was criticized by Democrats and landscapers (and my missing turtleneck)

The White House placed yard signs with mug shots of illegals they've arrested and crimes they committed. The move was criticized by Democrats and landscapers. —Greg Gutfeld

Hundreds of DEA agents raided an underground nightclub in Colorado. Agents allegedly found drug use, prostitution and my missing turtleneck. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Transfer all power from life support to the main thrusters (purposefully distorted)

Well, this week, we learned our entire national security team has the texting skills of my Aunt Janet. Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth, seen here indicating how many days since his last drink, sent detailed attack plans for an airstrike in Yemen to a text chain that accidentally included the editor of The Atlantic magazine. Of all people to accidentally add to the chat, it was the editor of The Atlantic. That's like if you were planning a surprise quinceañera and you cc'd Jared from Subway. —Colin Jost

Colorado officials have removed a portrait of President Trump from the state capitol after Trump complained that it didn't look good, calling it "purposefully distorted.” In the artist's defense, Trump did pose for the portrait with a hamburger inside his mouth. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I don’t agree with Trump on much, but yeah, they screwed you (Dave’s weird friend)

“Trump has fully turned Canada – yeah, that Canada – into an enemy. He’s threatening military force to annex Greenland, he signed an order directing his vice-president to remove ‘wokeness’ from the National Zoo and he’s mad about a portrait at the Colorado state capitol that isn’t sufficiently flattering. On that last point, I don’t agree with Trump on much, but yeah, they fucked you.” —Seth Meyers

National security adviser Mike Waltz’s played the blame game for the Signal group chat used to discuss sensitive military plans for strikes in Yemen. Speaking to Fox News, Waltz claimed that the number for Jeffrey Goldberg, The Atlantic editor he invited to the chat, just got “sucked in” to his phone. It just got ‘sucked in’ is a terrible answer when your title is national security adviser. It’s not even a good answer if your title is Dave’s weird friend. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the portrait turned out to be a mirror (we heard about it from the Chinese spy he banged)

A painting of President Trump at the Colorado State capital will will be taken down after he claimed it was deliberately distorted. Meanwhile Nancy Pelosi also complained about her portrait, but then the portrait turned out to be a mirror. —Greg Gutfeld

Democrat Congressman Eric Swalwell is still outraged that a reporter was accidentally included on the Signal app conversation between Trump officials. Yeah, we heard about it from the Chinese spy he banged. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even unicorns are saying, 'Not buyin' it.' (weed scholarship)

"On Tuesday, Utah Candidate Mia Love became the first black Republican woman elected to Congress. She's also a Mormon. Yeah, a black female Republican Mormon. Even unicorns are saying, 'Not buyin' it.'" –Jimmy Fallon

A county in Colorado just voted to put taxes from selling marijuana toward supporting college scholarships. And you can tell it's a weed scholarship, because it actually pays for 11 years of college. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Frodo needs a Gatorade! (Premium Diesel)

A Colorado marijuana dispensary this week is opening the country’s first combination pot store and gas station. On the downside, you’ll have no idea what you’re getting when you order the Premium Diesel. –Seth Meyers

Marathon weekend is like any other weekend in New York City, except the people going to the bathroom on the street are in much better shape. --Seth Meyers

Hey, marathons, if I wanted to waste my day watching someone travel 26 miles by foot, I'd binge-watch "The Lord of the Rings." Frodo needs a Gatorade! --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

all he had was Swiss Francs (rock, paper and scissors)

"Former President George W. Bush is now writing a book about the 12 toughest decisions that he had to make as president. He said each decision had three options -- rock, paper and scissors." --Jay Leno

"An awkward moment for Mitt Romney today in Colorado. A homeless guy asked him for a dollar, but all he had was Swiss Francs." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”