Maybe we should elect a man who whispers crazy things (His poor mother must be spinning in all of her graves)

"Folks, I'm no fan of 'Sesame Street.' They expose our children to dangerous liberal ideas like befriending the homeless, two men sleeping in the same bedroom and counting." –Stephen Colbert

Lately, Donald Trump has been pretty cranky about losing his lead in the polls over retired neurosurgeon and "Guy who sits next to you in an otherwise empty theater," Ben Carson. Evidently, people have been looking at Trump and thinking, "Maybe we shouldn't elect a man who shouts crazy things. Maybe we should elect a man who whispers crazy things." –Stephen Colbert

“New York congressman George Santos, who during his campaign lied about, and I’m rounding down here, everything. Among the things Santos lied about: where he went to high school, where he went to college, working for Goldman Sachs, owning 13 properties (he lives at his sister’s in Huntington), and that his grandparents survived the Holocaust. He also claimed his mother died in the September 11 attacks, then said she died a few years later, then admitted she died in late 2016. That is a horrible thing to lie about. His poor mother must be spinning in all of her graves.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even sadder, he already had a son named Trevor (Did he practice on himself?)

An Australian man is making headlines after he started treating an abandoned shopping cart as his son, naming it Trevor and giving it a pair of sneakers. Even sadder, he already had a son named Trevor. –Seth Meyers

Housing secretary Ben Carson was mocked on social media yesterday for mistaking the phrase REO, meaning "real estate owned," for the cookie Oreo. I mean, how did that guy become a brain surgeon? Did he practice on himself? --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I don’t want to spoil it for anyone who’s planning to read it (your rulers are afraid of you)

White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders was asked

about Clinton’s book. She said she thought it was sad. Which is

true. I mean, it is — I don’t want to spoil it for anyone who’s

planning to read it, but at the end of the book, Donald Trump

becomes president. –Jimmy Kimmel

Ben Carson did not make a particularly strong impression last night. Ben Carson, to me, comes off like a guy who grabbed the wrong drink at Bill Cosby's house. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s the name brands who have trouble (Now is the time of monsters)

"This weekend George W. Bush said it's a toss-up whether his brother Jeb will run for president in 2016. Bush said there's a 40-40 chance." –Seth Meyers

An early copy of The New York Times best-seller list obtained by Buzzfeed shows Ben Carson's "A More Perfect Union" is edging out Donald Trump's "Crippled America." And a little further down the list is Jeb Bush's "I Don't Want to Do This Anymore." I highly recommend chapter three, "Why is this happening to me?" –Seth Meyers

According to a new poll, a generic Democratic opponent would beat President Trump by 10 points in the 2020 election. Yeah, the generics do great. It’s the name brands [shows photo of Hillary] who have trouble. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

DNA kits (Really?)

Donald Trump is out in front of the pack again. According to a new Reuters poll he's in first place among likely Republican voters with 42 percent. Ben Carson is in second with just under 25 percent. Only 4 percent now say they would support Jeb Bush. That number dropped to 2 percent when the pollster asked, "Really?" –Jimmy Kimmel

"The European Space Agency landed a probe on a comet 317 million miles from Earth. When you get discouraged by how much attention people pay to Kim Kardashian's buttocks, remember that there are also people out there that know how to land a spacecraft on a moving comet 317 million miles away. They're out there." –Jimmy Kimmel

“In Georgia, Herschel Walker and Raphael Warnock are headed to a runoff election in December, which could decide control of the Senate. Runoff is also what Herschel does when one of his kids shows up with a DNA kit.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I’m sure it’s not the first time Trump has been closely pursued by a brain surgeon (and world leaders in the audience laughed)

President Trump claimed that he has accomplished more than any other president in history, and world leaders in the audience laughed, though technically they were still laughing from when he said, "Hello, I'm the president of the United States." --Seth Meyers

New national poll numbers show Dr. Ben Carson has pulled within four points of frontrunner Donald Trump. And I’m sure it’s not the first time Trump has been closely pursued by a brain surgeon. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If it gets down to the 20s he might start dating it (the most embarrassing member of the Bush family)

President Trump’s approval rating has sunk to near-historic lows. According to a new Quinnipiac poll, his approval rating is down to 36 percent. If it gets down to the 20s he might start dating it. –Jimmy Kimmel

Dr. Ben Carson, for the first time ever, leads Donald Trump in a new national poll. According to the new CBS News/New York Times poll, Carson at 26 percent, Trump is in second place with 22 percent. Jeb Bush only has 7 percent. Jeb Bush has officially become the most embarrassing member of the Bush family, even below Billy Bush. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The good news is, I’m ready to operate on your baby’s brain again! (Great, who's going to want to come to Hawaii now?)

Today, Dr. Ben Carson dropped out of the presidential race after a dismal and ineffective campaign. He said, "The good news is, I’m ready to operate on your baby’s brain again!" –Conan O’Brien

"President Obama has decided that he wants his presidential library to be in Chicago, not Hawaii. Today Hawaii's governor said, 'Great, who's going to want to come to Hawaii now?'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

One of them even lost an eye... 26 (a solid 24)

In a recent interview, President Trump revealed he has only been sleeping four or five hours a night. While Ben Carson is still getting a solid 24. –Seth Meyers

A Tennessee man with the word "Psycho" tattooed on his forehead was arrested this week for stabbing someone in the stomach. Of course, if you have a tattoo on your forehead, no matter what it says, it says "Psycho." –Seth Meyers

Two elderly women in Canada this week got into a physical fight after they both wanted to sit in the same chair during a game of Bingo. One of them even lost an eye... 26. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh snap, it's Ben Carson (Or should I say, Men of the sea)

Donald Trump's inauguration day falls on Martin Luther King Day. And if Doctor King were alive today, I bet Trump would walk right up to him and say, oh snap, it's Ben Carson. —Michael Che

President Biden announced that a Navy aircraft carrier will be named in honor of Bill Clinton. The carrier will also honor Bill Clinton by being covered in semen. Or should I say, Men of the sea. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it's the only form of birth control her insurance would cover (Hey, what does this button do?)

Donald Trump said in an interview today that it is highly unlikely that he would ever use nuclear weapons as president. Meanwhile, Ben Carson said, “Hey, what does this button do?” –Seth Meyers

A new study has found that specially trained pigeons can have up to an 85 percent accuracy rate of detecting breast cancer in humans. Which means that 15 percent of the time it’s just a pigeon staring at your boobs. –Seth Meyers

Officials in Florida yesterday pulled over a woman who was hiding a foot-long alligator in her yoga pants. To be fair, it's the only form of birth control her insurance would cover. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Why is this happening to me? (there's a 40-40 chance)

An early copy of The New York Times best-seller list obtained by Buzzfeed shows Ben Carson's "A More Perfect Union" is edging out Donald Trump's "Crippled America." And a little further down the list is Jeb Bush's "I Don't Want to Do This Anymore." I highly recommend chapter three, "Why is this happening to me?" –Seth Meyers

"This weekend George W. Bush said it's a toss-up whether his brother Jeb will run for president in 2016. Bush said there's a 40-40 chance." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Jeb Bush has officially become the most embarrassing member of the Bush family (which is good, it was filthy)

The Trump campaign launched what they say will be a nightly show on Facebook Live called “Trump Tower Live.” Some people believe he’s starting to build a new channel called Trump TV, which is great news — finally we get a chance to see Donald Trump on TV. –Jimmy Kimmel

The Secret Service swept our building today — which is good, it was filthy. –Jimmy Kimmel

Dr. Ben Carson, for the first time ever, leads Donald Trump in a new national poll. According to the new CBS News/New York Times poll, Carson at 26 percent, Trump is in second place with 22 percent. Jeb Bush only has 7 percent. Jeb Bush has officially become the most embarrassing member of the Bush family, even below Billy Bush. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And it's just like a Bush to attack the wrong guy, it really is (We totally caught ourselves by surprise)

“But meanwhile, this U.S. exit from Syria was so sudden and hasty, we actually had to bomb one of our own bases to destroy the ammunition that was left behind. Thanks to our genius commander in chief, the U.S. military is now bombing itself. And it was a success, too. We totally caught ourselves by surprise.” --Jimmy Kimmel

Jeb Bush had a very rough night last night. He finally got time to say what he wanted, and how did he use it? He attacks not Donald Trump, not Hillary Clinton or Ben Carson. Of all people, he attacks Marco Rubio for missing votes in the Senate. Which is something that literally no one outside of Florida cares about. It was embarrassing. And it's just like a Bush to attack the wrong guy, it really is. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And by the looks of him, I’m guessing that shower never happened (And they all have one thing in common – they’re all surprised)

Taylor Swift announced she is launching a new app called “The Swift Life” that will feature “Taymojis,” which are emojis that look like her. And they all have one thing in common – they’re all surprised. –Seth Meyers

Despite claiming last week that he would have rushed the Oregon shooter to save lives, Dr. Ben Carson yesterday recounted how he was once held up at gunpoint in a Popeye’s Chicken and told the gunman, “I believe you want the guy behind the counter.” So we know at least one guy who’s DEFINITELY not voting for Ben Carson. –Seth Meyers

The New Yorker today released audio of fired Hollywood movie producer Harvey Weinstein begging a model to come into his hotel room and watch him shower. And by the looks of him, I’m guessing that shower never happened. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He comes off like a guy who grabbed the wrong drink at Bill Cosby's house (sending a message)

Ben Carson did not make a particularly strong impression last night. Ben Carson, to me, comes off like a guy who grabbed the wrong drink at Bill Cosby's house. –Jimmy Kimmel

"Pope Francis just got a used car, a 1984 Renault with 190,000 miles on it. The Pope said he wanted an old car so he could drive around listening to his Billy Idol cassettes." –Jimmy Kimmel

Among seniors 65 and older, monthly marijuana use is up 333 percent. That's just Willie Nelson. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I mean, other than games one, two, four and five, they crushed it (Bit-O-Honey)

Despite losing control of the House, our president took a victory

lap last night. President Trump called the results very close to a

complete victory for republicans. Yes. In the same way the

World Series was very close to a complete victory for the

Dodgers. I mean, other than games one, two, four and five,

they crushed it. They won. --Jimmy Kimmel

A new Quinnipiac University poll came out yesterday that shows Donald Trump back on top of Ben Carson, 24 to 23 percent, and Jeb Bush is now down to only 4 percent. More people picked Bit-O-Honey as their favorite Halloween candy than support Jeb Bush for president. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

a stunning abuse of power (Rock Sand)

It was reported yesterday that an op-ed written by Donald Trump seems to have been blatantly plagiarized from an article written by Dr. Ben Carson days before. People first became suspicious when Trump’s op-ed began, “As a black doctor…” --Seth Meyers

March Madness began today with top seeds going to Duke, Gonzaga, Virginia, and, in a stunning abuse of power, Trump University. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The good news is, I’m ready to operate on your baby’s brain again! (Get In Loser)

In the U.K., a group of scientists successfully taught bumblebees how to play soccer. And now, they’re trying to get American bumblebees to watch it. –Conan O’Brien

Today, Dr. Ben Carson dropped out of the presidential race after a dismal and ineffective campaign. He said, "The good news is, I’m ready to operate on your baby’s brain again!" –Conan O’Brien

The Las Vegas airport has asked passengers to dispose of their marijuana in a special box. In a related story at Las Vegas airport today, Willie Nelson was found hiding in a box. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”