I bet you can't eat that whole cow (pulled pork)

“So peace is breaking out in the Middle East, and in a part of the world where peace is as common as pulled pork.” — Greg Gutfeld

JB Pritzker is still defending himself after reporting $1.4 million in gambling winnings. In his defense, he claims that a fellow gambler said, "I bet you can't eat that whole cow.” —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And they can keep a secret when I ask them to bathe me in a car wash (I'll take two)

Illinois Governor JB Pritzker said illegal migrants are our neighbors and friends. He followed up by saying, “And they can keep a secret when I ask them to bathe me in a car wash.” —Greg Gutfeld

Earlier today, Apple CEO Tim Cook introduced the new iPhone 17. 17? I'll take two, said Anthony Weiner. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I have to get back to you on this one (blue dress)

So, it's official. The UFC will host the first ever White House fight on July 4th. Yeah. It's the first violent beatdown to take place at the White House since Hillary discovered the blue dress. —Greg Gutfeld

Meanwhile, the Democrats also want to participate. And so far, they've already suggested these bouts. Jasmine Crockett versus a book. Jerry Nadler versus soap. Rashida Tlaib versus a razor. And JB Pritzker versus a narrow hallway. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

there's HOW many people in WHAT (feet picks on Only Fans)

DNC is so broke it's ready to post feet picks on Only Fans because donors are avoiding them like Hunter Biden avoids child support. —Greg Gutfeld

Next week's heatwave is expected to smash dozens of records in New York, Philly and Chicago. In fact, Illinois Governor JB Pritzker has already declared his crotch a disaster area. And in New York Jerry Nadler has already tested positive for chafing. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you haven't figured it out (540/road trip/Popemobile)

So did you hear that the new pope is not only American but he's from Chicago. Which means out of habit he's already installed the club in his Popemobile. —Greg Gutfeld

A new study found that 28 major US cities are sinking and experts have traced the cause back to JB Pritzker’s recent road trip. —Greg Gutfeld

California Democrats are proposing a mandatory retirement age for public officials. Nancy Pelosi breathed a sigh of relief when she found out the age was 540. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

...And the the people said (accidentally eaten Yoda)

A seven-year-old boy somehow drove his little sister nine miles to a McDonald's in his mom's SUV. Authorities say it could have been far worse if the mom had been driving. —Greg Gutfeld

To celebrate Star Wars Day JB Pritzker tweeted out a picture of himself in a Jedi costume. Whoa. Even Jabba the Hut was like "Wow this dude's fat." True, the picture caused many to wonder if Pritzker had accidentally eaten Yoda. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well now we'll know how his toilet feels (In their defense they got a discount using the promo code MS13)

 JB Pritzker is now calling for mass protests and disruption. Vowing that Republicans cannot know a moment of peace. Well now we'll know how his toilet feels. —Greg Gutfeld

According to the Daily Caller the four Democrats who went to an El Salvador prison to visit alleged gang member Kilmar Abrego Garcia stayed in a luxury hotel. In their defense they got a discount using the promo code MS13. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

I haven't seen so many Democrats excited to travel since Epstein Island (Gnorts, Mr Alien)

Today of course is Earth Day. Nancy Pelosi said, "I remember the first one, seven billion years ago." —Greg Gutfeld

DNC co-chair David Hogg told Politico that JB Pritzker is a fighter. True. Right now he's battling diabetes, heart disease, and the thousand pound limit on his condo’s elevator. —Greg Gutfeld

Yesterday four more Democrats landed in El Salvador to greet Kilmar Garcia. I haven't seen so many Democrats excited to travel since Epstein Island. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It goes great with my gravy scented deodorant (Legend)

Pop star Ed Sheeran joined tonight show host Jimmy Fallon for a music performance in the New York City subway. It's the first time commuters threw themselves in front of oncoming trains. —Greg Gutfeld

KFC is now offering a fried chicken flavored toothpaste. Yeah, it goes great with my gravy scented deodorant said JB Pritzker. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I don't even bother to take them out of my g-string after a show (How about we vote on it?)

Federal inspectors announced they recalled nearly 23,000 pounds of cheddar bratwurst. But it was an easy recall because it was all in JB Pritzker’s fridge. —Greg Gutfeld 

So how about those ‘hands off’ protests? Cute title right. It sounds like something written on Joy Behar's lunchbox at work. —Greg Gutfeld

Doge was designed to actually help the people who are protesting. Doge's actual goal preventing a full-blown economic collapse, the kind where the US dollar becomes so worthless I don't even bother to take them out of my g-string after a show. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well I wouldn't know, I haven’t seen my feet in years (they're complicit)

Doctors warn that your health could be at risk if you have a curved pinky toe. Well I wouldn't know, I haven’t seen my feet in years said JB Pritzker. —Greg Gutfeld

According to a recent article about one in five people can wiggle their ears. I can't do that but I'll show you something else I can wiggle said Bill Clinton. You saw that coming. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He would have said more but he had to clear the dishes from her table (a tractor trailer carrying frozen curly fries)

In Maine, a tractor trailer carrying frozen curly fries caught fire on the highway. Crap, now I need a new tractor trailer said JB Pritzker. —Greg Gutfeld

Don Lemon told Megan Kelly to go F herself after seeing her reaction to Joy Reid's firing. He would have said more but he had to clear the dishes from her table. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's now seeking advice from Bill Belichick (every time their wife leaves the house)

A new poll showed President Trump is still not scoring well with female voters ages 18 to 24. He's now seeking advice from Bill Belichick. —Greg Gutfeld

A psychologist recommends that adults may want to consider revisiting their childhood hobbies. This must be advice for women because men revisit their childhood hobby every time their wife leaves the house. —Greg Gutfeld

A French company set a record for the world's largest cheese fondue. I know. JB Pritzker just bought a one-way ticket to France. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He was spotted nearby with 10,000 pounds of bacon (baby's first words)

Someone in Pennsylvania stole 100,000 eggs from the back of a truck, and in a strange coincidence JB Pritzker was spotted nearby with 10,000 pounds of bacon. —Greg Gutfeld

A Florida woman gave birth on a New York City subway train. Not surprising, the baby's first words were what the f*** you looking at? —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I had no idea we funded soccer (breakfast)

In other sports news, according to the Washington Times USAID gave 6.3 million to study men having sex with other men in South Africa. I know. I had no idea we funded soccer. —Greg Gutfeld 

And finally due to Listeria concerns, the FDA has recalled more than 2 million donuts, or as JB Pritzker calls it, breakfast. —Greg Gutfeld

 https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

something more appropriate (ginger power)

As you know Sunday is the Super Bowl, which means in less than 48 hours JB Pritzker will start filling his hot tub with ranch dressing. —Greg Gutfeld

For the big game, the NFL will remove the words End Racism from the endzone to be replaced by something more appropriate (Pay Child Support). —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”