He’s a big talker! He yaps (Your government despises you)

Tuesday was just another crazy day here in the United States of America! The president promised, then called off, destructive attacks in Iran by 8pm that evening. Probably the most dangerous episode of the Celebrity Apprentice yet. We’re coming to you from Los Angeles for the local time’s just after 5pm, which was Trump’s deadline for Iran to ‘Open the F-ing strait or you’ll be living in hell.’ 

Trump gave a hard cut-off time of right now. And then this morning he wrote, ‘A whole civilization will die tonight, never to be brought back again,’ in a post on his social media platform Truth Social. You realize that this is the same man who was just bitching about losing the Nobel peace prize? Now he’s threatening a civilization with death. He went from Mahatma Gandhi to General Zod like that. So all day today everyone, most notably the people of Iran, were wondering if their civilization was going to die tonight. 

Well, good news, it didn’t. It was the Taco Tuesday of all Taco Tuesdays. Our president decided not to drop the chalupa for at least another two weeks. This is how it goes every single time Trump says something insane. He says, ‘I’m going to kill everybody tomorrow at 5pm.’ Then we all freak out and then he backs off. He’s like, ‘You know what? Actually, I’ll kill everyone in two weeks.’ 

Then we relax, and then he forgets he ever said it in the first place. He has the memory and the skin color of a goldfish. Perhaps the worst part was how relaxed the congressional Republicans are about it. He threatens to annihilate a civilization, they’re like ‘Well, you know how he is. He’s a big talker! He yaps.’ —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Think of it-always (So if you live in Wales, be sure to lock up your Doritos)

A city in South Wales is on alert following reports that local sheep may have consumed marijuana from an illegal grow operation and have begun breaking into homes. So if you live in Wales, be sure to lock up your Doritos. –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump, today, officially clinched the Republican nomination, which means he's one step closer to moving into the smallest house he's ever lived in. –Seth Meyers

President Obama signed legislation this week that replaced the term “Eskimo” in all federal laws with the phrase “Alaska Native.” “Fine, I’ll have seven Alaska Native pies,” said Chris Christie. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

And the worst part is that Ted Cruz sang it sexy like Marilyn Monroe (puppy dog eyes)

President Biden landed in Italy on Wednesday for the G7 Summit, his second trip to Europe in a week. He went to France last week, now he’s off to Italy. Biden’s like your friend who is somehow posting pics from Europe all summer. Usually when an 81-year-old does that much traveling through Europe, it’s on a Viking river cruise. — Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump is in the process of picking a vice-presidential candidate. One candidate who isn’t in the running is Kristi Noem, who made headlines recently when she admitted killing her dog. She tried her best. She even gave Trump puppy dog eyes – literally, she sent him a box of puppy dog eyes. —Stephen Colbert

Donald Trump returned to Capitol Hill on Thursday, his first visit there since the Jan. 6 riot. House Republicans sang an early “Happy Birthday” for the former president, who turned 78 on Friday. And the worst part is that Ted Cruz sang it sexy like Marilyn Monroe. — Jordan Klepper, The Daily Show

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

dammit, so I flushed the toilet for nothing?! (his skin looks like tikka masala)

“Meanwhile, Trump kicked off his first state visit to India on Monday with a stop at Mahatma Gandhi’s home, where he spun a replica of the wheel Gandhi used to make his own clothes. That’s lovely – now he knows what it’s like to work in one of Ivanka’s factories.” —Stephen Colbert

“On Trump’s first day in India, he received a hero’s welcome. Trump is very popular in India. Some like him because of his anti-Muslim rhetoric, some like him because of his business savvy, and all of them like him because his skin looks like tikka masala.” —Trevor Noah

“India pulled out all the stops for Trump’s visit. They built new roads, drained sewers and constructed a slum-masking wall in anticipation of Trump’s visit. You know Trump’s gonna love their new wall. He’s like, ‘see, they built a wall, and I haven’t seen a single Mexican. It works, folks.’ The preparations may seem extreme, but this is basically what guys do whenever a girl says she’s coming over. You make your bed, pick up your clothes, hide all your junk in the closet, then she calls and says she can’t make it and you’re like, ‘dammit, so I flushed the toilet for nothing?!’” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”