Which, let’s be honest, is going to make for an interesting prom (a 30 foot tall rainbow dragon)

A school in a small village in the French Alps recently experienced a decrease in class size. So in order to avoid a school closure, a local farmer enrolled, and we are not making this up, fifteen of his sheep in the school. Which, let’s be honest, is going to make for an interesting prom. --James Corden

After a very close vote, the city of Denver, Colorado, just became the first city in the nation to decriminalize hallucinogenic mushrooms. The announcement was made by Denver’s mayor, a 30 foot tall rainbow dragon that totally has your dad’s face. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Are we taking the choo-choo or the beep-beep? (a statement telling the National Park Service to mind their own business)

“The National Park Service is asking visitors to please stop licking the hallucinogenic toads. The toads issued a statement telling the National Park Service to mind their own business.” —Jimmy Fallon

I saw that President Trump leaves for a 12-day trip to Asia tomorrow. It got off to a bad start when he asked, “How long is the drive? Are we taking the choo-choo or the beep-beep?” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Mitch, Smokey is way more intense in person (You may see it in 75 years)

My friends and I took acid and went into the woods. Because it’s less likely that you’ll run into an authority figure in the woods. Well we ran into a bear which was even more of a buzzkill. My friend Dewayne was standing there raising his right hand swearing to help prevent forest fires. We got away from the bear and Dewayne put his arm around my shoulder he said, “Mitch, Smokey is way more intense in person.” —Mitch Hedberg

I was in a death metal band for seven years. But one day when we were walking out of the pawn shop we became a death metal metal barbershop quartet. —Mitch Hedberg

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The toads issued a statement telling the National Park Service to mind their own business (tear-away pants and a dog collar)

But this isn't the first time the White House has had trouble with a press pass. There have been sort of notable problems with that process, including in the Bush administration when they gave a -- regularly, gave a day pass to someone who turned out to be a male escort. They knew something was up when he was the only reporter wearing tear-away pants and a dog collar. --Jimmy Fallon

“The National Park Service is asking visitors to please stop licking the hallucinogenic toads. The toads issued a statement telling the National Park Service to mind their own business.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The toads issued a statement telling the National Park Service to mind their own business (a monopoly on truth)

“The National Park Service is asking visitors to please stop licking the hallucinogenic toads. The toads issued a statement telling the National Park Service to mind their own business.” —Jimmy Fallon

So, Michelle Obama actually had a nice time showing Melania Trump around, although it got weird when they walked into the Lincoln Bedroom and Melania said, “Wow, what a lovely closet.” –Jimmy Fallon

It just came out that Trump’s secretary of state, Rex Tillerson, was on the toilet when he found out Trump fired him on Twitter. Then Trump said, “Wow, what a coincidence — I was on the toilet when I tweeted that.” That’s right, Tillerson was on the toilet when he was fired. Which explains why Jeff Sessions and Betsy DeVos haven’t used a bathroom in six months. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wow, that is the worst thing ever to happen to Titanic (maybe walk around the neighborhood till you calm down)

Avengers: Endgame just beat the $2.12 Billion box office record set by Titanic. Wow, that is the worst thing ever to happen to Titanic. --Stephen Colbert

The information is so sensitive, the article can’t describe in detail what was shared, but one official said, “This is code-word information.” ”Code word” means the vital aspects of the story have to be replaced with other words. You have to say things like, “The package has been delivered.” “The squirrel is in the basket.” ”The idiot is in the Oval.” –Stephen Colbert

This week Denver became the first city to decriminalize hallucinogenic mushrooms. This is going to change their whole approach to tourism. “Denver: Come stare at the wood grain on the door, then maybe walk around the neighborhood till you calm down.” --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Your hamburger is both the meal AND the toy (That wasn't a microdose)

Do you guys remember Antonio Sabato Jr.? He’s a former model that used to appear on soap operas like “General Hospital” and “Melrose Place.” Well, he’s a huge Trump supporter and he just announced that he’s running for Congress. He has the right qualifications for a successful politician these days — absolutely no qualifications. –James Corden

Now Donald Trump’s exact quote about his tax return was, “Oh, at some point I’ll release them. Maybe I’ll release them after I’m finished because I’m very proud of them. Actually, I did a good job.” Who talks about their tax forms like that? We want him to release his taxes, but at this point, I’d settle for him releasing his high school diploma. –James Corden

A North Carolina meat supplier has recalled 35,000 pounds of ground beef after customers complained that it contained pieces of hard, blue plastic. So now if you get a McDonald's happy meal, your burger is both the meal AND the toy. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”