Man, that’s going to be some super halftime show (Great, now do my prenup!)

"A member of Congress is criticizing Steven Spielberg after he discovered parts of the movie 'Lincoln' are historically inaccurate — particularly the scene where Lincoln dies in the mouth of a great white shark." –Conan O'Brien

Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning said yesterday he’s going to need to get his hip replaced. Man, that’s going to be some super halftime show. –Conan O’Brien

“After President Trump gave his State of the Union address, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi tore it in half. Tore in half! Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Then Melania said, ‘Great, now do my prenup.’” —Conan O’Brien

"Republican Mike Huckabee criticized the Obamas for letting their daughters listen to Beyoncé due to her explicit lyrics. So now the Obama girls are faced with the tough choice every teen must eventually make — listen to Beyoncé or Mike Huckabee." –Conan O'Brien

Justin Timberlake says there will be no 'N Sync reunion during the Super Bowl. The Patriots are upset because now it means they’ll be the most hated guys on the field. --Conan O’Brien

Vladimir Putin is scheduled to play an exhibition hockey game against former professional hockey players. Putin is scheduled to win by 12 goals. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You Got Screwed, But Here's Cab Fare Plan (somebody get a bag of marshmallows)

"It's frightening to be alive, walking around this planet in 2008. Listen to this. A 20,000-pound satellite has burned out. It's going to crash into us. It's already starting to plummet and soon it will explode. There's going to be a fire. Oh, no, wait a minute. I'm sorry, I'm thinking about the Giuliani campaign" --David Letterman

"President Bush said the State of the Union was good, not as good as his buddies at Exxon, but still pretty good." --Jay Leno

 "President Bush also promoted his stimulus package, where each American will get $600. This is part of the 'You Got Screwed, But Here's Cab Fare Plan.'" --Jay Leno