86 push-ups underwater (mood rings)

A yoga teacher broke the world record by doing 86 push-ups underwater while holding his breath. Many people want to know his secret in case they ever enter a men's room after Jerry Nadler. —Greg Gutfeld 

Kamala Harris has moved into a rich community that has no diversity. In her defense, she pointed to a bottle of Johnny Walker Black. —Greg Gutfeld 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it's the only form of birth control her insurance would cover (salivate when the bell rings)

According to reports, former Vice President Joe Biden requires that his paid speaking engagements provide him with a dinner of angel hair pomodoro, caprese salad, and raspberry sorbet. And this is weird: He asked for the angel hair just to smell it. --Seth Meyers

A dog named Scamp the Tramp was crowned the World's Ugliest Dog over the weekend. They knew it was a no-brainer when the other dogs started sniffing its face. --Seth Meyers

Officials in Florida yesterday pulled over a woman who was hiding a foot-long alligator in her yoga pants. To be fair, it's the only form of birth control her insurance would cover. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

How would they get on my private jet? (the suffering on the tape is real)

The stars of the "Game of Thrones" have gotten huge raises and will make $500,000 per episode next season. So when you see a character get killed off, know that the suffering on the tape is real. –Jimmy Fallon

Today, hundreds of people did yoga in Times Square to celebrate the first day of summer. At least, I THINK that’s why Times Square Elmo was lying face-down. –Jimmy Fallon

"A new survey found that only 31 percent of Americans would want to sit next to Mitt Romney on a flight. Romney was so upset, he was like, 'I don't understand. How would they get on my private jet?'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it's the only form of birth control her insurance would cover (Hey, what does this button do?)

Donald Trump said in an interview today that it is highly unlikely that he would ever use nuclear weapons as president. Meanwhile, Ben Carson said, “Hey, what does this button do?” –Seth Meyers

A new study has found that specially trained pigeons can have up to an 85 percent accuracy rate of detecting breast cancer in humans. Which means that 15 percent of the time it’s just a pigeon staring at your boobs. –Seth Meyers

Officials in Florida yesterday pulled over a woman who was hiding a foot-long alligator in her yoga pants. To be fair, it's the only form of birth control her insurance would cover. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We need it for our bongs (The Master's Tools)

According to a new study, L.A. has the most or best road rage in the United States. We are number one road rage-wise. We have the unique ability to get blinded with fury on the way home from a yoga class here. –Jimmy Kimmel

Here in California, we are in the middle of a very serious drought. Our governor imposed permanent water conservation rules and said this drought might not ever end. Well, not with that attitude, it won't. Water is a precious resource in California. We need it for our bongs. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, I was expecting someone else. Sorry. (and he hasn't seen her since)

Finally, this is interesting. Denmark is building a 43-mile-long fence along its border with Germany to keep out wild pigs. And just to mess with Trump, Mexico agreed to pay for it. --Jimmy Fallon

An Australian company has developed a new pair of smart yoga pants that vibrate when you hold a yoga pose correctly. One man got a pair for his wife, and he hasn't seen her since. –Jimmy Fallon

Arnold Schwarzenegger met Pope Francis at the Vatican today. When the Pope heard it was the guy that said, “I’ll be back,” he said, “Oh, I was expecting someone else. Sorry.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

To be fair, it's the only form of birth control her insurance would cover (The Mud Maid)

According to reports, former Vice President Joe Biden requires that his paid speaking engagements provide him with a dinner of angel hair pomodoro, caprese salad, and raspberry sorbet. And this is weird: He asked for the angel hair just to smell it. --Seth Meyers

Officials in Florida yesterday pulled over a woman who was hiding a foot-long alligator in her yoga pants. To be fair, it's the only form of birth control her insurance would cover. –Seth Meyers

A dog named Scamp the Tramp was crowned the World's Ugliest Dog over the weekend. They knew it was a no-brainer when the other dogs started sniffing its face. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, that's the price you pay for hiring Chris Christie (At least, I THINK that’s why Times Square Elmo was lying face-down)

Donald ​​Trump’s campaign isn't doing so well financially. A recent report said his campaign even spent over $100,000 for meals just last month. Trump was like, "Well, that's the price you pay for hiring Chris Christie." –Jimmy Fallon

Today, first lady Melania Trump made a surprise visit to the U.S.-Mexico border. And this isn't good — she brought her passport and everything she owns. --Jimmy Fallon

Today, hundreds of people did yoga in Times Square to celebrate the first day of summer. At least, I THINK that’s why Times Square Elmo was lying face-down. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

You know how you can't judge a book by its cover? This one you can. (Shot-in-the-Facebook)

"Kim Kardashian is here tonight because she has a new book out. It's called 'Selfish.' It is 400 pages of pictures she took of herself. You know how you can't judge a book by its cover? This one you can." –Jimmy Kimmel

According to a new study, L.A. has the most or best road rage in the United States. We are number one road rage-wise. We have the unique ability to get blinded with fury on the way home from a yoga class here. –Jimmy Kimmel

"Osama Bin-Laden’s up to 2,000 friends on Shot-in-the-Facebook." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, I was expecting someone else. Sorry. (One man got a pair for his wife, and he hasn't seen her since)

An Australian company has developed a new pair of smart yoga pants that vibrate when you hold a yoga pose correctly. One man got a pair for his wife, and he hasn't seen her since. –Jimmy Fallon

Arnold Schwarzenegger met Pope Francis at the Vatican today. When the Pope heard it was the guy that said, “I’ll be back,” he said, “Oh, I was expecting someone else. Sorry.” –Jimmy Fallon

That's right, the Broncos beat the Patriots to win the AFC Championship last night. Tom Brady was sacked four times. Brady was hit so hard, a kid in the stands actually caught one of his Uggs. –Jimmy Fallon

"A new helicopter service called Gotham Air is now offering users cheap flights from Manhattan to JFK or Newark airports that start at just $99. If there's two words I trust together in the same sentence, it's 'cheap' and 'helicopter.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

We need it for our bongs

According to a new study, L.A. has the most or best road rage in the United States. We are number one road rage-wise. We have the unique ability to get blinded with fury on the way home from a yoga class here. –Jimmy Kimmel

Here in California, we are in the middle of a very serious drought. Our governor imposed permanent water conservation rules and said this drought might not ever end. Well, not with that attitude, it won't. Water is a precious resource in California. We need it for our bongs. –Jimmy Kimmel

I'll tell you something, when Donald Trump is president, we won't have a problem with the drought because we'll all be drinking delicious Trump water. I'm told it's the best. –Jimmy Kimmel