BUT that’s what they like about him (particularly the scene where Lincoln dies in the mouth of a great white shark)

"A member of Congress is criticizing Steven Spielberg after he discovered parts of the movie 'Lincoln' are historically inaccurate — particularly the scene where Lincoln dies in the mouth of a great white shark." –Conan O'Brien

“After President Trump gave his State of the Union address, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi tore it in half. Tore in half! Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Then Melania said, ‘Great, now do my prenup.’” —Conan O’Brien

An ABC news poll showed that 48% of Americans think President Trump is mentally unstable. The remaining 52% agree BUT that’s what they like about him. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, the baby’s name is Lucky B*stard Jones (wait for it - 23,000 years)

"Next year's Super Bowl is already in the news. It takes place in New Jersey. The NFL says it wants to prevent another blackout. This one involves keeping Chris Christie away from his microwave." –Conan O'Brien

President Trump has sworn off McDonald’s and KFC. Not only that, he’s trying to get Chipotle deported. –Conan O’Brien

"A member of Congress is criticizing Steven Spielberg after he discovered parts of the movie 'Lincoln' are historically inaccurate — particularly the scene where Lincoln dies in the mouth of a great white shark." –Conan O'Brien

Yesterday shortly after the Super Bowl, a brand-new dad named his baby after Tom Brady. Yeah, the baby’s name is Lucky B*stard Jones. Good name for a kid. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The dangerous side effects women suffer include pelvic injuries, muscle tears, and children (location, location, location)

A Bruce Springsteen cover band is the latest musical act to drop out of performing at the inauguration. Yeah. That's right. That's the situation we're in right now. It is not a good sign when a cover band thinks you're not a legitimate president. –Conan O’Brien

Since January 1st, Texas is allowing gun owners to carry their guns openly in most public places. However, you still have to conceal your science book. –Conan O’Brien

A new study came out that reveals some dangerous side effects from childbirth. The dangerous side effects women suffer include pelvic injuries, muscle tears, and children. –Conan O’Brien

"The director of 'Zero Dark Thirty' has come out against torture. And the director of 'Lincoln' has come out against going to the theater in 1865." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Didn't Elton John wear that at the Grammys last year? (He only bowed to Dick Cheney)

"The movie 'Lincoln' opened over the weekend. It's getting unbelievable reviews. It's so authentic. Daniel Day-Lewis plays Lincoln. Sally Field plays Mary Todd Lincoln. John McCain plays himself." –Jay Leno

"Fox News is criticizing President Obama because he bowed to the Japanese emperor, and earlier he got in trouble with bowing to the Saudi king. See, that never would happen with President Bush. He only bowed to Dick Cheney." –Jay Leno

"I thought Hillary Clinton gave a great speech last night, terrific speech. That tangerine-colored pantsuit she was wearing -- maybe I'm wrong, but didn't Elton John wear that at the Grammys last year?" --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I thought you said ‘mace.’ (Bruce Springsteen cover band)

A Bruce Springsteen cover band is the latest musical act to drop out of performing at the inauguration. Yeah. That's right. That's the situation we're in right now. It is not a good sign when a cover band thinks you're not a legitimate president. –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday was the Trumps’ 13th wedding anniversary and I looked it up — the traditional gift for the 13th anniversary is lace. For a second, Melania got excited and said, “I thought you said ‘mace.’” --Conan O’Brien

"The director of 'Zero Dark Thirty' has come out against torture. And the director of 'Lincoln' has come out against going to the theater in 1865." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Man, that’s going to be some super halftime show (Great, now do my prenup!)

"A member of Congress is criticizing Steven Spielberg after he discovered parts of the movie 'Lincoln' are historically inaccurate — particularly the scene where Lincoln dies in the mouth of a great white shark." –Conan O'Brien

Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning said yesterday he’s going to need to get his hip replaced. Man, that’s going to be some super halftime show. –Conan O’Brien

“After President Trump gave his State of the Union address, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi tore it in half. Tore in half! Crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Then Melania said, ‘Great, now do my prenup.’” —Conan O’Brien

"Republican Mike Huckabee criticized the Obamas for letting their daughters listen to Beyoncé due to her explicit lyrics. So now the Obama girls are faced with the tough choice every teen must eventually make — listen to Beyoncé or Mike Huckabee." –Conan O'Brien

Justin Timberlake says there will be no 'N Sync reunion during the Super Bowl. The Patriots are upset because now it means they’ll be the most hated guys on the field. --Conan O’Brien

Vladimir Putin is scheduled to play an exhibition hockey game against former professional hockey players. Putin is scheduled to win by 12 goals. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Make sure you get paid up front, OK? Get the cash (Jeeves, be a good chap and remove my opera gloves)

A Bruce Springsteen cover band is the latest musical act to drop out of performing at the inauguration. Yeah. That's right. That's the situation we're in right now. It is not a good sign when a cover band thinks you're not a legitimate president. –Conan O’Brien

"The director of 'Zero Dark Thirty' has come out against torture. And the director of 'Lincoln' has come out against going to the theater in 1865." –Conan O'Brien

"Mitt Romney lost in South Carolina. He's getting desperate. With the Florida primaries coming up, today Mitt Romney's campaign staff said the gloves are off. Or to use Romney's exact words, "Jeeves, be a good chap and remove my opera gloves.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Mitt Romney is going to release 2010 and 2011 tax returns. Not to be outdone, Newt Gingrich is going to release his 1988, 1994, and 2005 wedding vows." –Conan O'Brien

It’s rumored that Donald Trump’s transition team is paying seat fillers to attend his inauguration. Just a word of advice to the Trump seat-fillers: Make sure you get paid up front, OK? Get the cash. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's now lost moderates, whites without college degrees, women voters, and autocorrect (she says that so far he’s buying it!)

President Trump misspelled the word "country" in a tweet this morning.

Trump spelled it “countrty”. So if you're keeping track, he's now lost moderates,

whites without college degrees, women voters, and autocorrect. --Seth Meyers

A female zebra shark in Australia has shocked researchers by developing the ability to produce offspring asexually, after spending time away from her male partner. And she says that so far he’s buying it! –Seth Meyers

It’s rumored that Donald Trump’s transition team is paying seat fillers to attend his inauguration. Just a word of advice to the Trump seat-fillers: Make sure you get paid up front, OK? Get the cash. –Conan O’Brien

A Bruce Springsteen cover band is the latest musical act to drop out of performing at the inauguration. Yeah. That's right. That's the situation we're in right now. It is not a good sign when a cover band thinks you're not a legitimate president. –Conan O’Brien

The director of 'Zero Dark Thirty' has come out against torture. And the director of 'Lincoln' has come out against going to the theater in 1865. –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry 

 

The man is being called lazy, irresponsible, and three years ahead of his time (Mama Bear for Oligarchs)

January 2013

"The director of 'Zero Dark Thirty' has come out against torture. And the director of 'Lincoln' has come out against going to the theater in 1865." –Conan O'Brien

"It's reported that if you're playing Angry Birds, the company is tracking your location. This may seem silly to you, but it's actually how we got bin Laden." –Conan O'Brien

"An American worker was arrested for paying someone in China to do his job for him. The man is being called lazy, irresponsible, and three years ahead of his time." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or as Lincoln put it, 'I would have preferred a different ENDING.' (this wouldn't have happened if those fish had guns)

January 2013

"On Sunday the White House will hold a private swearing-in ceremony for President Obama. Not to be outdone, on Sunday Republicans will hold a private swearing-at ceremony for President Obama." –Jimmy Fallon

"The beginning of the movie 'Lincoln' has been slightly changed to explain the Civil War to foreign audiences. Or as Lincoln put it, 'I would have preferred a different ENDING.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this wouldn't have happened if those fish had guns." –Jay Leno

"Ann Romney, the wife of Mitt Romney, has reportedly turned down a chance to appear on 'Dancing With the Stars.' Apparently, she has something called 'self-respect. Actually, she says she loves to dance and is a big fan of the show, but she said she'd rather stay home with the Biggest Loser." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I believe that celebration is called 'Cinco de Career-o.' (one step ahead of thoughts and prayers)

January 2013

"The mayor of Los Angeles, Antonio Villaraigosa, was seen partying in Mexico with Charlie Sheen. I believe that celebration is called 'Cinco de Career-o.'" –Jay Leno

"The mayor is denying it. He said he only saw Charlie for a minute, but Charlie said he and the mayor had a wild time in Mexico partying with a number of hot women. Who are you going to believe — a party boy who has never done anything in his life or Charlie Sheen?" –Jay Leno 

"Today was a big day in Hollywood. The Oscar nominations were announced. 'Lincoln' leads the list with 12 nominations. This is a first – not the most nominations, but the first time Hollywood has ever voted for a Republican president. That is amazing." –Jay Leno

"The White House announced today that the theme for President Obama's second inauguration will be 'Faith in America's Future.' The idea is to get our minds off of America's present." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What America Has Learned Since Covid (There is a sign of the apocalypse)

December 2012

"According to the Mayan calendar, Friday is the end of the world. You know what? There is a sign of the apocalypse. The New York Knicks are in first place." –David Letterman

"Even with the apocalypse there is always something good. There's always a silver lining. For example, The Mayan apocalypse will put an end to those commercials where a crazy lady talks to strangers about her colon." –David Letterman

"I went to see 'Lincoln,' and I think it's a precise historical document. I was flabbergasted to realize that President Lincoln's wife, Mary Todd Lincoln, wore pantsuits." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She asked that exact same question when she interviewed William Howard Taft (1% Republican)

December 2012

"The Golden Globe nominations were announced yesterday morning, and 'Lincoln' got seven nominations. Finally, a Republican who might win something." –Jay Leno

"On Wednesday night, Barbara Walters asked Governor Chris Christie if he was too fat to be president. A lot of people are criticizing Barbara for asking that question. But in fairness, Barbara asked that exact same question when she interviewed William Howard Taft." –Jay Leno

"Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said a failure to reach a deal for the fiscal cliff will hurt the recovery. The good news is most Americans will not be affected by this because they had no idea there WAS a recovery." –Jay Leno

"The U.S. Census Bureau says that by the year 2043, white people will be in the minority in the United States. By that time, the country will be 15 percent black, 31 percent Hispanic, and 1 percent Republican." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This one involves keeping Chris Christie away from his microwave

"Next year's Super Bowl is already in the news. It takes place in New Jersey. The NFL says it wants to prevent another blackout. This one involves keeping Chris Christie away from his microwave." –Conan O'Brien



"A member of Congress is criticizing Steven Spielberg after he discovered parts of the movie 'Lincoln' are historically inaccurate — particularly the scene where Lincoln dies in the mouth of a great white shark." –Conan O'Brien



"In the last two months Fox News has fired Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, and Dick Morris, well-known political pundit. Well, great. Two more jobs lost under Obama." –David Letterman

She'd rather stay home with the Biggest Loser

"Thousands of dead fish have now washed up on shore along the coast of South Carolina. Today the NRA said that this wouldn't have happened if those fish had guns." –Jay Leno



"Ann Romney, the wife of Mitt Romney, has reportedly turned down a chance to appear on 'Dancing With the Stars.' Apparently, she has something called 'self-respect. Actually, she says she loves to dance and is a big fan of the show, but she said she'd rather stay home with the Biggest Loser." –Jay Leno



"The director of 'Zero Dark Thirty' has come out against torture. And the director of 'Lincoln' has come out against going to the theater in 1865." –Conan O'Brien



It is really starting to look bad for Mitt Romney

"The 2013 Oscar nominations were announced today. 'Lincoln' earned the most nominations of any movie. 12 nominations for 'Lincoln.' I have a feeling that if he were alive today, Lincoln would say, 'What is a movie?'" –Jimmy Fallon 

"A new survey found that 77 percent of Americans think politicians do serious harm to the country. Politicians are like, 'Cool, at least they think we do something.'" –Jimmy Fallon 

"Ten days from now Barack Obama will be inaugurated. I'm telling you, it is really starting to look bad for Mitt Romney." –David Letterman 



Guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays

"The Consumer Electronics Show is happening in Las Vegas and the most amazing gadgets are being talked about. One of the gadgets this year is a fork that tells you when you're eating too fast. In a related story today, Chris Christie was spotted yelling at his fork to mind its own business." –Conan O'Brien 

"Nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays." –Stephen Colbert on putting armed guards in schools

"Abraham Lincoln, our 16th president, has never been hotter. 'Lincoln' received 12 Oscar nominations. 'Lincoln' also received a nomination for best hat." –David Letterman