I just put my hand over my heart (78.3 years)

"Newt Gingrich explained why he fooled around on his first two wives by saying he loved this country so much that it led him to cheating. He was so passionate about it he had to take his pants off. When I hear the National Anthem I just put my hand over my heart." –Jay Leno

"Life expectancy in the U.S. has risen to a new record of 78.2 years. The bad news is, the average age a person has to work before they can retire is now 78.3 years." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

 

Well, I can solve that problem (I have $3)

According to a new book, when in college, Bernie Sanders built his own super orgasm machine. The evidence, his hair. It makes sense. —Greg Gutfeld

The oldest New York City resident has died at the age of 113. Her last words, "Get out of my room, Mr. Cuomo.” —Greg Gutfeld

According to the CDC, a US life expectancy hit an all-time high in 2024. "Well, I can solve that problem," said Anthony Fauci. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When I hear the National Anthem I just put my hand over my heart (This makes Charlie Sheen our most decorated veteran)

"Newt Gingrich explained why he fooled around on his first two

wives by saying he loved this country so much that it led him to

cheating. He was so passionate about it he had to take his pants

off. When I hear the National Anthem I just put my hand over my

heart." –Jay Leno

"Life expectancy in the U.S. has risen to a new record of 78.2 years.

The bad news is, the average age a person has to work to before

they can retire is now 78.3 years." –Jay Leno

"Forty years since the War on Drugs began. This makes Charlie

Sheen our most decorated veteran." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's enough to make you sick, but you can't afford it (It's because there's no after-party at Diddy’s)

And, of course, LA, for obvious reasons, it's gonna have to be a little more sober of an Oscar ceremony. Not because of the fires. It's because there's no after-party at Diddy’s. —Bill Maher

With our government, everything is broken. It's hard to even name an issue the government is involved with that isn't broken. We have the most expensive healthcare system in the world, spending far more per person than any other country, with far worse results. Life expectancy, 49th in the world. Infant mortality, 54th. More people here live with multiple chronic conditions than any other rich country. It's enough to make you sick, but you can't afford it. —Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

See? We ARE athletes ($598 million)

The American Medical Association says that cheerleading should be classified as a sport because of the skill and training that goes into it. Then LeBron's teammates said, “See? We ARE athletes.”--Jimmy Fallon

A new report just came out that says President Trump made $598 million in income last year. It sounds like a lot, but after taxes ... it was still $598 million. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Good luck figuring out where these are supposed to go (Not most. Every single one.)

This week Baltimore’s Francis Scott Key Bridge collapsed after it was struck by a cargo ship that was carrying — you won’t believe it — Boeing airplanes. —Colin Jost

The CEO of Boeing announced he is stepping down in the wake of the company’s ongoing safety issues, and on his way out, he held up a bunch of nuts and bolts and said, ‘Good luck figuring out where these are supposed to go.’ —Colin Jost

Fans of the Huy Fong Hot Sauce are complaining the condiment is not as hot as it used to be. And yet everyone gets upset when I make the same complaint about the cast of Stranger Things. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

His ex-wives now are starting to outnumber his supporters (Somebody wants to get his nose booped)

"Life expectancy in the U.S. has risen to a new record of 78.2 years. The bad news is, the average age a person has to work before they can retire is now 78.3 years." –Jay Leno

"The Secret Service has withdrawn its protection of Newt Gingrich in advance of him formally announcing the suspension of his campaign. His Secret Service protection was costing us $44,000 a day. I guess they figured it wasn't worth it anymore to protect Newt from all the people trying to ignore him." –Jay Leno

"More and more Republicans are calling on Newt Gingrich to drop out of the campaign. Well, I don't want to say things look bad for Newt, but his ex-wives now are starting to outnumber his supporters." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In a relationship, a man must be flexible (brand new subatomic particles)

"Tea Party candidate Michele Bachmann said the Revolutionary War started in New Hampshire when it really started in Massachusetts. Interesting that a woman who believes so strongly in states rights can't get her states right." –Jay Leno

"This is kind of disturbing. The Justice Department has concluded that the president can order drone strikes on American citizens. And today, Rush Limbaugh came out in favor of Obamacare." –Jay Leno

"Scientists announced that they have detected a brand new subatomic particle. This particle is so tiny, it's actually smaller than the income tax rate paid by Mitt Romney." –Jay Leno

"Life expectancy in the U.S. has risen to a new record of 78.2 years. The bad news is, the average age a person has to work to before they can retire is now 78.3 years." –Jay Leno

"The Broncos in the Super Bowl couldn't move the ball. The last time I saw a Bronco going that slow, OJ was driving it through L.A." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It can buy you 100 senators and 435 congressmen (And this explains the entirety of Fox News)

"Al-Qaida has now launched a woman's magazine that will have everything from fashion to terror advice. Unfortunately, women are not allowed to read it." –Jay Leno

"Today is the Ides of March, the day on which in 44 B.C. Julius Caesar was stabbed to death by 60 Roman Senators. That could never happen today. We can't get 60 Senators to agree on anything." –Jay Leno

"Life expectancy in the U.S. has risen to a new record of 78.2 years. The bad news is, the average age a person has to work before they can retire is now 78.3 years." –Jay Leno

"You know, the interesting thing is, these numbers are so big that people can't even comprehend them. Like $700 billion. See, the best way to understand large amounts of money is to think of it in terms of what it can buy. For example, you know what $700 billion buys? It can buy you 100 senators and 435 congressmen." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. 

Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s 

Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Unfortunately, women are not allowed to read it (Republican Logic)

"The situation is deteriorating in Libya and Japan and the stock market is collapsing worldwide. President Obama finally took decisive action. He named Duke, Kansas, Ohio State and Pittsburgh as his Final Four." –Jay Leno

"Surprisingly, March Madness is not that big in the Middle East. Because they have April Madness, May Madness, June Madness, and more." –Jay Leno 

"Al-Qaida has now launched a woman's magazine that will have everything from fashion to terror advice. Unfortunately, women are not allowed to read it." –Jay Leno

"Today is the Ides of March, the day on which in 44 B.C. Julius Caesar was stabbed to death by 60 Roman Senators. That could never happen today. We can't get 60 Senators to agree on anything." –Jay Leno

"Life expectancy in the U.S. has risen to a new record of 78.2 years. The bad news is, the average age a person has to work to before they can retire is now 78.3 years." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”