The only person I would trust less with this technology is Anthony Weiner (counting/sarcasm)

The bad news is, starting Jan. 20, Donald Trump can send unlockable mass text messages to the entire nation. Yes, President Trump will be able to send text messages to every phone in the nation. The only person I would trust less with this technology is Anthony Weiner. –Stephen Colbert

"Folks, I'm no fan of 'Sesame Street.' They expose our children to dangerous liberal ideas like befriending the homeless, two men sleeping in the same bedroom and counting." –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The restaurant has no plans to expand to the United States (I didn’t know she gave speeches)

A restaurant in China forces customers to solve complex math problems before they can order their meal. The restaurant has no plans to expand to the United States. –Conan O’Brien

According to Forbes magazine, in the past year Taylor Swift has earned $170 million. When she heard that, Hillary Clinton said, "I didn’t know she gave speeches." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Besides, you're saying it wrong. (This is no way for the assistant commander of the Space Force to behave)

"At the St. Louis Zoo, Newt Gingrich got too close to one of the animals and was bit on the hand by a penguin. If you're named after a lizard, you have to assume birds are going to try to eat you." –Jimmy Kimmel

Tax Day normally falls on April 15 traditionally, but they moved it this year because the 15th was a Saturday, and I think it’s illegal to make people do math on Saturdays. –Jimmy Kimmel

“Meanwhile, vice president Pence seems to be learning some Trumpy new tricks about self-promotion. Mike Pence’s office is refusing to let White House health experts appear on CNN unless the network promised to air the vice-president’s non-expert comments. I don’t know how we explain this to Mike Pence, but he isn’t Batman. He’s Robin. Nobody cares about Robin. In the last 30 years they made nine Batman movies, Robin only got to be in two of them. So calm down, boy wonder. This is no way for the assistant commander of the Space Force to behave.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I get obliterated every night (the color of our oppression)

President Trump has given orders to obliterate Iran if the regime assassinates him. Big deal, I get obliterated every night said Kamala Harris. —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump’s next executive action might be to get rid of the Department of Education. No wonder the Democrats are panicking like Jerry Nadler just used their only bathroom. Since the Education Department's inception, reading and math scores have been dropping faster than Bill Cosby's dates after their first cocktail. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Y'all can't even push AOC left (I can't do math either)

The UK said it would not recognize President Trump's name change from the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America. Trump replied, Great UK, from now on we’ll call you FUK. —Greg Gutfeld

Philadelphia mayor Cheryl Parker is being mocked by sports fans for her inability to spell the word Eagles. When asked to spell the 76ers she said, I can't do math either. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He leaves a wife, two kids, and six Squirtles (it seems a bit pricey)

A man in Oregon got stabbed while playing Pokémon Go and refused medical treatment in order to keep playing. He leaves a wife, two kids, and six Squirtles. –Conan O’Brien

A restaurant in China forces customers to solve complex math problems before they can order their meal. The restaurant has no plans to expand to the United States. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The restaurant has no plans to expand to the United States (he’s looking for someone with experience in areas he doesn’t have)

A restaurant in China forces customers to solve complex math problems before they can order their meal. The restaurant has no plans to expand to the United States. –Conan O’Brien

"The U.S. government has issued a warning to builders not to use Chinese drywall because they say it's defective. The Chinese government denied this and said, 'Hey, if there's one thing we know how to build, it's a wall.'" --Conan O'Brien

For his running mate, Donald Trump says he’s looking for someone with experience in areas he doesn’t have. So right now Trump is looking for someone who can run a profitable casino. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

He is not going to raise taxes on the entire 1 percent, just Donald Trump (OK, lift on three)

"Exit polls show that President Obama did well with women, beating Romney by 11 binders." –Jay Leno

"Some more good news – President Obama announced today he is not going to raise taxes on the entire 1 percent, just Donald Trump." –Jay Leno

"It turns out Governor Palin is a lifelong member of the NRA and a life-time hunter. Another vice president who's a hunter. What could go wrong there?" --Jay Leno

"Syrian President Assad says he is turning over his chemical weapons because Russia asked him to, 'not because of the U.S. threatening to bomb him.' Yeah, and Osama bin Laden is at the bottom of the ocean right now because he enjoys scuba diving." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Look, the pinata is singing (yeah, that's our entire plan)

"In the midterm elections, a 102-year-old woman voted for the first time in a U.S. election. Unfortunately, she voted for Woodrow Wilson." –Conan O'Brien

"This week, footage surfaced of Senator Ted Kennedy singing in Spanish to a Latino group. Yeah, there was an awkward moment when someone in the crowd pointed at Kennedy's head and said, 'Look, the pinata is singing.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush said that when it comes to hurricane preparedness, step number one is to, quote, 'pray that there's no hurricanes.' Later President Bush admitted, yeah, that's our entire plan." --Conan O'Brien

"In Montana, a math teacher is running for the Senate. Win or lose, she plans on demanding a recount because math is fun." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I guess they also banned dictionaries because that’s not what transparent means (For some reason, they suck at math)

“The state of Florida announced a ban on a number of proposed math textbooks for students because of their references to critical race theory or other ‘prohibited topics.’ This official censorship isn’t just affecting history class, because this weekend we learned that Florida rejected 41 percent of new math textbooks. At least they think it’s 41 percent. For some reason, they suck at math.” —Stephen Colbert

“Well, the Florida Education Department explained that reasons for rejecting textbooks included references to critical race theory, which the Florida legislature says includes theories that distort historical events. That explains the updated unit on division: ‘A house divided against itself, hey — that’s two houses. Nice.’” —Stephen Colbert

“If you don’t know what critical race theory is, don’t worry, neither does Governor Ron DeSantis, don’t worry. Thanks to his important work, Florida has rejected more than 50 math books after the team uncovered sentence problems like, ‘Jamal has seven apples.’ They felt Jamal sounded suspicious. And where did he get the apples? Does he have a receipt for them?” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The midterms are seven months away and culture wars are raging especially in Florida. Florida, or as we refer to it as America’s mullet. The state rejected 41% of new math textbooks for containing what they claim to be Critical Race Theory language or at least they think it’s 41%, for some reason they suck at math.” —Stephen Colbert

“There is a refusal to provide any examples but the process is being described as transparent. I guess they also banned dictionaries because that’s not what transparent means.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”