she should have been worried about them voting (Oh, wait)

Then again, why wouldn’t Ted Cruz win in Texas? Because at the end of the day, real cowboys only love three things. Barbecue, rodeo, and Canadians who went to Princeton and Harvard. --Stephen Colbert

In Mitch McConnell’s home state of Kentucky, anti-gay marriage county clerk Kim Davis lost her re-election. All this time she was worried about gay people getting married, when she should have been worried about them voting. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But there's one billionaire oilman who still supports Donald Trump —Diddy (Princeton Study)

FBI Director Kash Patel announced that the agency is launching an investigation into anti-Musk vandalism at Tesla dealerships, calling the acts "domestic terrorism,” which is a federal crime punishable by a full pardon. —Michael Che

An anonymous survey of oil executives reveals that many of them think President Trump’s "Drill, baby, drill" message is a myth and his tariffs are a disaster. But there's one billionaire oilman who still supports Donald Trump —Diddy. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I get obliterated every night (the color of our oppression)

President Trump has given orders to obliterate Iran if the regime assassinates him. Big deal, I get obliterated every night said Kamala Harris. —Greg Gutfeld

President Trump’s next executive action might be to get rid of the Department of Education. No wonder the Democrats are panicking like Jerry Nadler just used their only bathroom. Since the Education Department's inception, reading and math scores have been dropping faster than Bill Cosby's dates after their first cocktail. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Great. Now aliens are going to think we're poor (near-zero impact)

It was reported that Chinese hackers have infiltrated AT&T and Verizon to spy on American customers, which has got to be the first time anyone's ever said thank God I have Sprint. —Colin Jost

Scientists in Japan have launched the first ever satellite made out of wood. Great. Now aliens are going to think we're poor. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

What’s the difference between Lindsey Graham and a book? (a side of ranch and a bag of croutons)

Perhaps unsurprisingly, women are voting early at higher rates than men. Women are getting out there and getting it done! Of course, men plan to vote at 6.45 on election night and show up with a gift they obviously bought at the gas station. —Stephen Colbert

“What’s the difference between Lindsey Graham and a book? Books have spines.” —Stephen Colbert 

“So right off the bat, we got the lay of the land — another manicured platform for Kamala Harris to blurt out her now legendary word salads. I mean, this woman ought to come to every event with a side of ranch and a bag of croutons.” — Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The only place she did very well was among pollsters (near-zero impact)

I had the weirdest, weirdest dream last night. Remember that guy who used to host “The Apprentice”? I dreamed we elected him president. –Jimmy Kimmel

Hillary Clinton underperformed among women, African-Americans, Hispanics, and young voters. Really the only place she did very well was among pollsters. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I think he got this from having the same third grade teacher year after year (near-zero impact)

 

As I mentioned earlier this week, in Hawaii, the price of gas is over $4 a gallon. Man. Once again, I think President Bush is a little confused. When he heard about this he said, "You know, I'm more concerned about the price of gasoline here in America." --Jay Leno

"George W. Bush does not like change in his personnel. He likes to keep the same people. I think he got this from having the same third grade teacher year after year." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But all they do is plug your Tesla into the hot dog roller (Kiss me, I'm indicted)

March 2023

“Yeah, everyone's talking about this — following the recent bank crashes, President Biden has asked Congress for more authority to punish bank executives. Then Bernie Sanders picked up some brass knuckles and said, — [As Sanders] ‘Or I can just handle it myself.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Some more big news -- I read that law enforcement agencies are preparing for the possibility that, as early as next week, former President Trump could be indicted. Which is why Trump is currently packing for spring break in Switzerland.” —Jimmy Fallon

“I think even Trump knows it's coming because today he was walking around in a green shirt that said, ‘Kiss me, I'm indicted.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Well, guys, March Madness is in full swing and one of the big upsets, so far, was 15 seed Princeton knocking off number 2 Arizona. Everyone in Princeton was acting pretty cocky and that was even before the game started.” —Jimmy Fallon

“You guys, get this -- 7-Eleven just announced that they are launching a huge new electric vehicle charging network. It's perfect if you've ever been at 7-Eleven and thought, ‘I want to stay here for 60 minutes.’ It sounds high-tech, but all they do is plug your Tesla into the hot dog roller.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He had to slam his gavel twice before boredom was restored (meaning if you want an abortion, you'd better hop to it)

 

"In a 58-42 vote on Tuesday, the Senate confirmed Samuel Alito as the nation's next Supreme Court Justice, meaning if you want an abortion, you'd better hop to it." --Tina Fey

"During Sen. Graham's apology, Martha-Ann Bomgardner, Alito's wife, was so overcome with emotion she broke down in tears and left the hearing. To get an abortion." --Tina Fey

"Fox News Channel has launched a contest called 'Bloviate with Bill,' in which six viewers will be flown to New York and given the chance to fend off O'Reilly's unwanted sexual advances." --Tina Fey

 

"During the Senate confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee Samuel Alito, tempers boiled when Sen. Ted Kennedy threatened to subpoena records of the controversial group Concerned Alumni of Princeton, and chairman Arlen Specter had to slam his gavel twice before boredom was restored. " --Tina Fey

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

real cowboys only love three things (Grand Imperial Vote Depressor)

Then again, why wouldn’t Ted Cruz win in Texas? Because at the end of the day, real cowboys only love three things. Barbecue, rodeo, and Canadians who went to Princeton and Harvard. --Stephen Colbert

In Mitch McConnell’s home state of Kentucky, anti-gay marriage county clerk Kim Davis lost her re-election. All this time she was worried about gay people getting married, when she should have been worried about them voting. --Stephen Colbert

And in Kansas, a big win for democrats as Lara Kelly has defeated Grand Imperial Vote Depressor Kris Kobach. Kobach, you may remember, is the guy who Trump put in charge of finding those three million illegal voters. So good news Kris. You’ll have plenty of time to look for them now. --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

where did I leave that baby? (Torso Jones)

"As I watched Sarah Palin’s press conference, I realized finally we have a candidate for the people who loved George Bush's certainty but were bothered by his rationality and executive experience." --Jon Stewart, on Sarah Palin's resignation

"Sonia Sotomayor in the news. She's testifying in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee. And she has said that she 'felt out of place attending Princeton.' Sotomayor says there were so many white males in Princeton, she felt like she was testifying in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee." --Conan O'Brien

"Nine survivors of shark attacks recently went to Washington, D.C., to press the Senate to put new restrictions on shark fishing. The Senate met with the leader of the group, Torso Jones." --Conan O'Brien

"This is weird. In a recent interview, Levi Johnston said that Sarah Palin could never handle the responsibility of being president. Then he said, 'Oh, hell, where did I leave that baby?'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”   

Lawrence of Arythmia/The Oilamo/Giant Pile Of Jack Abramoff's Money

"Vice President Cheney is on an extended tour of the Middle East. They love him over there. They call him Lawrence of Arythmia." --David Letterman

"The Republican Party is still dealing with the fallout from the Jack Abramoff corruption scandal. The latest victim: Ohio Congressman and Three-Time World Comb-Over Champion Bob Ney. Ney stepped down from his position as House Administration Committee chairman this week while he's under investigation. That chairmanship goes to the next highest ranking Republican on the committee, Representative Giant Pile Of Jack Abramoff's Money." --Jon Stewart

"During the Senate confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee  Samuel Alito, tempers boiled when  Sen. Ted Kennedy threatened to subpoena records of the controversial group Concerned Alumni of Princeton, and chairman Arlen Specter had to slam his gavel twice before boredom was restored. " --Tina Fey