all the other sex addicts thought Weinstein was too creepy (nine women are suing him)

While accepting the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, Eddie Murphy did a Bill Cosby impression. Murphy’s Cosby impression was so accurate, nine women are suing him. –Conan O’Brien

Harvey Weinstein just finished a week-long stay at a rehab clinic for sex addiction. Apparently he would’ve have stayed longer, but all the other sex addicts thought Weinstein was too creepy. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He has asked for privacy and also the Wi-Fi password (Hey, this is MUCH better!)

Governor Chris Christie said in an interview yesterday that New Jersey would not accept Syrian refugees. Which is too bad, because Syrian refugees would be the first people ever to arrive in New Jersey and say, “Hey, this is MUCH better!” –Seth Meyers

Former Congressman Anthony Weiner has reportedly checked into rehab for sex addiction after his numerous sexting scandals. Weiner has asked for privacy and also the Wi-Fi password. –Seth Meyers

After past accusations of racism, attorney general nominee Senator Jeff Sessions said today, “I abhor the Klan and its hateful ideology.” Though he refused to answer the follow-up question, “Ku Klux or Wu Tang?” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Can you call in horny? (Do you feel what I feel?)

"I love this story. I saw it in the paper today. Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer will explore whether he has an addiction to sex. Oh, shut up. Is sex really an addiction? Is it a disease? Do you think it's a disease? Huh? I mean, I've heard people call into work sick. Can you call in horny?" --Jay Leno

"A group of TSA workers at LAX airport have formed a choir to sing to passengers. That's just what you want, a guy with his hands down your pants going, 'Do you feel what I feel?'" –Jay Leno

"John McCain and Sarah Palin attended a campaign rally in Vienna, Ohio, today. They were in Vienna. Apparently, they went to Vienna so Sarah Palin could get some foreign policy experience." --Jay Leno

 

"Doctors in Israel are now slowly drawing Prime Minister Ariel Sharon out of his coma to see what his remaining brain function is. Political experts say it is unlikely someone could run a country with a severe loss of brain activity. I beg to differ." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He bowled sober. See, you never do that. (What can I get for an extra $50?)

"According to a new study by the University of British Columbia and Harvard, money can buy happiness, but only if you spend the money on someone else. To which former Governor Eliot Spitzer said, 'See.'" --Jay Leno

 

"According to the New York Post, Eliot Spitzer has entered therapy for his sex addiction. He has sex addiction. He's not horny, a sex addiction. See, I don't know if it's gonna work. When the therapist told him it was 300 bucks an hour, he said, 'What can I get for an extra $50?'" --Jay Leno

"But, see, I tell you - you know what's interesting? He's not a bowler, obviously. And Barack Obama made the typical mistake a lot of rookie bowlers make. He bowled sober. See, you never do that." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wonder Bread sandwiches/hanging out with Michael Jackson/Can you call in horny?

"Have you seen New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson? He supported Barack. He's now got a mustache and a goatee. Analysts say he's trying to look more Hispanic, more ethnic. They say that's one of the reasons that Obama joined the Trinity Church with the radical minister, tried to appear more black. See, white politicians can't do that. You can't try to be more white, you know. You don't see white politicians listening to Lawrence Welk, square dancing, eating Wonder Bread sandwiches, you know, hanging out with Michael Jackson, trying to be more white." --Jay Leno 

"I love this story. I saw it in the paper today. Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer will explore whether he has an addiction to sex. Oh, shut up. Is sex really an addiction? Is it a disease? Do you think it's a disease? Huh? I mean, I've heard people call into work sick. Can you call in horny?" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

They got a hold of John McCain's Social Security number (It's Three)

"And now the New York Post says that Eliot Spitzer is in therapy for sex addiction. I'm not sure he really understands the process. Today, he requested an analyst with really big t*ts." --Bill Maher

"Yesterday, kids all over America spent the day looking for Easter eggs. And today, their parents are in New York at Bear Stearns trying to find their nest eggs." --Jay Leno

"In more serious news, big controversy last week after State Department officials looked at passport files of all three major candidates. Turns out, they got a hold of John McCain's Social Security number. Got his social security number. You know what it is? Three." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Playgirl magazine/Client Number 11/his sex therapist has a fantastic rack

"Have you heard about this? Playgirl magazine made an offer to Eliot Spitzer to appear naked in the magazine. Isn't that unbelievable? I tell you, you know who really wants to see that spread? Former New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey." --Jay Leno

"In Tibet, the rumor is the Dalai Lama might be stepping down. Yeah, it turns out he was Client Number 11." --Jay Leno

"A new CNN poll just came out about the campaign. Interesting results. A new study shows that wine drinkers prefer Hillary Clinton to the other candidates. Yeah, after hearing this, Bill Clinton asked, 'How much wine have they had?'" --Conan O'Brien

"I guess this is good news. Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer has reportedly entered therapy for a sex addiction. Spitzer said his therapy is going well, and that his therapist has a fantastic rack." --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

What can I get for an extra $50? (Dog, it's just not working for me)

"Anyway, critics are pouring over Osama bin Laden's latest audio tape. Simon called it pretentious. Paula said it was not his best work. And Randy said, 'Dog, it's just not working for me.'" --Jay Leno

"According to a new study by the University of British Columbia and Harvard, money can buy happiness, but only if you spend the money on someone else. To which former Governor Eliot Spitzer said, 'See.'" --Jay Leno

"According to the New York Post, Eliot Spitzer has entered therapy for his sex addiction. He has sex addiction. He's not horny, a sex addiction. See, I don't know if it's gonna work. When the therapist told him it was 300 bucks an hour, he said, 'What can I get for an extra $50?'" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

the KKK’S official newspaper endorsed Donald Trump yesterday (Wi-Fi password)

Former Congressman Anthony Weiner has reportedly checked into rehab for sex addiction after his numerous sexting scandals. Weiner has asked for privacy and also the Wi-Fi password. –Seth Meyers

After the KKK’S official newspaper endorsed Donald Trump yesterday, the campaign released a response calling the paper “repulsive, also their crossword puzzle is way too easy.” [shows crossword with letter “K” in every square] –Seth Meyers

A recent study found that always letting children win games in competitions could damage their ability to learn. Which is scary, because [shows picture of pouting Trump] we’re six days away from letting the biggest child win the biggest game. –Seth Meyers

Kwanzaa only exists because a guy named Kwan died for our sins (Uh oh)

"This sounds like a tabloid story “but according to the Washington Post, former President Bill Clinton has received counseling for sex addiction. I don't think it went too well. Halfway through the first session he talked to his therapist out of her bra and panties. Actually, you know what would cure Bill of his sex addiction? Hillary!" --Jay Leno

"Big changes in Washington. Earlier today, new Secretary of Defense Robert Gates flew to Iraq to get a first-hand look of the situation over there. After surveying the situation, Gates was quoted as saying, 'Uh oh.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday, President Bush delivered his annual Kwanzaa message. The president said let's remember that Kwanzaa only exists because a guy named Kwan died for our sins." --Conan O'Brien

Gates was quoted as saying, 'Uh oh.'

"When the president gave an interview with the Washington Post earlier this week, this audio exchange came as a bit of surprise. [On screen: Bush: We're not winning and we're not losing]. Technically, the president is correct. We're not winning or losing because Iraq is in a Civil War. We can't win or lose that. It has nothing to do with us!" --Jon Stewart

"This sounds like a tabloid story “but according to the Washington Post, former President Bill Clinton has received counseling for sex addiction. I don't think it went too well. Halfway through the first session he talked to his therapist out of a bra and panties. Actually, you know what would cure Bill of his sex addiction? Hillary!" --Jay Leno

"Big changes in Washington. Earlier today, new Secretary of Defense Robert Gates flew to Iraq to get a first-hand look of the situation over there. After surveying the situation, Gates was quoted as saying, 'Uh oh.'" --Conan O'Brien