gays would not be allowed to marry unless one of the parties was Liza Minnelli (Bush=0)

"President Bush calling for a constitutional amendment against gay marriage. He says he wants to put both Al Qaeda and IKEA out of business. Apparently, it's a pretty strict ruling, too. Under this constitutional amendment, gays would not be allowed to marry unless one of the parties was Liza Minnelli." --Jay Leno

On Bush supporting a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage in the 2004 election: "Ah, a constitutional process to ban gay marriage. And yet that was the only time he mentioned it until now. It's as though marriage in our country is only threatened during even numbered years. It's the cultural version of raising the terror alert. All I can say is, as election day gets closer, I would not be surprised to see a large suicide c*ck threatening Manhattan." --Jon Stewart

George Bush, "America is a free society, which limits the role of government in the lives of our citizens. In this country, people are free to choose how they live their lives." Jon Stewart: "And that's why I want to ban gay people from getting married."