I say their silence speaks volumes (MC's baby was sleeping in the next room)

"One of the key battlegrounds in our gay culture war is actually key battlegrounds. I'm talking about gays in the military. The 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell' policy has thrown our armed forces into chaos in the middle of a war on terror. 

We cannot waiver on this issue, folks, and thank God none of the Republicans did in their recent presidential debate [on screen: none of the GOP WH '08ers raising their hand when asked if gays and lesbians should be allowed to serve openly in the military]. 

I say their silence speaks volumes. Plus, they kind of had to keep it down because Mary Cheney's baby was sleeping in the next room." --Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report

A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-

collected-poems-1985-2015.html

the strange witless grin on his face

"Dick Cheney's lesbian daughter, Mary, and her partner, Heather Poe, announced they are going to have a baby. After hearing this, President Bush pointed to Heather and said, 'Wait, she's not a dude' and then went back to reading Harry Potter." --Conan O'Brien

"According to a new study, children figure out the truth about Santa Claus between the ages of three and six. Although the study says that the age is much later for some U.S. presidents." --Conan O'Brien

"NASA's planning to return to the moon. NASA says that when we go back this time we're going to have a permanent base, and by 2027 astronauts will be living on the moon year round. Here's the thing. NASA gave no cost estimate or design details. That's right, a giant project with no blueprint, no budget perimeters and no timetable. Which means there is only one person who could make this thing work -- Donald Rumsfeld. NASA, snap him up. His resume's already been on Monster.com for two weeks." --Stephen Colbert 

Harry Potter and the Iraq Study Group

"Hillary Clinton's making calls, hiring staff and getting ready to travel to Iowa to launch her campaign. She'll be on the road nonstop for the next two years. How is Bill going to manage stuck home all alone? He's going to be heartbroken." --Jay Leno

"Vice President Dick Cheney has a gay daughter, Mary. Well, she's pregnant. Wow, that's going to be a shotgun wedding. Apparently, it all began with a romantic evening at home, watching a DVD of 'Xena: Warrior Princess.'" --Jay Leno

"I don't think President Bush understands these things. When they told President Bush that Dick Cheney's gay daughter was pregnant, he said, 'It's a Christmas miracle.'" --Jay Leno

"The Iraq Study Group report came out today and was released as a book this morning. And after only a few hours, it soared to number 18 on Amazon's best seller list. They even got President Bush to buy a copy because they called it 'Harry Potter and the Iraq Study Group.'" --Conan O'Brien

Ann Coulter sperm donor (day that will live in the infirmary)

"Vice President Cheney's lesbian daughter, Mary, is pregnant. The big guessing game in Washington now is who donated the sperm? I'm guessing Ann Coulter." --Jay Leno

"Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has warned western leaders to 'follow the path of God or vanish from the face of the earth.' Experts say it is the most bone-chilling threat delivered from a four-foot tall man in a 'Members Only' jacket." --Conan O'Brien

"Today is December 7th, the 65th anniversary of Pearl Harbor. Or as President Bush refers to it, 'The day that will live in the infirmary.'" --Conan O'Brien

the tree was trying to distance itself from President Bush (morning after pill)

"The Christmas tree at the White House fell over. Actually, it didn't fall over. What happened was President Bush was standing next to it when a photographer walked in. I guess the tree was trying to distance himself from President Bush." --Jay Leno

“The long anticipated Iraq Study Group report was delivered to President Bush this week. He promised to take it just as seriously as all the other Iraq reports stuffed down between his desk and the wall.” --Amy Poehler

"You know the part of the Iraqi report that concerns President Bush the most? Having to read it." --Jay Leno

"Exciting news from the White House. Vice President Dick Cheney's daughter, Mary, who is a lesbian, is pregnant. I think President Bush is a little confused about the big news. He immediately called the Lebanese Ambassador to pass on his congratulations." --Jay Leno

Bush said Mary Cheney would make a fine mom and a darn good dad, too.

"Yesterday, President Bush delivered his annual Kwanzaa message. The president said let's remember that Kwanzaa only exists because a guy named Kwan died for our sins." --Conan O'Brien

"Time Magazine has named everyone their 'Person of the Year.' And somehow, Al Gore still came in second." --Jay Leno

"Well, big announcement today from Senator Hillary Clinton. She now says that she wouldn't have voted to authorize President Bush's attack on Iraq if she knew what she knows now. She wouldn't have married Bill if she knew what she knows now." --Jay Leno

"Well, President Bush said this week that Mary Cheney the lesbian daughter that's pregnant would make a fine mom and a darn good dad, too." --Jay Leno