Let's take this to the bedroom (We still have troops in Korea, OK?)

October 2013

"The Obama administration has now asked Verizon to help fix the Obamacare website. Verizon wasn't the president's first choice. He initially reached out to T-Mobile, but they dropped the call." –Jay Leno

"Consumer Reports is now recommending that people sit back and wait a few weeks until the government fixes the problems. Really, a few weeks? When was the last time the government fixed anything in a few weeks? We still have troops in Korea, OK?" –Jay Leno

"People have been speculating lately about what President Obama will do when he leaves office in 2016. The one thing I think we can safely rule out – website designer." –Jay Leno

"Some marketing experts are comparing the Obamacare website rollout to a Ford Edsel filled with New Coke. But they are making progress. They said today that if you find yourself getting too frustrated trying to log on, they've added a link to a suicide hot line." –Jay Leno 

"What the president should do is put the NSA in charge of the website. That way there's nothing to fill out. They already have all our information. You just put your name in." –Jay Leno

"Saudi Arabia is now threatening to sever diplomatic ties with the United States over Syria. I hope that doesn't cause them to do something drastic, you know, like overcharge us for oil." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The show won an Oscar for best portrayal of a Carnival Cruise (We're just going to stick with men named Kim)

February 2013

"Last night a toilet flooded the lobby where the Oscars show was being held. The show won an Oscar for best portrayal of a Carnival Cruise." –Conan O'Brien

"Big winner last night was 'Life of Pi,' a story of a young man who wakes up in a lifeboat with a hyena, zebra, orangutan, and tiger, which oddly enough, is also the plot of 'The Hangover 3.'" –Conan O'Brien

"South Korea's first female president was sworn in. Meanwhile, North Korea said, 'We're just going to stick with men named Kim.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sir, can you please just pay for your ice cream and go? (a real emergency: his poll numbers)

June 2011

"President Obama announced the beginning of withdrawal of troops from Afghanistan. He said last night, 'We can't stay there indefinitely.' You think our troops in Korea are going, 'HELLO, we've been here for 60 years.'" –Jay Leno

"A little information for the folks watching at home: Our entire studio audience tonight is all people who used to work for Newt Gingrich." –Jay Leno

"Today President Obama has released 30 million barrels of oil from the strategic petroleum reserve. He said it was in response to what he called a real emergency: his poll numbers." –Jay Leno

"According to reports, poor financial decisions with a Chicago brokerage firm cost Al-Qaida over $20 million in investments. Why are we risking the lives of our Navy SEALs? Send in Bernie Madoff. He will take care of these people. In five minutes they will be broke." –Jay Leno

"Al Gore publicly attacks President Obama for taking no bold action on global warming and not fighting hard enough to pass new legislation in Congress. Then the girl behind the counter said, 'Sir, can you please just pay for your ice cream and go?'" –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I just checked the weather. We have maybe a 10% chance of Apocalypse (Donald Trump without the charisma)

May 2011

"Merry Apocalypse Eve. This minister says the world is going to end. I just checked the weather. We have maybe a 10% chance of Apocalypse." –Jimmy Kimmel

"Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he's putting his career on hold to concentrate on personal matters. Either that or he's putting Korea on hold. It's hard to understand him. He told his talent agency to hold all his projects while he cleans up his personal mess. That's what happens when you impregnate your maid. There's no one to clean up messes for you." –Jimmy Kimmel

"If you don't know much about Newt Gingrich, he's like Donald Trump without the charisma." –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama said Hillary Clinton is approaching one million frequent flier miles in her job as Secretary of State. Though even that can't get her upgraded to the seat she really wants." –Jimmy Fallon 

"The head of the International Monetary Fund, arrested in New York for assaulting a hotel maid, has posted the one million dollars bail in cash. Well, there goes Nigeria's mosquito net money." –Jon Stewart

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I think Lou Dobbs' head is going to explode when he hears this (You know what fell out?)

"Hey, you hear about this? Very strange incident at JFK Airport in New York City today. An AIG executive going through security had to empty out all his pockets. You know what fell out? Senator Chris Dodd." --Jay Leno

"The market rallied yesterday after the Treasury said it was going to help banks sell off their toxic assets. That's the big problem, banks can't sell toxic assets. Well, duh. I mean, I'm no economist, but maybe you should stop calling them toxic assets. Huh? Isn't that like KFC advertising salmonella chicken?" --Jay Leno

"Hey, congratulations to Japan for winning the World Baseball Classic right here in Dodger Stadium. Yeah, they beat Korea 5-3, which is perfect. You have the Japanese playing the Koreans in a city full of Mexicans to determine who's best at America's pastime. I think Lou Dobbs' head is going to explode when he hears this." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back (disarming Cheney)

"Bush is committed to one thing, he's going to disarm Iran, he's going to disarm Korea, and he's going to disarm Cheney." --David Letterman

"You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down with Cheney, because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.'" –Craig Ferguson

"And at a speech earlier today in Sterling, Virginia, President Bush said the economy is going through a rough patch, but he's confident things will work out. Unless you own a home, own a car, have stock, or you're over 65." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Donna Brazile: The Vampire Killer! (Japan, my favorite part of China)

Trump was in Japan yesterday and plans to also visit Korea, China, Vietnam, and the Philippines — or as Trump calls them, China. “Japan, my favorite part of China.” –James Corden

During their meeting, President Trump and Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe exchanged signed baseball caps. And this is real: On the baseball caps it said “Donald & Shinzo Make Alliance Even Greater.” Which sounds like the title of an American buddy cop movie after they translate it into Japanese. –James Corden

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans