In the space where he had to state the reason for his divorce, he wrote ‘I am married to Marjorie Taylor Greene.’ (Cheers!)

September 2022

“Ginni Thomas, the wife of the supreme court justice Clarence Thomas, appeared before the January 6 committee this week to face questions for unhinged, conspiracy-laden texts sent to Trump’s chief of staff urging him to dispute the 2020 election results. I’m not legal expert, but I feel like if you’re the spouse of a sitting supreme court justice, you shouldn’t be texting anyone in the government about anything, let alone a coup. Thomas was not only texting Trump’s chief of staff, Mark Meadows, but also had direct communication with state lawmakers, pressuring them to overturn Biden’s victory. She was also texting some truly batshit conspiracy theories from the craziest corners of the internet, such as her belief that the ‘Biden crime family’ would be arrested and sent to live on barges off Gitmo. Here’s my question: why a barge off Gitmo instead of just Gitmo itself? Why a barge off the prison? Have they ever done that with any other criminal suspect ever?” —Seth Meyers

“We are celebrating a milestone from the New York Yankees star Aaron Judge. The outfielder hit his 61st home run of the season on Wednesday, tying the single-season American League record set by Roger Maris in 1961. The Yankees star has seven more games to break Maris’s milestone, though he’s unlikely to break the major league record of 73, set by Barry Bonds in 2001 under the cloud of doping. The difference though is that unlike Barry Bonds, Aaron Judge can still fit his head through the neckhole of his sweaters.” —Jimmy Kimmel 

“One of Trump’s most loyal Maga maggots, Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene and her husband of 27 years, Harry Greene, has filed for divorce. His original sentence was 30 years, but the judge shaved three years off for good behavior. In the space where he had to state the reason for his divorce, he wrote ‘I am married to Marjorie Taylor Greene.’” —Jimmy Kimmel 

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

You know, when the Republicans said, 'drill everywhere,' I had no idea. (growth package)

 

"Both the Republicans and the Democrats have competing growth packages. Let me tell you something, the only person with a growth package in this country that works -- Barry Bonds." --Jay Leno

"The government is scheduled to launch a mission to Pluto. Apparently this is President Bush's last chance to find those weapons of mass destruction." --Jay Leno

"Well, here's a great scandal. Federal investigators say that members of the Bush administration who were in charge of overseeing billions of dollars in oil royalties received gifts and had illicit sex with oil company employees. They actually had sex with the oil company employees. You know, when the Republicans said, 'drill everywhere,' I had no idea." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I had a rare opportunity to talk to the only guy in the country whose less popular than I am (You never really get used to it)

Now that the election is narrowing to a two-person race, Donald Trump said he will have to get used to Hillary Clinton’s shouting. After hearing this, Bill Clinton said, "You never really get used to it." –Conan O’Brien

"Senator John Kerry was heckled while giving a speech, and the heckler had to be subdued with a taser gun. When reached for comment, the man said being tasered in the chest was still better than sitting through an entire Kerry speech." --Conan O'Brien

Donald Trump now appears to be the likely Republican nominee. In a related story, Canada is getting ready for 45 million people to come crash on their couch. –Conan O’Brien

"Several Jewish groups are upset because President Bush issued Rosh Hashanah greetings over a week early. So they're saying that Bush doesn't know when Rosh Hashanah is. Bush says he'll make up the mistake by sending them all something nice for Christmas" --Conan O'Brien

 

"Barry Bonds hit his 756th home run and broke Hank Aaron's record. Last night, President Bush did not call Barry Bonds but today, Bush decided to make the call. Bush said, 'I realized I had a rare opportunity to talk to the only guy in the country whose less popular than I am.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Now he can embarrass the President without even opening his mouth (honorary air traffic controller)

"Vice President Joe Biden fell asleep during Obama's speech. He has now been named an honorary air traffic controller." –Jay Leno

"Joe Biden apparently fell asleep during President Obama's speech on reducing national debt yesterday. Now Joe Biden can embarrass the President without even opening his mouth." –Jay Leno

"Well folks, this just in: a federal jury found Barry Bonds guilty on one count. Barry Bonds guilty on one count and could serve 21 months in prison. So that should be a lesson. If you're a celebrity and you use drugs, and you want to avoid prison, you better be Charlie Sheen." –Jay Leno

"Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of 'Celebrity Apprentice' wraps up. Say what you want about Trump, at least this guy has his priorities in order. He doesn't want to let any reality get in the way of his reality show." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Didn't you dodge the draft because your feet hurt? (without even opening his mouth)

"President Obama wants to raise taxes on the country's richest people. And you thought Donald Trump hated him before." –Jay Leno

"Vice President Joe Biden fell asleep during Obama's speech. He has now been named an honorary air traffic controller." –Jay Leno

"Joe Biden apparently fell asleep during President Obama's speech on reducing national debt yesterday. Now Joe Biden can embarrass the President without even opening his mouth." –Jay Leno

"Well folks, this just in: a federal jury found Barry Bonds guilty on one count. Barry Bonds guilty on one count and could serve 21 months in prison. So that should be a lesson. If you're a celebrity and you use drugs, and you want to avoid prison, you better be Charlie Sheen." –Jay Leno

"Donald Trump said he will not decide about a possible run for the presidency until after the current season of 'Celebrity Apprentice' wraps up. Say what you want about Trump, at least this guy has his priorities in order. He doesn't want to let any reality get in the way of his reality show." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Which answers the question what's the only job worse than disposing of nuclear waste (Who's my b*tch?)

Ken Jennings became the first person ever to win 1 million dollars on Jeopardy. He’s like a machine. You can tell that he's getting cocky because whenever he hears the name Alex Trebek he answers, “Who's my bitch?” --Conan O’Brien 7/14/2004

Barry Bonds was accidentally hit in the head with a baseball. Then afterwards Bonds said, “That's the second most painful shot I've had all day.” --Conan O’Brien 5/4/2006

According to MSNBC Britney Spears recently hired a person to keep an eye on Kevin Federline 24 hours a day. Which answers the question what's the only job worse than disposing of nuclear waste. --Conan O’Brien 5/4/2006

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He can now order his steroids by email (two extra hands)

Last night Britney Spears manager canceled Britney's concert in Cleveland because she got sick. And by sick he means there was a problem with the playback machine. --Conan O’Brien 4/2/2004

This week the San Francisco Giants announced that their ballpark is now a Wi-Fi hotspot and as a result fans can connect to the internet from anywhere in the stadium. Even better Barry Bonds can now order his steroids by email. --Conan O’Brien 4/2/2004

In the papers it's been reported that a woman in China who went in for a breast enlargement surgery ended up with two extra breasts. In a related story her husband wants to have surgery to give him two extra hands. --Conan O’Brien 4/2/2004

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Bush wasn't just reading other people's mail (He does care about black people)

"A lot of people were wondering whether President Bush would acknowledge the record. He did. In fact, he told Neil Cavuto on Fox News today that he spoke to Barry Bonds on the phone. See that. He does care about black people after all. He probably just wanted to take the rare opportunity to talk to someone whose approval rating is lower than his is." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Although it's warm here, it is really hot back East. In fact, in Washington, DC, it is so hot that President Bush wasn't just reading other people's mail, he was actually fanning himself with it." --Jay Leno

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

I had a rare opportunity to talk to the only guy in the country who's less popular than I am (my favorite porn movie)

"Barry Bonds hit his 756th home run and broke Hank Aaron's record. Last night, President Bush did not call Barry Bonds but today, Bush decided to make the call. Bush said, 'I realized I had a rare opportunity to talk to the only guy in the country who's less popular than I am.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Hillary Clinton says she's going to reach out to health care employees by working a shift as a nurse at a hospital. When he heard about this, Bill Clinton was upset and said, 'Great. This will ruin the plot of my favorite porn movie.'" --Conan O'Brien

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulsecollectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

JOKES: the only person with a growth package in this country that works (Barry Bonds)

"Have you noticed all these action stars are now endorsing candidates? Like Mike Huckabee has Chuck Norris; Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger came out for John McCain; and today, Hillary Clinton picked up Janet Reno." --Jay Leno

 "Both the Republicans and the Democrats have competing growth packages. Let me tell you something, the only person with a growth package in this country that works -- Barry Bonds." --Jay Leno

 "Happy Groundhog Day, ladies and gentlemen! It's funny. Earlier today, down in Washington, DC, a confused President Bush pardoned a turkey." --David Letterman