Are you beginning to miss the days when we were ruled by a mad English king? (you're one president too late)

"Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late." –David Letterman

"A few weeks ago President Obama was riding in an elevator, and it turns out a guy on the elevator had a gun. This is pretty scary stuff. Not as scary as riding in an elevator with Ray Rice, but still scary." –David Letterman

"It's day nine of the government shutdown. Are you like me? Are you beginning to miss the days when we were ruled by a mad English king?" –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is the kind of thing that could damage their 10 percent approval rating (Fixed this for you)

"People are saying now that before the government shutdown congressmen went out and got drunk – celebrating that they had shut down the government. This is the kind of thing that could damage their 10 percent approval rating." –David Letterman

"A few weeks ago President Obama was riding in an elevator, and it turns out a guy on the elevator had a gun. This is pretty scary stuff. Not as scary as riding in an elevator with Ray Rice, but still scary." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Aggh! We can still see half your face! (Saints vs Communists)

Ted Cruz posted a photo on Twitter last night of himself dressed as the Phantom of the Opera for Halloween. Said trick-or-treaters, “Aggh! We can still see half your face!” –Seth Meyers

A Pennsylvania rapper who has a song called “Sell Drugz” was arrested this week for allegedly selling narcotics. Even worse, his attorney has a song called “Lose Cases.” –Seth Meyers

"Congress sent a letter to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell Wednesday demanding 'the highest level of transparency' concerning the league's handling of the Ray Rice domestic violence incident. That's right, Congress sent him a letter. They would have sent a video, but they wanted Goodell to see it.' –Seth Meyers

"The White House today came out in support of requiring police officers to wear body cameras at all times. It's a great way for fans to keep up with their favorite NFL players." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

For legal purposes, this is a joke (No it isn't)

"Problems for the NFL continue. Last week Nike suspended Ray Rice's contract and today they suspended Adrian Peterson's contract. So now Nike is down to Oscar Pistorius and Kim Jong Un." –Conan O'Brien

"Of course, you all saw this. This is what I'm talking about. Kayne West at the Video Music Awards. Kayne West interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech. And after he did that, after he was done interrupting her, MTV threw him out of the building. So it's official. MTV has a lower tolerance for bad behavior than the United States Congress." --Conan O'Brien

"Vladimir Putin has taken his criticism of America up a notch. Today he wrote an Op-Ed for The New York Times asking the U.S. to be more civilized. Unfortunately, Putin couldn't finish it because he had to take his shirt off and arrest gay people." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It was the same coin that the Supreme Court tossed that won Bush the election (Whatever you do, don't tell British Petroleum)

"A few weeks ago President Obama was riding in an elevator, and it turns out a guy on the elevator had a gun. This is pretty scary stuff. Not as scary as riding in an elevator with Ray Rice, but still scary." –David Letterman

"The good news is that scientists have found a giant Earth-like planet, and it may support human life. Whatever you do, don't tell British Petroleum." –David Letterman

"Speaking of President Bush, did you see him last night at the big football game? It was the Giants and Cowboys down there in Texas. And President Bush did the coin toss at the start of the game. Now here's a bit of trivia. The coin that they used to start the game was the same coin that the Supreme Court tossed that won Bush the election." --David Letterman

"Congratulations to Chelsea Clinton. Over the weekend, she gave birth to a baby girl. The baby girl will not confirm or deny whether she's running in 2056." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Not as scary as riding in an elevator with Ray Rice, but still scary..

"Autumn is a beautiful time of year. At the White House, squirrels are rounding up nuts on the lawn, which is more than the Secret Service is doing." –David Letterman



"Secret Service Director Julia Pierson has resigned. She hopped the fence and thanked President Obama." –David Letterman



"A few weeks ago President Obama was riding in an elevator, and it turns out a guy on the elevator had a gun. This is pretty scary stuff. Not as scary as riding in an elevator with Ray Rice, but still scary." –David Letterman

It's a great way for fans to keep up with their favorite NFL players

"The White House today came out in support of requiring police officers to wear body cameras at all times. It's a great way for fans to keep up with their favorite NFL players." –Seth Meyers

"Problems for the NFL continue. Last week Nike suspended Ray Rice's contract and today they suspended Adrian Peterson's contract. So now Nike is down to Oscar Pistorius and Kim Jong Un." –Conan O'Brien