she should have been worried about them voting (Oh, wait)

Then again, why wouldn’t Ted Cruz win in Texas? Because at the end of the day, real cowboys only love three things. Barbecue, rodeo, and Canadians who went to Princeton and Harvard. --Stephen Colbert

In Mitch McConnell’s home state of Kentucky, anti-gay marriage county clerk Kim Davis lost her re-election. All this time she was worried about gay people getting married, when she should have been worried about them voting. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Yeah, gotta go with the Taliban on this one (Nope — just butts)

A Harvard psychologist who studies dreams recently said that dogs likely dream of our faces, our scents, and trying to please us. Then the dogs said, "Nope — just butts." –Jimmy Fallon

"Nobody’s happy about the government shutdown. In fact, the Taliban just issued a statement where they criticized Congress for putting themselves before everyone else. You know things are bad when Americans are saying, 'Yeah, gotta go with the Taliban on this one.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This wasn't what I meant when I said I wanted to have kids (wait till you see what his boyfriend has)

Disgraced ex Harvard president Larry Summers reportedly spent his honeymoon on Epstein Island, which really upset his wife, who said, "This wasn't what I meant when I said I wanted to have kids." —Greg Gutfeld

Some people were shocked to see Rachel Maddow at the funeral for Dick Cheney. True, it's the first time she's ever shown up for Dick. —Greg Gutfeld

According to a new list, women think it's a good sign if a guy's apartment has expensive candles, nice hand soap, and wine glasses. And if you think that's nice, ladies, wait till you see what his boyfriend has. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

she spends that much a month on ham (four of the five monsters)

Mattel is blaming tariffs for increasing the price of Barbie dolls and also crushing Ken's dreams of ever having genitals. —Greg Gutfeld

A 115 year-old British woman is now the world's oldest living person. Or as Joe Biden likes to call her jailbait. —Greg Gutfeld

The DHS claims self- deportation would be 70% cheaper for taxpayers. It currently costs over 17 grand to arrest detain and deport someone. While it would only cost $4,500 to self-deport. Hell, Joy Behar spends that much a month on ham. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's not even hard (intro to leechcraft)

The past week has also seen Trump attempting to “Maga-fy higher education” by imposing demands on institutions. But Harvard has become the first university to refuse. Now you’re just like the rest of us because you just got rejected by Harvard.

The administration wants DEI programs shut down, plagiarism checks made on all staff and foreign students reported for conduct violations. Dorm RAs were already drunk on power.

But the head of Harvard clapped back to insane dictatorial demands, which has led to $2.2 billion of federal funding being withheld.

Harvard has been around since 1636 so it will probably continue to survive. Back then the only available classes were Latin grammar, intro to leechcraft and witch kindling. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

His advisors think this is the best way to bring his approval rating up (a woman not currently sleeping with her husband)

 

"Actually, both Britney Spears and Paris Hilton have now commented on the John McCain political ad. And both of them said, 'Who's John McCain?' So I don't know." --Jay Leno

"As you know President Bush is currently on vacation in Texas. He said he's going to try and do absolutely nothing for the next ten days. His advisors think this is the best way to bring his approval rating up. Just don't do anything." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton is furious at Ann Coulter for attacking the 9/11 widows. This is the maddest Hillary's ever been at a woman not currently sleeping with her husband." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And if that sounds like a good excuse to you, try it on your girlfriend (The only reason George W. Bush got into Iraq)

"Mitt Romney on Tuesday once again tried to distance himself from his infamous 47 percent comments, saying, 'the words that came out were not what I meant.' And if that sounds like a good excuse to you, try it on your girlfriend." –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump said in an interview this weekend that Iraq is the “Harvard of terrorism.” And he’s got a point: The only reason George W. Bush got into Iraq is because his dad went there. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

Nope — just butts (having Gary Busey follow him around with some nunchucks)

A Harvard psychologist who studies dreams recently said that dogs likely dream of our faces, our scents, and trying to please us. Then dogs said, "Nope — just butts." –Jimmy Fallon

Now that the dust has settled from the Democratic debate, it looks like Hillary Clinton is going to remain the Democratic front-runner. And believe it or not over on the Republican side, Donald Trump is still in the lead. And now Trump is saying that he should be given Secret Service protection. As opposed to his current security: having Gary Busey follow him around with some nunchucks. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

There’s a NEW often-wrong news channel in town! (Oh, please, we made one vice president)

Donald Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, appeared on Trump’s new Facebook Live show and said Trump “unequivocally” will win the election. So, look out, CNN! There’s a NEW often-wrong news channel in town! –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump said in an interview this weekend that Iraq is the “Harvard of terrorism.” And he’s got a point: The only reason George W. Bush got into Iraq is because his dad went there. –Seth Meyers

Saudi Arabia yesterday became the first country in the world to grant citizenship to a robot. Oh, please, we made one vice president. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Look how close they put their country to our military bases (nine people who have no chance of winning)

Several associates are turning on Donald Trump, including attorney Kenneth Chesebro, who pleaded guilty to a felony conspiracy charge and faces 100 hours of community service, five years of probation and a $5,000 fine. He must also truthfully testify against other co-defendants, including Trump. Which is a problem for the ex-president, because, when nutballs like Rudy Giuliani and Mike Lindell get in trouble, it just feels like it’s part of the plan, like it’s been factored in. But when an anonymous, white-collar Harvard guy goes down and says he’ll cooperate with prosecutors, that’s gotta be when Trump is thinking to himself, ‘oh no.’ Because if Mike Lindell or Rudy Giuliani ever flipped on Trump and told a jury Trump was guilty, Trump would be found innocent by the first lunch break, because they’re fucking nuts. Chesebro is a Harvard-educated lawyer with a long history in Washington politics who might actually be able to explain to a jury where the bodies are buried, as opposed to Rudy, who looks like a guy who knows the best places to dig one up. —Seth Meyers

“Nine House Republicans have announced plans to run for speaker. But if you wanted to see nine people who have no chance of winning, just go to a Mets game.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Bold of you to assume I wouldn't eat a person (Nope — just butts)

New data from the Hubble Space Telescope shows that the universe has two trillion galaxies, which is 10 times more than previously thought. The good news is, none of those galaxies are made by Samsung. –Jimmy Fallon

A Harvard psychologist who studies dreams recently said that dogs likely dream of our faces, our scents, and trying to please us. Then dogs said, "Nope — just butts." –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump said that he wants to “give back to the country” he loves. Then people were like, "There's always that OTHER way to give back to your country — Pay your taxes!” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

See what happens when the two parties put aside their principles and do what is best for them personally? (It's what they call a 'two-step' deal)

"We finally have a debt deal. See what happens when the two parties put aside their principles and do what is best for them personally?" –Jay Leno

"It's what they call a 'two-step' deal. It steps on the middle class and the lower class." –Jay Leno

"After two weeks in the theaters, the documentary about Sarah Palin called 'Undefeated' ...not doing well...barely made $100,000. I'm not saying Sarah Palin's movie is a bomb, but today Al Qaeda tried to take credit." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I have personally donated thousands of dollars to people who slide down poles for a living (Uh ... that was also rehab)

"Yeah, Rob Ford said he likes rehab because it reminds him of the football camp he went to as a kid. Then his parents were like, 'Uh ... that was also rehab.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump was going crazy on Twitter because a big firefighters union decided to endorse Joe Biden instead of him. He's really upset with this union. He sent a tweet that said, "I've done more for firefighters than this dues-sucking union will ever do." Then he added, "I have personally donated thousands of dollars to people who slide down poles for a living." --Jimmy Fallon

"On Saturday, Chris Christie tweeted that he had a colonoscopy just hours before he went to the White House Correspondents Dinner. Yeah, that's what you want to see at a dinner — Chris Christie after he wasn't able to eat for 24 hours." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Biden is clearly at that age where he receives all his information via bones (holds Georgia’s single-season pregnancy record)

November 2022

“The midterm elections are 4 days away and we have a tough decision ahead. On the one hand, democracy is being threatened by extremists who want power at all costs, even if it means burning us to the ground. On the other hand, gas is $4 a gallon now.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“President Biden addressed Americans about the fragile state of democracy, not from the Oval Office but from a place even more sacred to him: train station. A visibly concerned Biden told Americans that in our bones, we know democracy is at risk. Biden is clearly at that age where he receives all his information via bones.” —Stephen Colbert

“GOP candidate for senator in Georgia Herschel Walker wanted to compare his résumé against Barack Obama’s. Let’s see, Obama’s accomplishments: first black president of the Harvard Law Review, US senator, president for two terms, winner of the Nobel peace prize and an Emmy, three bestselling books and a multimillion-dollar book deal. Herschel Walker? Good at football, holds Georgia’s single-season pregnancy record, and brain broke. Hard to tell them apart!” —Stephen Colbert

“Herschel Walker has gone from beefing with reality to beefing with Barack Obama. First of all, it wouldn’t even matter if Walker’s résumé was more impressive than Obama’s because Obama has a line in his résumé that says ‘not crazy’. That carries a lot of weight in a job interview. But also, Obama was president. For two terms! Herschel Walker can’t even carry any of his pregnancies to two terms, what are you talking about? Any résumé is impressive when you can just make it up.” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm not a ghost (Let's Try Peace)

Vice President Mike Pence held a rally today in Ohio where adults kept trying to give him candy. Pence kept trying to tell them, "I'm not a ghost." --Seth Meyers

Donald Trump said in an interview this weekend that Iraq is the “Harvard of terrorism.” And he’s got a point: The only reason George W. Bush got into Iraq is because his dad went there. –Seth Meyers

In response to his drop to second in the polls, Donald Trump said today that he will run until the very end and does not mind running from behind. Trump says he knows what it’s like to be the underdog, because he wears one on his head. –Seth Meyers

Fox News’ Geraldo Rivera said this weekend that he has additional embarrassing tapes of Donald Trump. And if Geraldo thinks they’re embarrassing, you know it’s bad. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

She made a wish, and then deleted the candles (Straight A’s Academy!)

Hundreds of Harvard students staged a walkout this week in solidarity with university dining hall workers who are on strike. Said Harvard students, “You can’t take advantage of them just ’cause they went to Yale!” –Seth Meyers

Microsoft announced a free update to Windows today that allows users to take photos and edit them in 3D. Critics are calling it “the most exciting thing you’ll ever explain to your grandma.” –Seth Meyers

Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 69 today. She made a wish, and then deleted the candles. –Seth Meyers

A school in California is testing a new program that forgoes traditional teachers and has students teach and grade each other’s classwork. So good luck to the students at “Straight A’s Academy!” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Then the dogs said, "Nope — just butts." (Yeah, gotta go with the Taliban on this one)

A Harvard psychologist who studies dreams recently said that dogs likely dream of our faces, our scents, and trying to please us. Then the dogs said, "Nope — just butts." –Jimmy Fallon

"Nobody’s happy about the government shutdown. In fact, the Taliban just issued a statement where they criticized Congress for putting themselves before everyone else. You know things are bad when Americans are saying, 'Yeah, gotta go with the Taliban on this one.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Hillary Clinton’s campaign manager said that based on early voting, they expect this election to have the largest voter turnout in American history. That’s right, more people than ever will go to the polls for their chance to say, “Ugh, I guess...” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He bowled sober. See, you never do that. (What can I get for an extra $50?)

"According to a new study by the University of British Columbia and Harvard, money can buy happiness, but only if you spend the money on someone else. To which former Governor Eliot Spitzer said, 'See.'" --Jay Leno

 

"According to the New York Post, Eliot Spitzer has entered therapy for his sex addiction. He has sex addiction. He's not horny, a sex addiction. See, I don't know if it's gonna work. When the therapist told him it was 300 bucks an hour, he said, 'What can I get for an extra $50?'" --Jay Leno

"But, see, I tell you - you know what's interesting? He's not a bowler, obviously. And Barack Obama made the typical mistake a lot of rookie bowlers make. He bowled sober. See, you never do that." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

A capitalist's version of a moral dilemma (Enough is never enough)

April 2012

"After winning five primaries yesterday, Mitt Romney has his new campaign slogan. 'Well, I guess you're stuck with me.'" –Jay Leno

"Romney proves with a little hard work and a little luck, even a multimillionaire from Harvard can succeed in this country." –Jay Leno

"Republicans released a new anti-Obama attack ad. I can't wait to hear what country he was born in now!" –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, that online college? (make the mature choice)

“Today, ‘Wheel of Fortune’ filmed without an audience as a protective measure against the coronavirus. Things are so bad over there, Vanna is now turning all the letters with her elbow.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Meanwhile, because of the virus, the mayor of Boston announced their annual St. Patrick’s Day Parade has been canceled. Yeah, the mayor asked if instead of drinking, puking and blacking out in the streets, people could make the mature choice and do it at home.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Harvard just announced they’re sending all their students home until further notice, and they’ll take classes online. Now if you meet someone who says they went to Harvard, you can be like, ‘Oh, that online college?’” — Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”