If you don’t believe me, ask my wife Melatonin (She made a wish, and then deleted the candles)

President Trump today claimed he has a better recollection of his condolence call to the widow of a soldier than she does, pointing to his head and saying quote “one of the great memories of all time.” Trump then added, “If you don’t believe me, ask my wife Melatonin.” –Seth Meyers

​​Amazon is testing a new service that allows couriers to unlock homes and leave packages inside. Learn more about the new service on a future episode of “Dateline.” –Seth Meyers

Happy birthday to Hillary Clinton, who turned 69 today. She made a wish, and then deleted the candles. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Not Voting Properly? (So, 13?)

Samsung announced recently that people who turn in their recalled Galaxy Note 7 phones will be eligible for a free Note 8 next year when it debuts. Said customers, "I'm not falling for it. I've been burned by Samsung before." –Seth Meyers

Amazon is testing a new service that allows couriers to unlock homes and leave packages inside. Learn more about the new service on a future episode of “Dateline.” –Seth Meyers

White House Chief of Staff John Kelly reportedly told the Trump administration that if it were up to him, the number of refugees admitted into the U.S. would be between zero and one. Said Betsy DeVos, “So, 13?” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s the first rule of any cult: never leave the compound (Let's get you to the guillotine)

June 2022

“That’s right, earlier tonight, Congress held the first public hearing on the Jan. 6 attack, and it aired in prime time across all major networks. Yep. The footage is rough to get through. Right after the hearing, I watched an episode of ‘Dateline’ just to lighten the mood.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Five minutes in, even Mike Pence was like, ‘I’ve had enough — let’s see what’s happening on ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Instead of broadcasting the hearings, Fox News is showing reruns of January 6th with a laugh track.” —Jimmy Fallon

“After two hours of documentary evidence and testimony, we learned that this insurrectionist conspiracy was, like everything else associated with that last administration, exactly what you thought, but worse than you could have imagined. The next episode drops on Monday morning, and to quote the former president, ‘Be there. Will be wild.’” —Stephen Colbert

“It was such a juicy burger that Fox News knew that even their viewers would be tempted to take a bite, which is why — and this is true — for the first hour of his show opposite the hearings, Tucker Carlson took no commercial breaks. Do you understand what that means? Fox News is willing to lose money to keep their viewers from flipping over and accidentally learning information.” —Stephen Colbert

“But I am really not surprised that Fox isn’t showing the hearings. That’s the first rule of any cult: never leave the compound.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Every joke is a tiny revolution (which White House toilet did he flush them down?)

“The House committee investigating the events of Jan. 6, 2021, reported a seven-hour gap in President Donald J. Trump’s phone records, including the time of the Capitol riot. Seven hours. I don’t know if anyone else is a fan of the show ‘Dateline,’ but if your phone records are missing even 10 minutes, you’re guilty.” —Jimmy Fallon 

“Even the ghost of Richard Nixon is like, ‘I don’t think you can do that.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“The only time there should be a seven-hour gap is when you’re trying to remember what happened on St. Patrick’s Day.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Instead, for all of those hours, all the White House phone records just say, ‘Scam likely.’” —Stephen Colbert

“And now after making the discovery, the House committee is investigating whether Trump used burner phones. It’s always reassuring when a president acts like a character in ‘The Wire.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Trump denied it, saying, ‘I’ve never had a burner phone. I’ve had a couple of burner wives, but no burner phones.’” —James Corden

“So now the big question is, which White House toilet did he flush them down?” —Jimmy Kimmel

“I wouldn’t be surprised. I mean, he already has a burner son.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hello Kitty is selling wine for the holidays (sneaky, corrupt and dishonest, pt. 5)

Mark Zuckerberg announced that he is taking a leave from Facebook to spend more time with his daughters. Like everyone who says they’re leaving Facebook, he’ll come back every hour to see how many likes his announcement got. –Jimmy Fallon

    

The other big story is that early Saturday morning, Senate Republicans passed their tax plan. They said, “We realize doing this in the dead of night makes us look sneaky, corrupt and dishonest… Anyway, have a great weekend!” –Jimmy Fallon

Hello Kitty is selling wine for the holidays. So if you’re someone who wants to order some Hello Kitty wine, I’m Chris Hansen from “Dateline.” –Jimmy Fallon

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JohnHulse #collectedpoems #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

Queer Eye For Pretending To Be The Straight Guy (Any place you want it to be)

"A very special edition of 'Dateline' the other night. Matt Lauer interviewed Idaho Senator Larry Craig. Actually, the senator was a little confused. He thought it was 'Win A Date with Matt Lauer.' The senator showed up with flowers, condoms, a six pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade. He was there to party. If you didn't see the interview, it will rerun on Bravo on 'Queer Eye For Pretending To Be The Straight Guy.'" --Jay Leno

"There was one kind of awkward moment during the interview. During a commercial break, I guess Matt Lauer asked the senator where the bathroom was, and the senator said, 'Any place you want it to be.'" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #repealreplacerepublicans #Bernie2020 #FeeltheBern @BrandNew535 @justicedems 

Queer Eye For Pretending To Be The Straight Guy

"A very special edition of 'Dateline' the other night. Matt Lauer interviewed Idaho Senator Larry Craig. Actually, the senator was a little confused. He thought it was 'Win A Date with Matt Lauer.' The senator showed up with flowers, condoms, a six pack of Mike's Hard Lemonade. He was there to party. If you didn't see the interview, it will rerun on Bravo on 'Queer Eye For Pretending To Be The Straight Guy.'" --Jay Leno

"There was one kind of awkward moment during the interview. During a commercial break, I guess Matt Lauer asked the senator where the bathroom was, and the senator said, 'Any place you want it to be.'" --Jay Leno

"According to a new report, security screeners at our nation's airports -- this is scary -- failed to find fake bombs hidden on undercover agents 60% of the time. President Bush said today, 'Well, who cares about fake bombs?'" --Jay Leno