Magical Wealth Redistribution Machine (especially in states where marijuana is legal)

There was a primary in Arizona and caucuses in Idaho and Utah. Donald Trump was behind in the polls in Utah — Utah is not particularly friendly territory for Donald Trump because most of the voters there are sober. –Jimmy Kimmel

DoorDash is a food delivery service testing out a new method of delivery that uses robots to bring you your food. They’re offering it in California and Washington, D.C., right now. You use your app, you order food, and a robot in some cases will bring it right to you. It even acts surprised when you answer the door naked. It’s an amazing technology. Do [they] warn people that a robot is coming? Because you could open the door and go like, “Oh, my God, there’s a robot here” and potentially it could scare people, especially in states where marijuana is legal. –Jimmy Kimmel

The only way that Trump could be happier with the Mueller Report is if a porn star rolled it up and spanked him with it. --Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I've wanted to represent the great people of Texas since the day I was spawned (To be fair, she did make everyone very aware of alcohol)

Next up is Texas Senator Ted Cruz. His closing statement is, "I've wanted to represent the great people of Texas since the day I was spawned."  --Jimmy Fallon

It just came out that Lady Gaga got engaged over the summer! The wedding will be pretty low key — just 50 or 60 costume changes. –Jimmy Fallon

Uh, guys, listen to this. A school administrator in Louisiana was just arrested after she showed up to school drunk during alcohol awareness week. To be fair, she did make everyone very aware of alcohol. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He bowled sober. See, you never do that. (What can I get for an extra $50?)

"According to a new study by the University of British Columbia and Harvard, money can buy happiness, but only if you spend the money on someone else. To which former Governor Eliot Spitzer said, 'See.'" --Jay Leno

 

"According to the New York Post, Eliot Spitzer has entered therapy for his sex addiction. He has sex addiction. He's not horny, a sex addiction. See, I don't know if it's gonna work. When the therapist told him it was 300 bucks an hour, he said, 'What can I get for an extra $50?'" --Jay Leno

"But, see, I tell you - you know what's interesting? He's not a bowler, obviously. And Barack Obama made the typical mistake a lot of rookie bowlers make. He bowled sober. See, you never do that." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That’s the first rule of any cult: never leave the compound (Let's get you to the guillotine)

June 2022

“That’s right, earlier tonight, Congress held the first public hearing on the Jan. 6 attack, and it aired in prime time across all major networks. Yep. The footage is rough to get through. Right after the hearing, I watched an episode of ‘Dateline’ just to lighten the mood.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Five minutes in, even Mike Pence was like, ‘I’ve had enough — let’s see what’s happening on ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Instead of broadcasting the hearings, Fox News is showing reruns of January 6th with a laugh track.” —Jimmy Fallon

“After two hours of documentary evidence and testimony, we learned that this insurrectionist conspiracy was, like everything else associated with that last administration, exactly what you thought, but worse than you could have imagined. The next episode drops on Monday morning, and to quote the former president, ‘Be there. Will be wild.’” —Stephen Colbert

“It was such a juicy burger that Fox News knew that even their viewers would be tempted to take a bite, which is why — and this is true — for the first hour of his show opposite the hearings, Tucker Carlson took no commercial breaks. Do you understand what that means? Fox News is willing to lose money to keep their viewers from flipping over and accidentally learning information.” —Stephen Colbert

“But I am really not surprised that Fox isn’t showing the hearings. That’s the first rule of any cult: never leave the compound.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

in the new version of Monopoly, the banker never goes to jail (guillotines need gravity to work)

February 2013

"Several states are now looking into the possibility of taxing marijuana as a source of revenue. That is so typical of the government, isn't it? Trying to squeeze blood from a stoner." –Jay Leno

"Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said he wants to become the first Iranian to go into outer space. He wants to study the effects of anti-gravity on anti-Semitism." –Jay Leno

"Monopoly is getting a big makeover. They want to make the Monopoly game more modern and bring it up to date to reflect our current culture. Like, in the new version of Monopoly, the banker never goes to jail." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I love a graph that's dropping a hint (he’s already 100% owned by corporations)

April 2021

“The Republican backlash to the corporate backlash to Georgia’s new restrictive voting law is in the news. The measure, passed by the Republican lawmakers and signed by the Republican governor, Brian Kemp, shortens the window for absentee voting, curtails access to ballot access for predominantly minority voters in urban counties, and makes offering food or water to voters waiting in line a misdemeanor.

Major League Baseball condemned the law, along with a slew of corporations including Delta, Home Depot, Aflac, Google, Bank of America, Coca-Cola, Microsoft, Facebook and JP Morgan. In response, some congressional Republicans called for a boycott of ‘Woke-a-Cola’, and found support from the Senate minority leader, Mitch McConnell, who this week warned businesses of ‘serious consequences’ if they continued oppose Georgia’s restrictive voting law. 

‘My advice to the corporate CEOs of America is to stay out of politics,’ McConnell told reporters. Yes, corporations, Mitch McConnell wants you to stay out of politics, which is why I’m sure any day now he’s going to return the $4.3 Million he’s accepted from corporations in the last five years. 

McConnell’s ‘stay out of politics’ line is grossly hypocritical, considering the Kentucky senator’s comments in 2013 after the Citizens United ruling, which considered corporations ‘people’ free to express political speech through massive campaign contributions. ‘Under the first amendment, every corporation in America should be free to participate in the political process,’ McConnell said at the time. I’d call that a self-own, but he’s already 100% owned by corporations.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”