You went onstage and did what at an awards show? (damned if you do, Ted Cruz if you don’t)

“Obviously, Chris Rock did not deserve to be slapped in the face for a joke. Will’s point of view is he was defending his wife, and that’s a tough position to be in because it’s damned if you do, Ted Cruz if you don’t.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“To me, there’s only one more step to make this right: the Comedy Central roast of Will Smith, hosted by Chris Rock.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“And by the way, no one did anything. A whole roomful of people, no one lifted a finger. Spider-Man was there, Aquaman was there, Catwoman, all sitting on their hands. No one helped Chris Rock. We will never stop talking about this. It was so shocking. The only thing I can really compare it to is when Mike Tyson bit Evander Holyfield’s ears. Even Kanye was like, ‘You went onstage and did what at an awards show?’” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh man, I gotta record this. No one will believe me! (I don't always watch Fox News...)

The White House is still reeling from a bombshell report from The New York Times. The article revealed that Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein once floated the idea of secretly recording conversations with the president by wearing a wire. A wire? If you want to catch Trump saying something incriminating you don't need a wire. Just look at his Twitter feed! --James Corden

First, Trump's personal lawyer secretly taped him. Then, Omarosa taped him in the White House. Now look, I'm no political expert, but it's probably a bad sign when literally everyone you work with is like, "Oh man, I gotta record this. No one will believe me!" --James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

But when I do it's on Comedy Central (Hey, it worked for me)

"There's a big scandal going on with 'American Idol.' Sanjaya is apparently being kept on the show because there's a web site called votefortheworst.com, which urges the voters to vote for the worst possible choice. Bush heard about it and said, 'Hey, it worked for me.'" --Bill Maher

"Welcome to the show. My name is Dave Letterman. I'm the ex-husband Judi Giuliani doesn't talk about." --David Letterman

"President Bush has big April Fools' Day plans. He's going to call Alberto Gonzales and tell him he's doing a heckuva a job." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The Daily Show - Burn Noticed

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html
#Bernie2020
#JusticeDemocrats

Pay No Attention To That Man behind The Curtain! (you're a terrible person)

"Why does Robert Novak hate and why me? It's like I publicly revealed some piece of information he didn't want people to know, and ruined his career. And then, kept asserting it was everyone else's fault, but mine. I don't like this bad blood between us, Robert. If you're watching, and I know you're not, I think it's time to bury the hatchet. We need to get together and talk. We'll meet on neutral ground. You're on Fox. I'm on Comedy Central. How about the Food Network? We can work this out because I know that you're a good person deep down in your thing that they replaced your heart with. I see your redeeming qualities. For example, when I see you on television, you generously absorb all light and oxygen. When you leave an area, it stops raining. And I know in the past I've referred to you as a douchebag, but that's not an air of grandeur, that's just mean. I only said those things to you because I sincerely believe you're a terrible person." --Jon Stewart

"Remember America, we started with an armed conflict. It's called the Revolutionary War, not the Revolutionary let's all sit down and talk about our feelings. So I'm surprised to hear the military can't find enough new recruits even after increasing the maximum recruitment age to 41. I don't get it. Why aren't ageing baby boomers jumping at the chance for an exciting second career? They've even lowered the physical requirement. For a 17 year-old soldier the requirements are 47 sit-ups and 35 push-ups but for a 41 year-old it's a tough but fair 29 sit-ups and 24 push-ups. And eventually when they start recruiting retirees, say by March 2007, elderly troops will qualify with two stand-ups, five thumbs-ups, and a 2-minute complaint about the salad dressing selection at Bennigans." --Stephen Colbert

I only said those things to you because I sincerely believe you're a terrible person

"Why does Robert Novak hate and why me? It's like I publicly revealed some piece of information he didn't want people to know, and ruined his career. And then, kept asserting it was everyone else's fault, but mine. I don't like this bad blood between us, Robert. If you're watching, and I know you're not, I think it's time to bury the hatchet. We need to get together and talk. We'll meet on neutral ground. You're on Fox. I'm on Comedy Central. How about the Food Network? We can work this out because I know that you're a good person deep down in your thing that they replaced your heart with. I see your redeeming qualities. For example, when I see you on television, you generously absorb all light and oxygen. When you leave an area, it stops raining. And I know in the past I've referred to you as a douchebag, but that's not an air of grandeur, that's just mean. I only said those things to you because I sincerely believe you're a terrible person." --Jon Stewart

"It's rumored in Washington that Condoleezza Rice has a new boyfriend. Allegedly, he's Canada's Foreign Minister, Peter MacKay. Since he's a diplomat and he visits her at the White House, he has to have a Secret Service code name. Do you know what his Secret Service code name is? 'Captain Kirk.' You know why they call him that? Because he's going where no man has gone before." --Jay Leno