No, you take a bite first (the first debate will be held at 2:00 am inside a Taco Bell)

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un invited South Korean officials to dinner. It was described as two hours of "You take a bite." "No, you take a bite first." --Jimmy Fallon

Well, you guys, the 2020 presidential campaign is already starting to heat up and I read that, so far, five Democratic candidates have come out in favor of legalizing weed. Which is why the first debate will be held at 2:00 am inside a Taco Bell. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Just one of the reasons we remember Herbert Hoover as our greatest president (Who’s ready to learn how to make their own iPad from scratch?)

Donald Trump finally announced his tariff plan on Wednesday, a day he referred to as “liberation day”. Or, in other words, “thanks to Donald Trump, America is finally free from the tyranny of being able to buy stuff from other countries. Who’s ready to learn how to make their own iPad from scratch?” —Stephen Colbert

After weeks of speculation, Trump announced 10% tariffs on goods from all countries, plus additional markups – 34% on imports from China, 20% on imports from the European Union, 25% on imports from South Korea, 24% on those from Japan and 32% on those from Taiwan. In all, the most severe set of US trade tariffs since 1930. Ah yes, the 1930 Smoot-Hawley tariffs. Just one of the reasons we remember Herbert Hoover as our greatest president. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh look, it’s the garbage’s birthday! (Jimmy Buffett was never this relaxed)

In one of several interviews after his conviction for multiple election fraud felonies last week, Donald Trump said that the trial was tougher on his family than it was on him. Yeah, no kidding. Not only did it not keep you up at night, it didn’t keep you up during the day. Jimmy Buffett was never this relaxed. —Seth Meyers

There are new tensions between North and South Korea; in response to pamphlets critical of Kim Jong-un dropped by South Korea in North Korea, Pyongyang sent balloons filled with cigarette butts, scraps of paper and other trash. This is like what neighbors in Staten Island do to each other. This is one of the most juvenile international disputes of all time. If North Korea sent a thousand trash balloons to LA, we’d have no idea – ‘Oh look, it’s the garbage’s birthday!’ —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They said 30 years of jumping “groin-first” into a flagpole must’ve finally caught up to him (Must be nice)

Nintendo fans are worried about Mario’s brother, Luigi, because in a trailer for a new game, he appears as a ghost. They said 30 years of jumping “groin-first” into a flagpole must’ve finally caught up to him. --Jimmy Fallon

SeaWorld is letting 125 employees go. Or as the animals put it, “Must be nice.” --Jimmy Fallon

"The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal in archery is a legally blind athlete from South Korea, mainly because everyone else is too scared to compete next to him." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

He said this during a 30-minute-long rambling call to Fox & Friends (50-50 chance)

It is first lady Melania Trump’s birthday today. The president celebrated this morning with a bonkers 30-minute-long phone call to "Fox & Friends," at the start of which they asked, what'd you get Melania for her birthday? He said he's too busy to buy her a present — keeping in mind he said this during a 30-minute-long rambling call to “Fox & Friends.” --Jimmy Kimmel

Our relationship with North Korea is especially tense right now. And one way or another, Donald Trump is going to do something about that [plays clip of Trump saying Bill Clinton and Obama “have all been outplayed by this gentleman”] — just as soon as he figures out that Kim Jong Un and his father, Kim Jong Il, are two different people. –Jimmy Kimmel

Does President Trump really not know that when Bill Clinton was president, Kim Jong Un was 16 years old? This is crazy! There’s a 50-50 chance we might accidentally bomb South Korea if we’re not careful. –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

As people keep telling me, I have the right to remain silent (Even C-SPAN2 was like, ‘Pass.’)

April 2023

“Well, guys, this is nice. Earlier tonight, the Biden’s hosted the president of South Korea and his wife for a state dinner at the White House. The state dinner was fun. The South Korean president was nodding off because of the jet lag, and Biden was nodding off because it was 6:00 p.m. and that's late, late.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Meanwhile, I read that Trump is threatening to skip the Republican presidential debates. Trump was like, [ As Trump ] ‘As people keep telling me, I have the right to remain silent.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“A Republican debate without Trump? Even C-SPAN2 was like, ‘Pass.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Hey, guys, did you see this? Beats is launching new transparent earbuds. Here's my advice. If you drop one, move on with your life. You’re not gonna find it.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Look, with all the women I have to write checks to every month, it's easy to get carried away (Barry's getting his OWN garden!)

Hillary Clinton came up a lot during the debate. At one point,

Ted Cruz even asked Trump why he wrote four checks to Hillary

for her campaign in 2008. Trump said, "Look, with all the women

I have to write checks to every month, it's easy to get carried

away." –Jimmy Fallon

"As of midnight last night, marijuana is officially legal in our nation's capital. Or as President Obama put it, 'Clear some space, Michelle. Barry's getting his OWN garden!'" –Jimmy Fallon

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un invited South Korean officials to dinner. It was described as two hours of "You take a bite." "No, you take a bite first." --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oh, no, don't — you don't breathe in the air. That's even worse (it got weird when someone caught him letting air out of the balloons)

"Doctors are telling the Rio athletes competing in water sports not to put their heads under water to avoid getting sick. So remember, if you're swimming at the Olympics, swim above the water. Athletes asked how they were supposed to swim with their heads in the air, and doctors were like, "Oh, no, don't — you don't breathe in the air. That's even worse." –Jimmy Fallon

Happy birthday to Tom Brady, who turned 38 years old today. He had a great party, but it got weird when someone caught him letting air out of the balloons. –Jimmy Fallon

"The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal in archery is a legally blind athlete from South Korea, mainly because everyone else is too scared to compete next to him." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

President George W. Bush either has a thirst for international knowledge or is a drug mule (then your F looks like a C)

 

"I know the country has been mired in deficit spending and it's been a terrible burden on the country in terms of interest payments. Good news today out of Washington. They haven't paid down the debt or come up with any program to do so. What they did is raise the limit of debt we can go to $9 trillion. It sends a great message to the kids: Hey, are you getting an F? Don't study harder, make the grading curve go out to K. Then your F looks like a C." --Jon Stewart

"President Bush left for the Olympic Games early, in an effort to beat the traffic, landing in South Korea for a day of trade talks. It seemed like just another ordinary trip for the president, except, it's his 134th visit to a foreign country! It's a record! He's now officially -- this is true -- our most traveled president in history. It's a little suspicious. Perhaps validating what I have been saying all along: President George W. Bush either has a thirst for international knowledge or is a drug mule." --Jon Stewart

 

"How powerful a man do you have to be to shoot a man in the face and have that person say, 'My bad'?" --Jon Stewart, on Harry Whittington's apology to Cheney

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I gave birth to a water cooler, Richard! (either he has a thirst for international knowledge or is a drug mule)

And finally some French news, or as they call it in France, News.

The first restaurant in Paris created exclusively for naked diners

has announced it’s closing due to a lack of customers. It’s a shame.

Is this a shock to anyone? Scalding hot soup and no pants do not

mix. They obviously had some problems. It’s the first time in history

that a health inspector has ever issued a rating of “NOPE.”

--James Corden

A woman in Texas broke a hospital record recently after

delivering a nearly 15-pound baby. So good luck to her

husband on ever complaining about anything again.

"Oh, you have a headache? I gave birth to a water cooler,

Richard!" --Seth Meyers

"President Bush left for the Olympic Games early,

in an effort to beat the traffic, landing in South Korea

for a day of trade talks. It seemed like just another

ordinary trip for the president, except, it's his 134th

visit to a foreign country! It's a record! He's now

officially -- this is true -- our most traveled president

in history. It's a little suspicious. Perhaps validating

what I have been saying all along: President George W.

Bush either has a thirst for international knowledge or

is a drug mule." --Jon Stewart

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

He either has a thirst for international knowledge or he's a drug mule (quietly running the show as they see fit)

"President Bush left for the Olympic Games early, in an effort

to beat the traffic, landing in South Korea for a day of trade

talks. It seemed like just another ordinary trip for the president,

except, it's his 134th visit to a foreign country! It's a record!

He's now officially -- this is true -- our most traveled president

in history. It's a little suspicious. Perhaps validating what

I have been saying all along: President George W. Bush

either has a thirst for international knowledge or is

a drug mule." --Jon Stewart

President Bush has been speaking out about the Wall Street bailout. And today, a reporter asked him what he planned to do about AIG. Yeah. Bush got upset and said, 'Why does everyone always spell in front of me?'" --Conan O'Brien

"The new Republican-controlled House of Representative decided to start things off by reading the entire Constitution aloud. Then there was a break for lunch and a slave auction." –Jimmy Kimmel 1/6/2010

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

if there's one thing Bush is an expert on, it is ruining a country's economy (The Everything-Sold-at-Wal-Mart Tour)

"President Bush has issued a new warning to Iran that

it faces new economic sanctions, after reports by the

UN Atomic Watchdog Committee that Iran is still

enriching uranium. President Bush is promising

new economic sanctions. And believe me, if there's

one thing the president is an expert on, it is ruining

a country's economy." --Jay Leno

At one point, Charlie Gibson asked Sarah Palin about the Bush doctrine, but she didn't know what it was. But, you know, to be fair, even Bush doesn't know what the Bush doctrine is." --Jay Leno

"As you know, President Bush is on a week-long tour to Asia, where he’ll visit South Korea, Thailand and China or as the White House calls it, 'The Everything-Sold-at-Wal-Mart Tour.'" --Jay Leno

"Actually, it was kind of a smart choice to pick Sarah Palin. McCain went with a woman because he didn't want to have to be in a position to have to get CPR from Mitt Romney." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or as Lance Armstrong calls that, 'a Monday.' (everyone else is too scared to compete next to him)

July 2012

"The Olympics have just started and the Greeks are already 14 medals in debt." –Conan O'Brien

"Mitt Romney is getting a lot of attention for a series of gaffes he's made while he's in London. And in response, Romney said that he has nothing but respect for the people of England, especially their monarch, Queen Latifah." –Jimmy Fallon

"The favorite to win the Olympic gold medal in archery is a legally blind athlete from South Korea, mainly because everyone else is too scared to compete next to him." –Jimmy Fallon

"Officials at the London Olympics will be conducting 5,000 tests for steroids. Or as Lance Armstrong calls that, 'a Monday.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Next week, President Obama will celebrate his 51st birthday. Obama already got one really nice gift: Mitt Romney’s trip to London." –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Two crazy dictators in fashionable lady's glasses (that's Arnold Schwarzenegger's job)

October 2011

"The Occupy Wall Street protesters gathered outside Rupert Murdoch's house. Don’t protest outside of a rich man's house in the daytime, you'll just scare the maid, and that's Arnold Schwarzenegger's job." –Craig Ferguson

"Herman Cain said he wants people to know that there's more between his ears than pepperoni and pizza sauce. He says there's also a few napkins and crazy bread." –Conan O'Brien

"Tim Pawlenty says he regrets quitting the presidential race so early. He said that when he runs in 2016, his campaign slogan will be, 'Tim Pawlenty: This Time I'll Quit Later.'" –Conan O'Brien 

"Sarah Palin gave a speech in South Korea. Just what the Koreans needed: Two crazy dictators in fashionable lady's glasses." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Glad we have a Space Force instead of a Pandemic Response Team (victory in the Pacific with Chef Boyardee)

“Coronavirus has offered disheartening examples of failing leadership, but some are rising to the occasion: South Korea’s government took the threat seriously and handed control of the crisis to medical experts. South Africa’s president didn’t hesitate to shut down the country. And here in America, in the absence of leadership from the White House, governors from California to Ohio are stepping up to fill the void. Basically, what’s happening in America is whatever happens when a family has an alcoholic dad and the kids just have to raise themselves.” —Trevor Noah

“At his press conference, Trump praised his hair and solicited expertise from the CEO of MyPillow. It’s no surprise Trump would introduce the MyPillow guy at a presidential briefing – it’s a tradition going back to Harry Truman announcing victory in the Pacific with Chef Boyardee.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

the plan is to just have Mike Pence bore the virus to death (Wall Street Bailouts $12.8 Trillion)

“As coronavirus, also known as Covid-19, spreads, Wall Street is panicking. The Dow lost 2,000 points in the first three days this week, so Donald Trump held a press conference to reassure nervous investors. On Thursday, it bounced back by plunging almost 1200 points – the largest single-day drop in US history. America already has its first case of unknown origin, meaning it’s likely, according to medical experts, that there are people in the country unknowingly infected. Of course, during any health scare, it’s important to stay away from dangerous transmission vectors, in this case, mainly the internet, which is full of fake cures for coronavirus, such as boiled garlic or drinking bleach. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but don’t drink bleach. A) it’s bad for you, and B) it ruins the taste of the Tide Pods.” —Stephen Colbert

The coronavirus has spread to 52 countries on six continents, and various governments are taking serious measures: Spain’s Canary Islands quarantined hotels, South Korea suspended military drills and Saudi Arabia shut down entry into the country for those making the religious pilgrimage to Mecca. And they didn’t stop there – in an even more drastic move, Saudi Arabia said that women aren’t allowed to leave their homes starting 80 years ago.” —Trevor Noah

“Basically, the coronavirus is going after everybody, which is really scary, but also really woke. You don’t think about it, but the coronavirus is more diverse than the Oscars – everyone gets a chance. Less welcome is the news that Pence will be in charge of the response, although Noah argued it could be a stroke of genius: I know it seems ludicrous, but maybe the plan is to just have Mike Pence bore the virus to death.” ——Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The American version of it/Seth Rogen’s nightstand/a new favorite Bong

“That’s right, ‘Parasite’ is the first non-English speaking film to win best picture, though some Arnold Schwarzenegger movies come close.” —Jimmy Fallon

“‘Parasite’ — if you haven’t seen it you should, it’s very good — is a South Korean film that tells the story of a family who cons their way into a house they have no business living in and things go very wrong from there. The American version of it is called ‘The Trumps.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Anyway, move over large glass contraption on Seth Rogen’s nightstand. Hollywood has a new favorite Bong.” — Jimmy Kimmel, referring to Bong Joon Ho, director of “Parasite”

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

This from a guy whose running mate shot a buddy in the face (he can still duck a shoe)

"President Obama went to India, South Korea, then Japan. He’s going to keep traveling until he finds his birth certificate." –David Letterman

"George W. Bush's memoir is out today. And the guy is apparently quite candid, quite honest in the memoir. It's a big, big book. The problem is because of his economic policies nobody can afford to buy the book." –David Letterman

"But the guy, the president, he is still quick. Still very athletic. You know, he's a former cheerleader. I believe he is our only president who was a cheerleader. He proved today at a book signing that he can still duck a shoe." –David Letterman

"In the book Bush says that he lost respect for John McCain when he selected Sarah Palin as his running mate. This from a guy whose running mate shot a buddy in the face." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Make me a trillion copies (Voting Republican)

I heard that South Korea has stress cafes where people can go to take a break from their day, or as they are known here in America, bars. --Jimmy Fallon

Bob Woodward says Trump's plan to eliminate the federal debt was just to print more money. Before his staff could stop him, Trump ran to Kinko's with a $100 bill and said, "Make me a trillion copies." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”