We make absolutely no promise or guarantee that what we have is meats (Tickle-Me-Truman)

December 2022

“That’s right, you read that right. The ex-president of the United States, the ex-most powerful man in the world, has launched a line of trading cards. It’s Gropémon with Pikacoup. This is the least dignified attempt at post-presidential merchandising since the launch of Tickle-Me-Truman.” —Stephen Colbert

“He’s a business genius, jumping in on the NFT market when it’s at his hottest. Next, he’s releasing an exclusive line of rotary phones.” —Stephen Colbert

“The Trump cards allow you to collect all your favorite characters from the extended former president universe, because every card is him. There’s – and these are all real – him playing golf, him approving of gold, him wearing a hat that says Dow just like they do on Wall Street, and him stealing the torch from the Statue of Liberty.” —Stephen Colbert

“The fine print for the digital cards includes the line ‘you understand and agree that the NFTs have no inherent monetary value’. Solid. Reminds me of the Arby’s slogan: We make absolutely no promise or guarantee that what we have is meats.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the scale goes: incriminating, very incriminating, ridiculously incriminating and Rudy on merlot (doubled the minimum wage)

Donald Trump observed the holiday by visiting the National Museum of African American History, or more accurately, canceling his visit to the National Museum of African American History. Although I guess in a way that might be good. The last thing we need is Trump learning more about segregation. –Stephen Colbert

Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey is officially cutting down. Apparently, the circus doesn't think it could compete against a Trump presidency. –Stephen Colbert

"Yesterday, the House Intelligence Committee released materials that they got from Lev Parnas, a Ukrainian businessman, that have been described as ‘a trove of ridiculously incriminating impeachment evidence.’ That’s pretty bad, because when it comes to Trump crime, the scale goes: incriminating, very incriminating, ridiculously incriminating and Rudy on merlot.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Can you imagine being Ted Cruz and still wanting to know what people were saying about you online? (mullet combs)

March 2022

“Ted Cruz even outslimed himself at Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson’s Senate confirmation hearings this week. On Tuesday, you know, he singled out this children’s book called ‘Anti-Racist Baby’ for promoting critical race theory, which it actually doesn’t. He said the book teaches that babies are born racist, which it also doesn’t. And, as a result of Ted’s tirade, that book is now number one on Amazon — it’s the number one seller. It’s like the opposite of Oprah’s Book Club or something.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“And not only is the book selling well, since Cruz’s little grandstand, Amazon is also seeing a spike in sales of psoriasis medication, wart remover, nose hair trimmers, male Spanx, slug repellent and mullet combs.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“If you’re wondering what Ted Cruz was really focused on during the hearings, somebody got a shot of him on his phone searching for his own name on Twitter. How embarrassing. And can you imagine being Ted Cruz and still wanting to know what people were saying about you online?” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Donald Trump may have caught another lucky break, thanks to this newly elected and soon to be reviled all around the world district attorney Alvin Bragg. Bragg, recently sworn in as the Manhattan district attorney, abruptly stopped the pursuit of an indictment against the former president for financial crimes following a years-long investigation. The shift prompted the resignation of a senior prosecutor on the investigation, Mark Pomerantz, who said in a resignation letter that he believed Trump was ‘guilty of numerous felony violations’ and that it was 'a grave failure of justice' not to pursue charges. Pomerantz went on to say that prosecutors have evidence Trump falsified financial records - he falsified hurricane records, of course he falsified financial ones. He’d falsify Don Jr’s birth certificate if he thought he could get his name off of it. If they don’t move forward with the investigation, that means Trump has now been let off the hook by Congress twice, Robert Mueller once, he just won that case against Stormy Daniels – I’m starting to think the only one who can bring him to justice is the Batman.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'll be back right after Wheel of Fortune (the charges are being strongly denied by a recording of Beyonce)

January 2013

"There's a photo from the Inauguration in which Former President Bill Clinton appears to be checking out Kelly Clarkson. Clinton said, 'That's not true, I was checking out Beyonce and Kelly Clarkson got in the way.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Beyonce is remaining silent about charges that she lip-synched the national anthem. However, the charges are being strongly denied by a recording of Beyonce." –Conan O'Brien

"Steven Tyler defended Beyoncé after she lip-synced at President Obama's inauguration. Tyler said, "I know how she feels, I did the same thing at the Harry Truman Inauguration.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Arnold Schwarzenegger has signed on to a new 'Terminator' film. Due to his age, this one features the catchphrase, 'I'll be back right after 'Wheel of Fortune.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s in the chapter called 'You Might Want to Skip This' (somebody blocked the exit, and people panicked)

August 2011

"Yesterday a brawl broke out during a Joe Biden speech in China. Evidently, somebody blocked the exit, and people panicked." –Conan O'Brien

"The CEO of Starbucks said that President Obama shouldn’t be vacationing during a crisis, and that he should be getting Americans back to work — so they can afford a $9 cup of coffee." –Conan O'Brien

"The White House is pointing out that all presidents take vacation. Teddy Roosevelt took trips to Long Island, Harry Truman would go to Key West, and George Bush would go to Legoland." –Conan O'Brien

"Joe Lieberman has written a memoir in which he reveals why having sex with his wife on the Sabbath is so important to him. It’s in the chapter called 'You Might Want to Skip This.'" –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Glad we have a Space Force instead of a Pandemic Response Team (victory in the Pacific with Chef Boyardee)

“Coronavirus has offered disheartening examples of failing leadership, but some are rising to the occasion: South Korea’s government took the threat seriously and handed control of the crisis to medical experts. South Africa’s president didn’t hesitate to shut down the country. And here in America, in the absence of leadership from the White House, governors from California to Ohio are stepping up to fill the void. Basically, what’s happening in America is whatever happens when a family has an alcoholic dad and the kids just have to raise themselves.” —Trevor Noah

“At his press conference, Trump praised his hair and solicited expertise from the CEO of MyPillow. It’s no surprise Trump would introduce the MyPillow guy at a presidential briefing – it’s a tradition going back to Harry Truman announcing victory in the Pacific with Chef Boyardee.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

he was afraid he'd get really drunk and say something pro-semitic (still a great trick to weed out the Nancys)

"President Obama released his birth certificate today, proving once and for all that he was born in the United States. Yep, the certificate clearly shows that he was born on the all-American street of Kalanianaole Highway at the Kapiolani Hospital in Oahu." –Jimmy Fallon

"Donald Trump said he still wants to look more closely at Obama’s birth certificate to make sure that it’s real. Incidentally, President Obama said the same exact thing about Donald Trump’s hair." –Jimmy Fallon

"Earlier today, the president of Iran refused to attend a United Nations banquet because wine was being served. The Iranian president said he was afraid he'd get really drunk and say something pro-semitic." --Conan O'Brien

"At Yale, Bush was president of his fraternity. Few jobs provide more hands-on experience in robbing others of their dignity. In fact, his senior year marked the first time in history Amnesty International intervened in a pledge rush. My understanding is that when Yale banned tying pledges' genitals to bricks with a length of string, Bush came up with the idea of using cinder blocks instead -- still technically legal, still a great trick to weed out the Nancys." --John Oliver

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The Buck Stops Here (Let It Fail)

A number of cable networks including ESPN broadcast the hearing live, which wasn’t a surprise. You know, O.J. Simpson has been on TV longer than Homer Simpson. So he’s a big draw. –Jimmy Kimmel

President Trump said in a new interview that he had regrets about appointing Attorney General Jeff Sessions. Sessions said today that he will continue to serve as long as it is appropriate. So only until about 1955. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #FeeltheBern @justicedems @BrandNew535 #Bernie2020

George W. Bush would go to Legoland

"The White House is pointing out that all presidents take vacation. Teddy Roosevelt took trips to Long Island, Harry Truman would go to Key West, and George Bush would go to Legoland." –Conan O'Brien 

"They traced the epicenter of the earthquake to N.J. Governor Chis Christie’s aerobics class. No, to Kim Kardashian’s honeymoon suite. " –David Letterman



"Today Mitt Romney announced he’s building a $12-million beach house in California. There’s a man who can read the mood of the country." –David Letterman

John Hulse painting