“As coronavirus, also known as Covid-19, spreads, Wall Street is panicking. The Dow lost 2,000 points in the first three days this week, so Donald Trump held a press conference to reassure nervous investors. On Thursday, it bounced back by plunging almost 1200 points – the largest single-day drop in US history. America already has its first case of unknown origin, meaning it’s likely, according to medical experts, that there are people in the country unknowingly infected. Of course, during any health scare, it’s important to stay away from dangerous transmission vectors, in this case, mainly the internet, which is full of fake cures for coronavirus, such as boiled garlic or drinking bleach. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but don’t drink bleach. A) it’s bad for you, and B) it ruins the taste of the Tide Pods.” —Stephen Colbert
The coronavirus has spread to 52 countries on six continents, and various governments are taking serious measures: Spain’s Canary Islands quarantined hotels, South Korea suspended military drills and Saudi Arabia shut down entry into the country for those making the religious pilgrimage to Mecca. And they didn’t stop there – in an even more drastic move, Saudi Arabia said that women aren’t allowed to leave their homes starting 80 years ago.” —Trevor Noah
“Basically, the coronavirus is going after everybody, which is really scary, but also really woke. You don’t think about it, but the coronavirus is more diverse than the Oscars – everyone gets a chance. Less welcome is the news that Pence will be in charge of the response, although Noah argued it could be a stroke of genius: I know it seems ludicrous, but maybe the plan is to just have Mike Pence bore the virus to death.” ——Trevor Noah
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
