Are you a history book in Florida cos you just got burned? (Steamboat Willy Familiarises Himself with Maritime Law)

April 2023

“Mike Lindell, the founder of MyPillow, who had previously guaranteed $5 Million to anyone who could prove that data he alleged showed Chinese interference in the 2020 election was inaccurate. It was the easiest Maga contest since Prove Rudy Drippy and Prove Eric Sad Inside.” —Stephen Colbert

“Florida governor and potential presidential nominee Ron DeSantis is not only losing support, he’s getting publicly humiliated after he met with Republicans who were not impressed, particularly the Texas representative Lance Gooden who tweeted that he met him and is now endorsing Trump. Are you a history book in Florida cos you just got burned?” —Stephen Colbert

“Ron DeSantis continues to maintain his campaign promise to be 100% unlikable after extending his don’t say gay mandate to the 12th grade and now the only place to discuss anything to do with gender or sexuality would be in sex education with the angriest gym teacher. DeSantis continues to feud with Disney, stripping the company of more dispensations after it showed LGBTQ+ support and this week a North Carolina lawmaker proposed that the company move to his state instead. The bill was titled Mickey’s Freedom Restoration Act which was the title of the most boring Disney movie ever right after Steamboat Willy Familiarises Himself with Maritime Law.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

But at this point, I'd be willing to try President Roomba (Just Drive)

“During President Trump’s press briefing yesterday about the pandemic, he invited the founder of MyPillow to speak, at which point I used my pillow to scream into.” — Seth Meyers

“That’s right, the founder of MyPillow spoke at a coronavirus press briefing yesterday and encouraged Americans to use the time they’re self-isolating to read their Bibles. Oh, I don’t know — between the plague and the false idol next to you, I think the Bible is going to feel redundant.” — Seth Meyers

French President Emmanuel Macron said in a new interview that artificial intelligence could totally jeopardize democracy if left unchecked. But at this point, I'd be willing to try President Roomba. --Seth Meyers

A man in Australia reportedly returned to his car over the weekend to find a koala bear sitting in his back seat. Even weirder, when he got in, the bear said, "Just drive." --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

he needs to think of higher-paying jobs like being an art thief or being Beyoncé (he just closed the case himself)

November 2022

“Herschel Walker is running neck and neck with the incumbent Democrat Raphael Warnock in the Georgia Senate runoff. Republicans have been pulling out all the stops and Ted Cruz and Lindsey Graham have spent more time with him than he spent with all of his children combined.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Mike Lindell, the MyPillow chief who has thrown his tin foil hat into the ring to become the new head of the RNC but who has the tendency to make big announcements that never pan out. You do have to admire his crack-headed optimism, but he is being sued for $1.3 Billion by Dominion and is almost certainly gonna lose so he needs to think of higher-paying jobs like being an art thief or being Beyoncé.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Donald Trump is bigly upset about the investigation into classified documents he took and his part in the January 6th insurrection and is blaming special counsel Jack Smith in a recent online rant. In the same rant, though, he also admitted to taking the documents ‘openly and transparently’. This isn’t a defense, it’s a confession, and maybe we don’t need a special counsel – he just closed the case himself.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I look like Gigi freaking Hadid over here! (He would’ve humped a hole right through his MyPillow)

September 2022

“There is a video which appeared to show GOP election officials in Coffee county, Georgia, allowing men hired by Trump lawyer and election denier Sidney Powell to tour election headquarters. I know we do this every day, but just stop for a moment and imagine that video had been a group of Joe Biden operatives breaching election security, going into areas they’re not supposed to be, and then physically opening and manipulating the voting equipment itself. Imagine what the reaction in Magaland would be – Mike Lindell would’ve humped a hole right through his MyPillow.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The Chief Operating Officer of Beyond Meat was just arrested for a really strange reason. He is facing charges for biting a man’s nose after a football game in Arkansas. And in a blind taste test, he said he couldn’t tell the difference between a nose and a Beyond Meat nose.” —Jimmy Fallon

“I heard that the latest Gen Z fashion trend is wearing jeans with a button undone. Which means after Thanksgiving dinner, every uncle is going to be like, ‘Oh, I look like Gigi freaking Hadid over here!’” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I'm going on a fancy plane ride tomorrow, wanna pay for it? (And for that, I commend them)

“There are numerous sprawling investigations into Donald Trump, including evidence that his 2020 election defense fund actually financed dozens of rallies, staff salaries and travel expenses. Although let me stress: I think most people who would donate money to Trump would do it no matter what he said it was for. I don’t know why he opened himself up to criminal liability by lying and saying it was for a legal fund, when he could’ve just raised as much from telling his supporters, ‘I’m upset, and the only thing that cheers me up is money.’ Or, ‘going on a fancy plane ride tomorrow, wanna pay for it?’” —Seth Meyers

MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell’s phone was seized by the FBI at a Hardee’s drive-thru in Mankato, Minnesota. I have so many questions about this. Was the FBI following him? Or did they just say, you know what, eventually he’s going to go to Hardee’s, we’ll just wait here. I have a feeling the FBI followed him around for a few days and finally stopped him in the place that would make the funniest headline, which was Hardee’s. And for that, I commend them.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I could only hear my own thoughts in the voice of MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell (That’s where we’re at now)

November 2021

“Republicans and Fox News pundits are misleading Americans on the state of the economy. These people are willing to lie so brazenly and shamelessly about anything. There’s no doubt that there are serious issues, between inflation and the supply chain crisis, but last night Fox host Laura Ingraham tried to compare the economic records of Trump and Biden in the most deceptive way possible with a graphic that blamed Biden for the fact that 3 million fewer Americans were working in October 2021 compared with when Trump was president in December 2019. Huh, I can’t remember, did anything major happen between those two numbers? I’m sorry if I was a little foggy, I was trapped in an attic for a few months wiping down doorknobs with Lysol and hoarding the last scraps of toilet paper I could buy off the black market while slowly descending into a madness so fully encompassing that for long stretches of time, I could only hear my own thoughts in the voice of MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell.” —Seth Meyers

“Not only are Republicans and Fox News lying about the economy, they’re also so fundamentally opposed to addressing those issues or even having a functioning government that they’re now threatening to purge any members from their ranks who voted for Biden’s infrastructure bill. Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene, for example, called the 13 representatives who voted for the bill ‘traitors’, while the former White House chief of staff Mark Meadows said they should be stripped of their committee assignments. That’s where we’re at now, keeping roads and bridges from falling apart is considered giving Democrats a win, instead of something good for the country.” —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

To Kill a Mockingbird by Giving It Medical Advice from Facebook (telling lies next to a dildo shop)

August 2021

“This week, MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell held a livestreamed cybersymposium, for which he hired a cyber expert ‘red team’ and gave them what he said was 37 terabytes of irrefutable evidence that hackers broke into election systems using intercepted ‘packet captures.’ ‘Packet captures,’ of course, is a technical term that you might know by their street name, ‘pillow cases.’” —Stephen Colbert

“On top of that, Rudy Giuliani’s law license in Washington was suspended, and he was suspended from practicing law in New York due to ‘demonstrably false and misleading’ statements about the election — which means he’s cut off from his previous source of income: telling lies next to a dildo shop.” —Stephen Colbert

“Meanwhile, when it comes to Covid, the news should be R-rated for ‘Are we ever going to get out of this? Coronavirus case numbers have risen dramatically in the south, a region with some of the lowest vaccination rates in the country. You can read all about it in the classic southern novel To Kill a Mockingbird by Giving It Medical Advice from Facebook.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

side by side in a California king surrounded by sacks of goose feathers (on a public access channel and crack)

April 2021

“Mike Lindell, the founder of MyPillow, launched his own social media platform on Monday with a livestream set to last 48 hours. He’s been going nonstop since 7 o’clock this morning. In 17 hours, he’s taken maybe two breaths. At one point he claimed they had 75 million people watching. Even Trump was like, ‘Oh, please, quit exaggerating.’” —Jimmy Kimmel

“It’s like the Jerry Lewis telethon if Jerry was on a public access channel and crack.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Of course I would have Mike Lindell on our show, under two conditions. Number one, he has to actually come into our studio — I need to see him in person. I want to smell the knackwurst in his mustache. And number two, I would like to conduct our interview in a bed, surrounded by pillows. Just me and Mike snuggled up side by side in a California king surrounded by sacks of goose feathers.” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Because this guy looks like he hasn’t slept in a year (Nice day for a revolution)

February 2021

“But you see, that’s the power of the courts right there, because Mike Lindell tried to stage a coup and Newsmax was fine with inviting him on. But the second he started saying [expletive] that was going to get them sued, all of a sudden they were like, ‘No, no, no, no, my man. Overthrowing the government is one thing, but a lawsuit? That [expletive]’s serious.’ And keep in mind, this is Newsmax we’re talking about. Remember, Newsmax is like Fox News after it stopped taking its meds. But at least for a minute, Dominion managed to sue them into behaving like actual journalists.” — Trevor Noah

“Yesterday, Lindell went on right-wing, news-free news channel Newsmax, which used to be all-in on the Dominion lie, but since receiving a letter from Dominion’s flesh-eating attorneys, has disavowed that, because according to their statement, ‘We here at Newsmax are committed to keeping some of our money.’” —Stephen Colbert

“Also, I’ve got to ask: Does MyPillow actually work? Because this guy looks like he hasn’t slept in a year.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And now we know the answer: not really. Just barely (When they go low, we go J. Lo)

January 2021

“After four years of struggling just to slow down Trump’s malicious agenda, Democrats are in an unimaginable position: We can finally do things that help people.” —Samantha Bee

“To paraphrase Michelle Obama, ‘When they go low, we go J. Lo’ — and we did.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Today this country showed the world that there is no MyPillow large enough to smother our democracy.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“You know, I remember going back to the day Donald Trump was inaugurated, such a terrible day, and wondering, can our country even survive four years of this? And now we know the answer: not really. Just barely.” —Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Seriously, get out of there. You’re doing a terrible job (the incubation room)

“The White House ordered West Wing staff members to wear masks on Monday after a military valet and Katie Miller, a spokeswoman for Mike Pence and the wife of the presidential adviser Stephen Miller, tested positive for Covid-19. Although Trump, Pence, and senior members of their administration have declined to isolate themselves, Dr. Anthony Fauci and two other top administration health officials decided to self-quarantine for the next two weeks. Mr. President, the virus is calling from inside the house — get out of there! Seriously, get out of there. You’re doing a terrible job.” —Stephen Colbert

“No, Dr. Fauci, don’t self-quarantine, we need you. If you’re not around, all the health decisions are going to be made by Jared Kushner, the MyPillow guy, and William Barr in a sexy nurse costume.” —Stephen Colbert

“This is super serious. Katie Miller has attended nearly all of the White House coronavirus task force meetings in the situation room, which they’ve now temporarily rechristened ‘the incubation room.’” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Floridians are being asked to take shelter in their meth labs (the Bible is going to feel redundant)

“During President Trump’s press briefing yesterday about the pandemic, he invited the founder of MyPillow to speak, at which point I used my pillow to scream into.” — Seth Meyers

“The governor of Florida today issued a long-overdue, statewide stay-at-home order. Floridians are being asked to take shelter in their meth labs.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“Hey, look at the bright side, Florida — if you stay home, you can really get to know your iguana.” — Jimmy Kimmel

“That’s right, the founder of MyPillow spoke at a coronavirus press briefing yesterday and encouraged Americans to use the time they’re self-isolating to read their Bibles. Oh, I don’t know — between the plague and the false idol next to you, I think the Bible is going to feel redundant.” — Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Glad we have a Space Force instead of a Pandemic Response Team (victory in the Pacific with Chef Boyardee)

“Coronavirus has offered disheartening examples of failing leadership, but some are rising to the occasion: South Korea’s government took the threat seriously and handed control of the crisis to medical experts. South Africa’s president didn’t hesitate to shut down the country. And here in America, in the absence of leadership from the White House, governors from California to Ohio are stepping up to fill the void. Basically, what’s happening in America is whatever happens when a family has an alcoholic dad and the kids just have to raise themselves.” —Trevor Noah

“At his press conference, Trump praised his hair and solicited expertise from the CEO of MyPillow. It’s no surprise Trump would introduce the MyPillow guy at a presidential briefing – it’s a tradition going back to Harry Truman announcing victory in the Pacific with Chef Boyardee.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”