She hiked so far into the woods, she’s now living with Bran Stark (Not us! said the New York Giants)

"A flight headed from San Francisco to Phoenix had to make an emergency landing in L.A. today after a passenger gave birth midflight. The parents called the birth a miracle while the airline called it a second carry-on." –Seth Meyers

Donald Trump was named Time magazine’s 2016 Person of the Year this morning. While Hillary Clinton was named runner-up. And when she heard, Hillary hiked so far into the woods, she’s now living with Bran Stark. –Seth Meyers

According to a new poll, 71 percent of American men believe they face pressure to act interested in sports. “Not us!” said the New York Giants. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

most of his words are slurs (fake chews)

Towards the end of the speech on Israel today, President Trump began to slur his words, leading some to speculate that he may have been wearing dentures. But the White House insists that it's nothing unusual and that most of his words are slurs. –Seth Meyers

I can't believe both our first and our last president had fake teeth. Or as Trump calls dentures, "fake chews." –Seth Meyers

According to a new poll, 71 percent of American men believe they face pressure to act interested in sports. “Not us!” said the New York Giants. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Of two evils, choose neither (Now I’m good at everything)

There is a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I love that name Futon World. It makes me think of a magical place that becomes less comfortable over time. --Demetri Martin

My computer beat me a chess but then I beat him at kickboxing. --Demetri Martin

I think batteries are the most traumatic objects of all the objects. Because other things they stop working or they break. The batteries? They die. “Why aren’t you using your walkman?” I can't, my batteries died in my lap this morning. The twins are gone.  --Demetri Martin

I used to compete in sports a lot but then I realized that you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything. --Demetri Martin

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Do you think the moron bought it? (Theriously?)

The third movie in the “Thor” series is going to be called “Thor: Ragnarok.” Mainly because calling it “Thor Three” would give everyone a speech impediment. "Theriously?" –Jimmy Fallon

But after it came out that Secretary of State Rex Tillerson called President Trump a "moron," Tillerson held a press conference and called the president "smart." Then he said, "Do you think the moron bought it?" –Jimmy Fallon

Scientists have invented a way for you to change channels on your TV with gestures. Yeah, it’s great for people who like watching sports completely still. “Wow! What a catch — nobody move! Oh, now we’re watching Lifetime.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Man, I’m not good at a lot of things vs Now I’m good at everything! (a magical place that becomes less comfortable over time)

There is a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I love that name Futon World. It makes me think of a magical place that becomes less comfortable over time. --Demetri Martin

I was on the train and I heard this guy say to his friend, “Man I'm really good at checkers.” Which is the same as saying, “Man, I’m not good at a lot of things.” --Demetri Martin

My computer beat me a chess but then I beat him at kickboxing. --Demetri Martin

I used to compete in sports a lot but then I realized that you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything. --Demetri Martin

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I can't, my batteries died in my lap this morning. The twins are gone (Now I’m good at everything)

My computer beat me a chess but then I beat him at kickboxing. --Demetri Martin

I think batteries are the most traumatic objects of all the objects. Because other things they stop working or they break. The batteries? They die. “Why aren’t you using your walkman?” I can't, my batteries died in my lap this morning. The twins are gone.  --Demetri Martin

I used to compete in sports a lot but then I realized that you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything. --Demetri Martin

I saw a sign that said watch for children, and I thought that sounds like a fair trade.  --Demetri Martin

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”