The raptures were the scariest part of Jurassic Park (it's horrible when anyone loses their memory)

"I don't want to say President Bush's approval rating is dropping, but I understand there's a sign outside of Crawford, Texas, that now says, 'Home of Cindy Sheehan.'" --Jay Leno

"A lot of people are very nervous about this whole Rapture thing, though a lot of people didn't understand it. For instance, Sarah Palin said, 'The raptures were the scariest part of 'Jurassic Park.'" –Jay Leno

"I don't think President Bush fully understands this immigration thing. Like today, when they asked him about amnesty, he said it's horrible when anyone loses their memory." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This will mark the first time in history anyone has ever fought to stay in Detroit (We're now down to the final four)

"We're now down to the final four. Not college basketball. The

number of people who still think President Bush is doing a good

job." --Jay Leno

"In Washington President Bush came out of the white house and saw his shadow...Cindy Sheehan." --Jay Leno

 

"It is getting nasty among the Democrats. I guess some Clinton staffers released a photo of Barack Obama wearing a turban during his trip to Africa in 2006. It was the local traditional clothing, but they hoped it would reflect badly on Barack. Show the picture [on screen: photo of Obama wearing a traditional Somali dress]. Well, in response, the Obama campaign leaked a photo of Hillary in her traditional garb. Did you see that? Can we show that photo? [on screen: picture of the Wicked Witch of the West]." --Jay Leno

"Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm, she's trying to schedule a hearing to remove Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick from office, but Kilpatrick is fighting it. This is historic: this will mark the first time in history anyone has ever fought to stay in Detroit." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Not that there’s anything wrong with that (Bush's shadow)

"California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's campaign is several hundred thousand dollars in debt. So it looks like there will be a 'Terminator 4.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush said that the American people are  addicted to oil. To which Vice President Dick Cheney said, 'Not that there’s anything wrong with that.'" --Jay Leno

"Do you believe we are addicted to oil? So basically when we invaded Iraq, we didn’t really mean anything, it was just the oil talking. We were under the influence of oil at the time. We just need a 12 step program and we could get out of Iraq." --Jay Leno

"In Washington President Bush came out of the white house and saw his shadow...Cindy Sheehan." --Jay Leno

WE were 100% sure it was Saddam's fault (Cheney was trying to hit Cindy Sheehan)

"Dick Cheney gave an interview to Fox News. I don't want to say Fox News was lenient, but the first question they asked was, 'Who do you like in American Idol?'" --Jay Leno

"Over the weekend while on a hunting trip down in Texas, Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a member of his hunting party. He apologized. In fact, he told Brit Hume that he was actually trying to hit Cindy Sheehan." --Jay Leno

"Cheney now says he can't blame the shooting on the guy who got shot. He said we tried that for three days. It didn't work." --Jay Leno

President Bush's approval rating is dropping (Home of Cindy Sheehan)

"According to a poll in Health Magazine, more Americans said they'd rather have Bill Clinton as their father than President Bush. Well sure, with Clinton you get away with a lot more, don't you think? 'Look, I won't mention you coming home late, if you don't mention me coming home late.'" --Jay Leno

"Since the bombing began, Israel has tried to make it clear Hezbollah and Syria are to blame for Lebanon's current nightmare. To that end, Israeli warplanes have dropped thousands of leaflets on Beirut over the last few days showing a caricature of Hezbollah chief Hassan Nasrallah as a cobra threatening the Lebanese capital. And really, what a great idea, because if there's anything that calms the Arab world down, it's a cartoon." --Jon Stewart

"I don't want to say President Bush's approval rating is dropping, but I understand there's a sign outside of Crawford, Texas, that now says, 'Home of Cindy Sheehan.'" --Jay Leno

Bill Murray Knows It's Monday, but...

"I don't want to say President Bush's approval rating is dropping, but I understand there's a sign outside of Crawford, Texas, that now says, 'Home of Cindy Sheehan.'" --Jay Leno

"CNN, to mark the fifth anniversary of 9/11, is going to be re-playing their original coverage of that day. Let's just hope that President Bush doesn't tune in and go, 'Oh my God, they've done it again!'" --Bill Maher

"We won the Miss Universe pageant. Meet Miss Puerto Rico, or as I call her, Miss 'U.S.A.'s Territory with Commonwealth Status' Puerto Rico. She is so beautiful, you almost want to let her vote in federal elections." --Stephen Colbert

"President Bush said he's often asked why we are in Iraq when Saddam Hussein isn't responsible for 9/11. Bush said all his responses are the same -- 'Dad, quit asking me that.'" --Jay Leno

Give War a Chance (digging a well in Burundi)

"Cuban doctors said today that Fidel Castro is recovering and is in better shape than the next guy. Assuming the next guy is Dick Cheney." --Jay Leno

"President Bush had his annual physical this week. Doctors said that the president is in excellent shape. The country has gone to hell. But he's in good shape." --Jay Leno

"Another good thing war is good for: Peace. This year the Peace Corps accepted 7,810 volunteers--the largest number in 30 years. That's great news. The Peace Corps identifies people who hate America, then ships them overseas. Hard to camp out with Cindy Sheehan when you're digging a well in Burundi." --Stephen Colbert

just couldn't take any more of the pro-Bush stories (Home of Cindy Sheehan)

"I don't want to say President Bush's approval rating is dropping, but I understand there's a sign outside of Crawford, Texas, that now says, 'Home of Cindy Sheehan.'" --Jay Leno

"Anyone been traveling? It's a nightmare. We still have those travel advisories. If you're traveling, you can't carry deoderant, shaving cream, hair gel, perfume. Have you been to LAX? Everybody looks like Nick Nolte now." --Jay Leno

"There's a hurricane watch for tropical storm Ernesto. Let me tell you something. These hurricanes are getting smart. They know a Hispanic hurricane has a better chance of getting into the country." --Jay Leno

"This is finally a happy story in the Middle East. In the Gaza strip, Palestinian militants released those two Fox News journalists. They were released unharmed. The Palestinians said they just couldn't take any more of the pro-Bush stories." --Jay Leno