He once experienced the same thing in the Oval Office (Know Your Enemy)

"President Bush made a surprise visit to Iraq today. It lasted five hours. Five hours? That's longer than he stayed at any National Guard meetings." --Jay Leno

"Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld said al-Zarqawi was 'mean, vicious, and hateful.' So you know what that means? Ann Coulter could be next." --Jay Leno

 

"Dick Cheney is currently vacationing in Wyoming this week. I understand today he shot an elk. He also shot two Shriners, a Jaycee and a Moose." --Jay Leno

"Chris Wallace was really taken aback. He was stunned. He talked about it afterwards. He said at one point, when Bill Clinton lunged at him, he felt like a mountain was coming down in front of him. Ironically, Clinton once experienced the same thing in the Oval Office." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He welcomed them like they weren’t his fifth grandchild (it’s an effort to better identify with CNN’s audience)

Chris Wallace is leaving CNN. Wallace says it’s an effort to better identify with CNN’s audience. —Greg Gutfeld

Four years ago Joe Biden made Kamala Harris the Border Czar. And when she did nothing, the legacy media insisted she was never the Border Czar, as if we were the ones with dementia. —Greg Gutfeld

Millions of illegal aliens flooded our southern border over the past four years because Joe Biden welcomed them like they weren’t his fifth grandchild. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

"Super!" said Hillary and Donald at the same time (And he hates going to plays)

Fox News anchor Chris Wallace, who will be moderator for the final presidential debate of election season, said in an interview this week that he doesn't feel it's his job to call out the candidates when they lie. "Super!" said Hillary and Donald at the same time. –Seth Meyers

A Pennsylvania rapper who has a song called “Sell Drugz” was arrested this week for allegedly selling narcotics. Even worse, his attorney has a song called “Lose Cases.” –Seth Meyers

During the same rally President Trump claimed that he could be more presidential than any president in history, quote, "Except for possibly Abe Lincoln with the big hat." Oh, right. That Abe Lincoln. Are you at a campaign rally or Show and Tell? "This is my Abe Lincoln. He has a really big hat. And he hates going to plays." --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Wait, what was the question? (Jeb is the slow one)

A new report claims that William Shakespeare was a marijuana user and may have been high when he wrote some of his plays. Which explains that one line: “To be, or not to be . . . Wait, what was the question?” –Jimmy Fallon

In a recent interview, Jeb Bush revealed that his brother George gave him the nickname “tortoise” because he's making slow, steady progress. Though I think the bigger story here is that compared to George, Jeb is the slow one. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

"Super!" said Hillary and Donald at the same time (and I have to say, it smells it)

New York City turned 352 years old yesterday, and I have to say, it smells it. –Seth Meyers

Sen. Ted Cruz's Twitter account last night liked a pornographic video about a woman who finds a couple having sex on her couch. "Ew, gross," said the porn stars after hearing that Ted Cruz watched them. –Seth Meyers

Fox News anchor Chris Wallace, who will be moderator for the final presidential debate of election season, said in an interview this week that he doesn't feel it's his job to call out the candidates when they lie. "Super!" said Hillary and Donald at the same time. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Incidentally, that’s also part of the Republican healthcare plan (The Mittuation)

"A source close to Mitt Romney revealed that he gets a spray tan before major campaign events. I guess that explains his new Secret Service code name: 'The Mittuation.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Sarah Palin visited Israel. She says she likes all religions, 'whether they celebrate Christmas or Jewish.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Meanwhile, Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch started his confirmation hearings this week, and he said that he has his law students think about their legacies by having them write an obituary about themselves. Yeah. Incidentally, that’s also part of the Republican healthcare plan. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Nothing to see here folks (And stay-at-home dads would immediately be fired)

And finally, according to a new survey, stay-at-home moms would make an estimated salary of over $160,000 for their work, based on the salaries of other professional jobs. And stay-at-home dads would immediately be fired. --Seth Meyers

A group in Colorado has set a new world record for largest sticker ball after combining enough decals to create a nearly 9 foot wide 232 pound ball which proves one thing: Weed is definitely legal in Colorado. –Seth Meyers

According to the White House press pool, President Trump spent approximately two minutes at the Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial today before returning to the White House. And it's not a good look when you give Martin Luther King the same amount of time you gave Stormy Daniels. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Horse paste and gun! Argle Bargle! Argle Bargle! (your last meal on death row)

December 2021

“It has been a crazy and bewildering year, a year of political chaos, an attempted coup, extreme weather events and the continual bottoming-out of rightwing media. Things have gone so off the rails at Fox, that even Chris Wallace, one of Fox News’s veteran broadcast journalists, announced this weekend that he would leave the network for CNN+ after 18 years. 

It’s the end of an era, but luckily Fox has already filled the time slot with the flaming Christmas tree. Wallace, the network’s most decorated down-the-middle journalists, was one of the few anchors at the network willing to ask difficult questions. There goes Fox News’s last shred of credibility. Now they have to change their slogan from ‘Fair and Balanced’ to ‘Horse paste and gun! Argle Bargle! Argle Bargle!’ 

Wallace hosted his last episode of Fox News Sunday this weekend, with his final guest being Senator Lindsey Graham of South Carolina. Wow, what a way to go out. That’s like being able to request anything as your last meal on death row and ordering an interview with Lindsey Graham.” —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

Sadly, testing positive for Covid was the only positive thing he did in four years as president (Dewey decimal system)

December 2021

“In his new book, Mark Meadows, former President Donald Trump’s chief of staff, wrote that Trump tested positive for the coronavirus before his first debate with Joe Biden in 2020. Sadly, testing positive for Covid was the only positive thing he did in four years as president.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Meadows wrote that when he informed Trump he’d tested positive, Trump replied, ‘Oh, [expletive], you gotta be [expletive] kidding me,’ which is what most of us said when he was elected president.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Fox should not have let him debate. Joe Biden is 143 years old. The debate moderator, Chris Wallace, is no spring chicken, either. He said they were relying on the honor system, which, you’re relying on the honor system with Donald Trump? You might as well rely on the Dewey decimal system.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“The honor system? How can you rely on the honor system when you know he doesn’t have any? That’s like meeting with Vladimir Putin and relying on the shirt system.” —Stephen Colbert

“Have you met Donald Trump? ‘Do you promise you’re negative, guy who ran a fake university?’” —Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s an election, not the results of a Covid test (the last place man would look)

August 2020

“After his disastrous Axios interview, Trump cocooned himself with the weighted blanket that is Fox & Friends. The return to his beloved softball morning show after Axios and another widely mocked interview with Fox News’s Chris Wallace demonstrated how Trump basically tried dating other shows then ended up back with his ex. The 53-minute ramble to Fox & Friends went pretty much how you’d expect, – at one point, Trump tried to instill fear over mail-in voting for the November election, claiming such a practice would delay results for ‘months and months, actually could be for years’. Months or years? It’s an election, not the results of a Covid test.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Yeah, Trump was like, ‘It’s going to take a while. Imagine the time it takes me to walk down a ramp — now double that.” —Jimmy Fallon

“The Fox & Friends interview also asked Trump about reports that he’s considered giving his acceptance speech for the Republican presidential ticket from the White House instead of the convention in Florida; Trump said such a decision would be ‘easiest from the standpoint of security’ in a ‘beautiful setting’ where he’s spent a lot of time. No mention of coronavirus. Basically, Trump’s message is: Nobody should worry about the virus. Anyway, totally unrelated, I’ll be giving my speech from home.” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When I over-water one of my plants the economy stays open and Americans can still travel to Canada (Get some help)

July 2020

“The Chris Wallace interview is further evidence that we have a pudding-brained informercial salesman who’s more interested in what happens to a dead Confederate general than a living middle school teacher. Trump is trying to convince that statues and graffiti are more important than a pandemic that’s caused massive suffering. As for Trump’s boast about his cognitive test, I don’t know what’s more alarming: that Trump even had to take this test in the first place, or how proud he is with how he did. It’s possible this is the first test he ever passed that he took himself. He probably paid an MIT student to come with him but then when he saw how easy it was, sent him home.” —Seth Meyers

“When asked yesterday about his statements that downplay the severity of the coronavirus, President Trump said, quote, ‘I guess everybody makes mistakes.’ Yeah, but there are mistakes, and then there are mistakes. When I over-water one of my plants the economy stays open and Americans can still travel to Canada.” —Seth Meyers

“Some experts called it a fiasco, while others called it a debacle. I’m not saying it was bad, but by the end of it, Kanye was calling for Trump to get some help.” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

two things right there that Trump absolutely hates (they should have asked him to identify his second daughter)

July 2020

“Chris Wallace did two things right there that Trump absolutely hates: He proved him wrong, and he made him do homework.” —Trevor Noah

“Wow, guys, this is sort of making me sad right now, because Trump is trying so hard to claim he’s a genius because he passed a test where you have to identify an elephant. Which, let’s be honest, even for Trump, is too easy. I mean, if they wanted to test Trump, they shouldn’t have asked him to identify an elephant — they should have asked him to identify his second daughter.” —Trevor Noah

“There’s a giant middle ground between naming bases after Confederate generals and naming them after Al Sharpton. I mean, America has had lots of non-Confederate generals. And Trump should know that — he’s fired a lot of them.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

two beautiful world wars/masterclass/giving the rich bigger meals

July 2020

“There were several disturbing clips from Trump’s White House interview with Chris Wallace, ‘the only reporter at Fox News who isn’t trying to become the next press secretary’, in what was pretty much a masterclass in how not to let Trump get away with his usual bullshit. 

For example, at one point, Trump claimed the Democratic presidential candidate Joe Biden wants to defund the police as a campaign platform, though there’s no evidence for that; when pressed by Wallace to show him the language in Biden’s platform, Trump sputters. 

Oh man, I don’t care how many times I watch it: it is priceless seeing Trump flail around, trying to find a fact that he made up. Later, when asked about renaming military bases named after Confederate generals – a bipartisan effort in Congress – Trump attempted to deflect with the bases’ roles in America’s ‘two beautiful world wars’. 

OK, I’m sorry, what? Two ‘beautiful’ world wars? This dude really can objectify anything. That is such a dumb thing to say that they didn’t even think to put it on the cognitive test.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

America’s coronavirus mortality rate (He got that stat … out of his a**)

July 2020

“At one point, during the Chris Wallace interview he asked Trump about America’s coronavirus mortality rate, which is higher than similarly large countries such as Brazil and Russia, Trump demanded an assistant deliver a chart, looked at it for half a second and declared: ‘No 1 low mortality rate.’ Wow, that’s an impressive stat. It’s also completely wrong. Can we see Trump’s source for that? Kayleigh? Where did Trump get that? He got that stat … out of his ass.” —Stephen Colbert

“The interview got really sad, when Trump continued to brag about passing a cognitive test, which is not impressive because it checks for things like brain damage. It’s chilling to see the most powerful man in the world bragging that he passed a test they give to people to find out whether they should be allowed to take the bus by themselves. —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I think that's an insult to the fine folks at Kellogg's (stoning himself/Reply All)

June 2011

"Anthony Weiner is reportedly involved in choosing his successor. The first question he asked his potential replacements is, 'What's the difference between 'reply' and 'reply all?'' –Conan O'Brien

"A senior al-Qaida leader was arrested in Afghanistan and he was disguised as a woman. Police became suspicious after he was seen stoning himself." –Conan O'Brien

"Chris Wallace at Fox News asked Michele Bachmann if she is a flake. I think that's an insult to the fine folks at Kellogg's." –David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And then Putin tried to get Wallace to "Smell this cloth." (Adolf the Wolf)

President Trump said today that he misspoke during a summit with Vladimir Putin, blaming the confusion on a double negative. And Trump's an expert on double negatives [photo of Eric and Donald Jr.] because he made one. --Seth Meyers

During an interview with Vladimir Putin yesterday, Fox News host Chris Wallace tried to give Putin a copy of the indictments of 12 Russian nationals for meddling in the election. And then Putin tried to get Wallace to "Smell this cloth." --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

For instance, every time I replace the word 'hope' with 'sodomy,' oh, that is a PR nightmare (this sucker could go down)

President Bush spoke about the Wall Street bailout yesterday, and he said, this is the quote, 'if the money isn't loosened up, this sucker could go down.' So folks, if we know nothing else at this point, at least we know that President Bush is writing his own speeches." --Conan O'Brien

"Now, the highlight for many people last night was Michelle Obama's speech. Listen to the liberal media rave [on screen: Fox News' Chris Wallace and ex-White House adviser David Gergen praising the speech, which New York Times' David Brooks says no one could 'have a heart of stone' about]. Really? Did you see this? [on screen: Weekly Standard's Bill Kristol saying he found the speech 'generic')]. To be fair, Bill Kristol does not actually have a heart of stone. He has a heart made of Dick Cheney's discarded heart parts. Fortunately, Kristol was not the only commentator who saw through Michelle Obama's facade of warmth, competence and likability. So did Fox News's Megan Kelly [on screen: Kelly interviewing Howard Wolfson over Obama's speech, if you replace her use of the word 'world' with 'country'']. Exactly. Whenever I replace words in Michelle Obama's speech with other words, I am very offended. For instance, every time I replace the word 'hope' with 'sodomy,' oh, that is a PR nightmare." --Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

No need to call now, your phones have already been tapped (greatest hits)

"But that was just the start. Chris Wallace got Karl Rove's Sunday morning talk show tour going [on screen: FNC's Wallace saying, 'Let's take a look at some of Karl Rove's greatest hits']. Ohh, I just bought that on K-Tel! 'Karl Rove's Greatest Hits,' including 'John McCain's Black Baby,' 'Max Cleland: The One-Limbed Pussy,' 'The Queers Are Coming,' and, of course, 'Schiavo-A-Go-Go.' No need to call now, your phones have already been tapped." --Jon Stewart

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

every time I replace the word 'hope' with 'sodomy,' oh, that is a PR nightmare

      

News' Chris Wallace and ex-White House adviser David Gergen praising the speech, which New York Times' David Brooks says no one could 'have a heart of stone' about]. Really? Did you see this? 

[on screen: Weekly Standard's Bill Kristol saying he found the speech 'generic')]. 

To be fair, Bill Kristol does not actually have a heart of stone. He has a heart made of Dick Cheney's discarded heart parts. Fortunately, Kristol was not the only commentator who saw through Michelle Obama's facade of warmth, competence and likability. 

So did Fox News's Megan Kelly. 

[on screen: Kelly interviewing Howard Wolfson over Obama's speech, if you replace her use of the word 'world' with 'country'']. 

Exactly. Whenever I replace words in Michelle Obama's speech with other words, I am very offended. For instance, every time I replace the word 'hope' with 'sodomy,' oh, that is a PR nightmare." --Stephen Colbert

      

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

I'm sorry, Bob, continue with your question (old joke about the nun who...)

    

"Last night we were discussing the presidential campaign. Of course, Hillary Clinton remains the solid frontrunner for the Democrats. A lot of voters though feel she can be a bit distant, calculated, some type of synthetic being that cries Mercury. 

Well, this weekend, Hillary Clinton appeared on all five Sunday morning news shows determined to showcase her humanity. And what is humanity's humanist humaninity? [on screen: various clips showing HRC laughing]. Ha ha ha ha. I'm joyful. Was this laughter spontaneous? 

In some instances, it did seem justified [on screen: HRC laughing when asked by FNC's Chris Wallace, 'Why do you and the president have such a hyperpartisan view of politics?'] Okay, I get that. You're on Fox News and they just asked you why you're so partisan. That's funny. 

But in other cases [on screen: HRC laughing at CBS' Bob Schieffer when he tells her GOPers are calling her health care plan 'socialized medicine']. 

I'm sorry, it's just the phrase 'socialized medicine' reference got me thinking about the old joke about the nun who tells St. Peter she won't gargle if Sister Mary Katherine's going to put her ass in the ... Anyway, I'm sorry, Bob, continue with your question." --Jon Stewart

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans