Incidentally, that’s also part of the Republican healthcare plan (The Mittuation)

"A source close to Mitt Romney revealed that he gets a spray tan before major campaign events. I guess that explains his new Secret Service code name: 'The Mittuation.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Sarah Palin visited Israel. She says she likes all religions, 'whether they celebrate Christmas or Jewish.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Meanwhile, Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch started his confirmation hearings this week, and he said that he has his law students think about their legacies by having them write an obituary about themselves. Yeah. Incidentally, that’s also part of the Republican healthcare plan. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They got that insulating layer of cheese that will keep you safe for days (one of the most expensive disasters for you, personally)

Some tips to keep warm for the folks in Chicago. If you’re really cold, slice open and crawl inside a visiting Packers fan. It works. They got that insulating layer of cheese that will keep you safe for days. --Stephen Colbert

Trump’s SCOTUS nominee is federal judge Neil Gorsuch! No surprise he chose him. He is a strict constitutional originalist. That means he rules only as the Founding Fathers intended in cases like “Marbury v. Electricity Is the Devil’s Magic” and “The People v. Slavery Is Cool, Right?” –Stephen Colbert

At the beginning of the speech, Trump listed some of the natural disasters we've endured this year. [clip of Trump] "We have endured floods and fires and storms." And Stormys! Don't forget her! She was one of the most expensive disasters for you, personally. --Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I get the “you will go down” part, but, after that, you kind of lost me (The Bushspeak Legacy)

Donald Trump made an extraordinary claim to The New York Times about a Democratic congressman: “Elijah Cummings was in my office, and he said, ‘You will go down as one of the great presidents in the history of our country.’” Really? I get the “you will go down” part, but, after that, you kind of lost me. –Stephen Colbert

The fight continues over the confirmation of Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch. And today, in the Senate, was a battle royal with cheese, because the Democrats took a stand. Democrats successfully filibustered President Trump’s Supreme Court nominee, Neil Gorsuch. Woo-hoo! They did it! Yeah! They did it! Democrats won! For about an hour. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020

So, be sure to pick up her new line of “How Do You Sleep at Night?” pillows

Bed Bath & Beyond recently announced that it will continue to sell Ivanka Trump products. So, be sure to pick up her new line of “How Do You Sleep at Night?” pillows. –Seth Meyers

There’s drama brewing in Washington because the Senate is about to vote on [Supreme Court] nominee Neil Gorsuch. But Democrats aren’t going to let Gorsuch get confirmed without a fight. Sure, it’s a fight they’re going to lose — but those are the kinds of fights Democrats love. –Stephen Colbert

It’s been a busy few weeks for the president. Every day he gets to work, rolls up his sleeves, and gives a new job to Jared Kushner. –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020

According to a new poll, Muslims are the religious group most satisfied with life in America (All Access Pass)

Trump’s kids, Don Jr., Ivanka, and Eric, took their families on a ski trip to Aspen. Which was fun ’til they said, “Wait. If we’re all here, who’s watching Dad?” “Uh, let’s go. Get on a plane right now.” –Jimmy Fallon

According to a new poll, Muslims are the religious group most satisfied with life in America. When asked why, Muslims said, “That travel ban totally kept our in-laws from visiting.” –Conan O’Brien

Today, Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch was grilled about his stance on torture. And after just five minutes of questioning, Gorsuch broke down and told them everything. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

We the 1% (that's some tiny tiny hands)

A big story today came out that Trump’s former campaign manager, Paul Manafort, worked for a Russian billionaire and helped promote Vladimir Putin’s agenda. Manafort quit when he realized he could just work for an American billionaire and achieve the same thing. –Jimmy Fallon

It turns out Manafort was paid $10 million to advocate for Putin. Trump was furious. He said, “That’s more than he pays me.” –Jimmy Fallon

Meanwhile, Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch started his confirmation hearings this week, and he said that he has his law students think about their legacies by having them write an obituary about themselves. Yeah. Incidentally, that’s also part of the Republican healthcare plan. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: I hereby rule that they’re both awesome

Guys, it is the first day of February. Which of course is the shortest month, with just 28 days — as opposed to January, which felt like it had 200. –Jimmy Fallon

Last night, President Trump nominated Colorado Appeals Judge Neil Gorsuch to the Supreme Court. That’s right, he’s from Colorado. Which explains his most famous case, Regular Funyuns v. Flamin’ Hot Funyuns: “I hereby rule that they’re both awesome.” –Jimmy Fallon

We’re now learning a little bit more about Neil Gorsuch. For instance, I read that he actually has a barn where he raises horses, chickens, and goats. That experience will come in handy when he spends the rest of his life side-stepping all the crap in Washington. –Jimmy Fallon

JOKES: How could Trump blow the honeymoon? He’s had three of them.

Trump’s SCOTUS nominee is federal judge Neil Gorsuch! No surprise he chose him. He is a strict constitutional originalist. That means he rules only as the Founding Fathers intended in cases like “Marbury v. Electricity Is the Devil’s Magic” and “The People v. Slavery Is Cool, Right?” –Stephen Colbert

We’re just 10 days in and it feels like it’s total chaos at the White House. This is supposed to be the honeymoon. How could Trump blow the honeymoon? He’s had three of them. –Stephen Colbert

Right or wrong, Trump’s immigration ban has been a PR disaster, with heartbreaking stories like the 5-year-old boy who was detained for more than four hours and reportedly handcuffed. AND he’s a U.S. citizen! –Stephen Colbert

Now this sounds bad, but yesterday White House press secretary Sean Spicer defended the detainment [plays clip of Spicer]: “To assume that just because of someone’s age, or gender, or whatever, that they don’t pose a threat would be misguided and wrong.” Yeah, NOT handcuffing a child is a security risk. We all know kids go through stages — you’ve got the terrible twos, the fatwa fives, it’s absolutely terrifying. –Stephen Colbert