In a related story, his new rap album drops on Wednesday (Rolled it himself)

Newly leaked emails from Sony Pictures show there was an agreement between executives to keep Spider-Man white and straight. However, in order to please the gay community "The Fantastic Four" will now be "The Fabulous Four." –Conan O’Brien

Fourteen paintings by Adolf Hitler were sold at auction in Germany. After the auction the surprised buyer said, "Wait a second, it's THAT Adolf Hitler?" –Conan O’Brien

On a podcast the other day, President Obama used the N-word. In a related story, his new rap album drops on Wednesday. –Conan O’Brien

Yesterday on Father’s Day my kids gave me breakfast in bed, which I thought was sweet. My nine-year-old makes a mean mojito. Brought me a cigarette too. Rolled it himself. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

"Super!" said Hillary and Donald at the same time (And he hates going to plays)

Fox News anchor Chris Wallace, who will be moderator for the final presidential debate of election season, said in an interview this week that he doesn't feel it's his job to call out the candidates when they lie. "Super!" said Hillary and Donald at the same time. –Seth Meyers

A Pennsylvania rapper who has a song called “Sell Drugz” was arrested this week for allegedly selling narcotics. Even worse, his attorney has a song called “Lose Cases.” –Seth Meyers

During the same rally President Trump claimed that he could be more presidential than any president in history, quote, "Except for possibly Abe Lincoln with the big hat." Oh, right. That Abe Lincoln. Are you at a campaign rally or Show and Tell? "This is my Abe Lincoln. He has a really big hat. And he hates going to plays." --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

they should’ve made it a real New York experience (Even rappers don’t go after the kids)

April 2023

“There is a widely circulated photo from inside the court house, showing Trump seated before a judge. It shows that even the guy who was not too long ago the most powerful man in the world, the guy who controlled our nuclear arsenal and rolled around in a presidential limo and entered every room to Hail to the Chief, had to sit in that courthouse in front of a judge, just like everyone else accused of breaking the law. In fact, if you ask me, they should’ve made it a real New York experience and towed his plane while he was inside.” —Seth Meyers

“Trump’s Mar-a-Lago speech, in which he called the New York district attorney a ‘criminal’, and said the judge was ‘Trump-hating’ with a ‘Trump-hating wife and family’. Who do you know go to trial and talk shit about the judge? That’s bold. The judge could destroy you, and you’re riling him up. If you’re about to fight Cocaine Bear, you don’t offer him crack first. And he didn’t just go after the judge; Trump called out the kids. And you don’t pull the kids into it. Even rappers don’t go after the kids, and they murder each other.” —Roy Wood, Jr.

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In response, Putin sent her somewhere no one will ever see her again – CNN (Do not open trunk)

“Sarah Palin was rapping on the Masked Singer – I’m sure it’s fine. I mean, when has a conservative celebrity on a reality show ever been a problem? Trump’s speech to calm fears about the Coronavirus: This is only the second time Trump has addressed the country from the Oval Office. The first was during the great McRib shortage of 2018.” —Jimmy Fallon

"This week the Russian government gave all 44 of its Olympic medalists a new Mercedes. When asked what happened to the athletes who didn't medal, Putin said, 'Do not open trunk.'" –Jimmy Fallon

And tomorrow, Auntie Anne's is offering a special on heart-shaped pretzels. That's a great deal for all you hopeless romantics taking your dates to LaGuardia. --Jimmy Fallon

"An anchor for Russia's state-owned news channel quit on live TV yesterday, saying that she doesn't agree with the network's support of Vladimir Putin. In response, Putin sent her somewhere no one will ever see her again – CNN." –Jimmy Fallon

Hey, guys, listen to this: Disney has a new "Star Wars" theme park. And they're promising a fully physical and immersive experience. So, kids, get ready for a ride where Dad cuts your hand off. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

nothing has ever explained Fox News better than a rich white lady calling a homeless man Scrooge (Sweet Hot Capital City Mambo Sauce)

December 2021

After the tree outside Fox headquarters was set on fire by a homeless man, Fox News host Ainsley Earhardt said, ‘This Scrooge is not going to get away with it.’ And nothing has ever explained Fox News better than a rich white lady calling a homeless man Scrooge. —Michael Che

The CDC believes the Omicron variant first appeared in the U.S. during a recent anime convention in New York. Damn, the one time they leave the house. —Michael Che

After CNN fired Chris Cuomo, it was revealed that the former anchor has been accused of sexual misconduct just like his older brother. Well, those two are quite a pair, said Cuomo to a female co-worker. —Michael Che

A woman testifying in the sex trafficking trial of Ghislaine Maxwell, said that Maxwell told her that Jeffrey Epstein needed to have sex at least three times a day, and if not, he’d kill himself. —Michael Che

Kentucky Fried Chicken is testing a new dipping sauce called Sweet Hot Capital City Mambo Sauce. Coincidentally, Sweet Hot Capital City Mambo Sauce is also what Colin Jost calls rap music. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html

#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry

 

in danger of being overshadowed by something that technically doesn't make a shadow (swimsuit competition)

August 2012

"Paul Ryan stretching the truth to make his speech more effective is just another form of doping. In that if you believe him, you are a dope." –Stephen Colbert

"Tonight is the last night, the final night of the Republican convention. Tonight is the swimsuit competition." –Conan O'Brien

"It's been reported the Republican convention decided not to show a hologram of Ronald Reagan for fear it would overshadow Mitt Romney. It's never a good sign when your candidate is in danger of being overshadowed by something that technically doesn't make a shadow." –Conan O'Brien

"A former Navy SEAL has a book out that claims Osama bin Laden was unarmed when he was shot. The book is called 'Who Cares, He's Dead.'" –Conan O'Brien

"At the convention tonight, the surprise speaker was Clint Eastwood. What's more surprising than a grumpy old white guy at the Republican convention?" –Craig Ferguson

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

taking time in the middle of your impeachment hearing to judge a rap contest (We need to get this man some publicity)

“Over the weekend, Trump tweeted: ‘I will be announcing the winners
of the MAGA challenge and inviting them to the White House to meet
with me and perform. Good luck.’ Now, this is a challenge that was
started by a rapper named B. Serious. His idea is that he wants
people to write and perform pro-Trump rap songs. B. Serious said
he wants to help get the word out about Trump. He’s been under
the radar for far too long. We need to get this man some publicity.”
--Jimmy Kimmel

“Trump said he’s going to meet the winners of the contest at the
White House, which means he definitely won’t meet the winners
of the contest at the White House.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“But there’s nothing more Donald Trumpian than taking time in
the middle of your impeachment hearing to judge a rap contest.”
--Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I wish I looked like I was attacked by hungry badgers? (Only an idiot would do that)

“And you might be wondering, ‘If this phone call is so damning, why did Trump even release the transcript? Only an idiot would do that.’ Exactly.” --Trevor Noah

“The White House released the transcript, Congress has officially received the full whistle-blower’s report, and we’ll have to wait to find out what happens next. And it could be anything. We could find out that Mike Pence also pressured Ukraine on a call or we could find out the secret identity of the whistle-blower. Spoiler alert: I think it is Tekashi 69. That guy’s snitching on everybody.” --Trevor Noah, referring to the rapper who became a witness for the prosecution in a racketeering and firearms case 

“This is what Trump does. He does this all the time. Like Trump is the only person who would do something so bad right out in the open that it makes you question whether it’s actually bad, right? It’s like a powerful thing — it’s the same way that Kanye can walk around basically in rags but because he does it so confidently we just go, ‘I guess that was the style now. I wish I looked like I was attacked by hungry badgers?’” --Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Y'all giving out free trips to Jamaica? (All Crocs are special)

Designer brand Yves Saint Laurent has released a new line of jewelry that includes penis earrings. Said lesbians -- "Ugh, earrings." --Seth Meyers and Jenny

The ACLU has filed a lawsuit on behalf of a Philadelphia-born man who says he was detained for three weeks while ICE agents tried to deport him to Jamaica. "Said black people -- 'Y'all giving out free trips to Jamaica?'" --Seth Meyers and Amber

Scottish Parliament officially changed the name of 'gingerbread men' to 'gingerbread people' to make them gender-neutral. "And that's great. But they leave crumbs everywhere and they don't wear pants, so I'm pretty sure they're men." Seth Meyers and Jenny

According to a recent article, a movie is in the works about the life of Rosa Parks. "The article was originally on the front page, but it was asked to move to the back." --Seth Meyers and Amber

Rapper Post Malone announced that he has designed a special pair of Crocs. "Said lesbians -- 'All Crocs are special.'" --Seth Meyers and Jenny

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Within five minutes in heaven, he fired God and told Jesus to lose the beard (apparently he’s also a rapper)

"Well, according to a new survey, 49 percent of the people in Iowa want a law like Arizona's to stop illegal immigration. You know what you call Mexicans in Iowa? Lost." –Jay Leno

"Yankees owner George Steinbrenner passed away. He was a tough guy. Within five minutes in heaven, he fired God and told Jesus to lose the beard." –Jay Leno

"On the latest Mel Gibson tape, he insults women and uses ethnic slurs and obscenities. I knew Mel was an actor and a director, but apparently he’s also a rapper." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

If Donald Trump was a rapper his name would be Colludikris (so he is available to host the Oscars)

Donald Trump cheats on his wife with a porn star while she’s at home with their infant son. Donald Trump has an affair with a Playboy playmate. And Trump illegally pays them both off. And Michael Cohen goes to jail for it. It’s like if Johnnie Cochran did time and not O.J. --Jimmy Kimmel

Michael Cohen doesn’t have to report to prison until March 6th, so he is available to host the Oscars. --Jimmy Kimmel

If Donald Trump was a rapper his name would be Colludikris. That’s how much collusion is going on. --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

However, the pirates are still holding the ship comic (or as we call them in this country, rap stars)

"So the Navy Seal snipers shot three pirates. They shot them at the same time, simultaneously. I mean that is sharp shooting, ladies and gentlemen. Boom, all of them gone. I mean, something like that hasn't really happened since the last Dick Cheney hunting trip." --Jimmy Fallon

"So the good news is the Navy sea captain from the United States was rescued in that action. However, the pirates are still holding the ship comic." --Jimmy Fallon

"Whew! Last night, I had that great new drink, the Navy Seal. Three shots -- boom -- and you're done." --Jay Leno

"Well, you know, Defense Secretary Robert Gates said the Somali pirates were all 'untrained teenagers with heavy weapons,' or as we call them in this country, rap stars." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

He gets driven around in a limo, surrounded by bodyguards, shot a guy in the face -- he is a rap star (I'm with Stupid)

"By the way, First Lady Laura Bush, Laura Bush is writing a memoir. The name of the memoir, I believe, is 'I'm with Stupid.'" --David Letterman

"The Secret Service has unveiled a new state-of-the-art limousine for Barack Obama. A million dollars for this state-art-limousine. Meanwhile, today, John McCain closed a deal on a used LeSabre. But the limousine is massive. It's a three ton, it's a tank-like vehicle, or, as GM calls it, it's a compact." --David Letterman

"Hey, did you see this in the paper? In an interview with the Washington Times, Vice President Dick Cheney said he is not a big fan of rap music. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was stunned by that. Actually, I'm surprised. I mean, look at the guy. He gets driven around in a limo, surrounded by bodyguards, shot a guy in the face -- he is a rap star." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Officials said marijuana has no place at this sacred monument to cocaine (So that could work out)

Political analysts say that after their embarrassing loss on healthcare, the White House is desperately looking for a win. Which is why this week, they’re playing the Lakers. So that could work out. –Conan O’Brien

Joe Biden is now saying he regrets not running for president. And after last week, Donald Trump said he also regrets that Joe Biden didn’t run for president. –Conan O’Brien

Officials in Colombia are angry at rapper Wiz Khalifa for smoking marijuana at the tomb of Pablo Escobar. The officials said marijuana has no place at this sacred monument to cocaine. –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

JOKES: three 6 mafia (Juicy George/DJ Dick/Lord Infamous Rummy)

While he was in Tennessee yesterday, Trump gave a speech from the estate of former President Andrew Jackson. Trump may have been confused because he also praised Andrew Jackson’s brothers Michael, Jermaine, Randy, and Tito. –Jimmy Fallon

Technically right now is Friday, and that means today is St. Patrick’s Day. I read that Americans could spend over $5 billion for St. Patrick’s Day this year. Yeah, that’s JUST on bail money. –James Corden

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

Yeesh, what does the loser get? (Hillary tries to rap)

The third and final debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump is coming up in Las Vegas next week, and Hillary’s holding a contest where the winner gets to actually go watch it in person. Everyone was like, “Yeesh, what does the loser get?” –Jimmy Fallon

But the best email that’s been leaked so far claims that Hillary met with rapper Q-Tip last year to discuss how to appeal to hip-hop fans. The big takeaway for Hillary: Whatever you do, don’t try to rap. –Jimmy Fallon

I guess the meeting with Q-Tip really affected Hillary because afterwards, she actually came up with some rapper names for herself. First, she tried Lil’ Wheezy. Then she tried Run DNC. And finally, she tried Wiz Deleeta. –Jimmy Fallon

Things aren’t getting any better for Samsung. They’re actually sending customers safety gloves to help them return the exploding phones. Then they were like, “Hold up, turns out the gloves are exploding too.” –Jimmy Fallon