Yesterday was asexuality day a day to express solidarity for people who don’t like sex. Shout out to all my former assistants. —Greg Gutfeld
Michelle Obama's new podcast is off to a slow start. Her podcast is ranked at number 34 on Spotify. In her defense most people don’t like her. —Greg Gutfeld
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
I saw that Princess Charlotte went to her first day of nursery school yesterday. It was a little intimidating for the other kids – like for "Show and Tell," she brought Scotland. --Jimmy Fallon
"First Lady Michelle Obama is staying at Oprah's house in Hawaii this week. Oprah told her housekeeper to make sure Michelle has clean linens at all times — then Stedman said, 'Yeah yeah, heard you the first time.'" –Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth
and Orwell’s 1984.”
"The Winter Olympics are around the corner. President Vladimir Putin says people will be allowed to protest the Winter Olympics as long as they stay in a designated protesting zone. When they asked where the zone is located Putin said, 'Poland.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"First Lady Michelle Obama is staying at Oprah's house in Hawaii this week. Oprah told her housekeeper to make sure Michelle has clean linens at all times — then Stedman said, 'Yeah yeah, heard you the first time.'" –Jimmy Fallon
When an FBI agent first contacted the DNC to tell them they’d been hacked, the person who took the call thought it was a prank. “Yeah, it happens more than you’d think,” said FBI Agent Seymour Butts. –Jimmy Fallon
China's new law allowing couples to have two children instead of just one went into effect in the new year. So if you thought you felt an earthquake, don't worry — it was just a billion people being told they were allowed to have unprotected sex at the exact same moment. –Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Yesterday the Denver Broncos and the Seattle Seahawks advanced to the big game, which means this year’s Super Bowl will have teams from the two states where recreational marijuana is legal. Or as pizza delivery men put it, 'Pray for us.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Beyoncé performed at Michelle Obama’s 50th birthday party on Saturday night. Yeah, because there's no easier way for a woman to turn 50 than having to spend your party looking at Beyoncé." –Jimmy Fallon
"Michelle Obama’s 50th birthday party supposedly went all the way until 2 a.m. on Saturday. Which explains why on Sunday, Barack expanded healthcare to include Gatorade and Tylenol." –Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/12/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and_10.html
#1001Ways #RandomThoughts #poetry
"It is day three of the government shutdown. Right now 33 percent of the government is doing absolutely nothing, which is not bad considering that before the shutdown 80 percent wasn't doing anything." –Jay Leno
"This shutdown is hurting everyone. Today Michelle Obama told fat kids: 'You're on your own. Eat a Happy Meal. I don't care.'" –Jay Leno
"According to a new report, experts in Pakistan say $25 million in cash is smuggled out of Pakistan every day, and less than 1 percent of Pakistanis pay any income tax at all. Here's the amazing part: Somehow their government hasn't shut down, but ours has." –Jay Leno
"Regarding the problems with starting Obamacare, President Obama said that Apple had some glitches with the iPhone but then they fixed them. Technically the president is correct, but you have to remember: Apple has geniuses working there. This is Washington. They don't have any geniuses." –Jay Leno
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night
of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Michelle Obama is actually here tonight to talk about her fitness initiative 'Let’s Move.' Meanwhile, Chris Christie will be on next week to talk about his initiative 'Let's Sit.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Al Qaeda has issued a list of 22 ways that al-Qaida members can avoid being killed by U.S. drones. Here’s a good one: Don't join al-Qaida." –Jay Leno
"A huge snowstorm has now hit 18 states. In fact, it is so cold that former Chicago Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. had his hands in his own pockets." –Jay Leno
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night
of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"There's a lot going on tonight. The first NFL game tonight, the Democratic National Convention, a new episode of "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo." Everything that we are as a nation is all rolled up into one tonight."-Jimmy Kimmel
"First lady Michelle Obama is receiving praise for the speech she gave last night at the Democratic National Convention. Everyone was impressed. Even Fox News called it 'not the worst.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Actually, President Obama's speech at the DNC has been moved inside to the Time Warner Arena. You can tell it's Time Warner because Obama will give the speech two weeks from Friday, between the hours of 12 and 4." –Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Today, the Democrats added the word 'God' to the official party platform. It's in the part that reads, 'Did you see Michelle Obama's biceps. Oh, my God!'" –Conan O'Brien
"Michelle Obama said the first car Barack picked her up in was so old, you could see ground below them. Today, Ann Romney said the same thing about Mitt's first helicopter." –Conan O'Brien
"In her speech, First Lady Michelle Obama said her husband has dinner with his girls where they strategize about middle school relationships. Which explains why today the Pentagon ordered a drone strike on that lying bitch Ashley." –Conan O'Brien
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"It’s National Senior Citizen’s Day, which is not to be confused with National Senior Citizen’s Week — the Republican Convention in Florida." –Jimmy Fallon
"A hurricane could threaten next week’s Republican National Convention in Tampa. It could really hurt Republicans — which explains its name, 'Hurricane Todd Akin.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"According to a new report by the Tax Policy Center, the gap between the rich and the super rich is growing wider. This could split the Republican Party in two. The haves fighting the really haves." –Jay Leno
"Happy birthday to gold medalist sprinter Usain Bolt. He turned 26 this week. You know the sad thing? His world record time has already been broken by Republicans running away from Missouri Congressman Todd Akin." –Jay Leno
"It was just announced that most of the speakers at this year’s Democratic National Convention will be women. But it’s going to be annoying when they stop speaking, but won’t tell you why." –Jimmy Fallon
"In a new interview, first lady Michelle Obama said she doesn’t have time to read 'Fifty Shades of Grey.' Then it got weird when she added, 'Again.'" –Jimmy Fallon
https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html
“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic.
A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Hey, Congratulations to Donald Trump, who just welcomed his fourth grandchild! You could tell it was Trump’s grandchild because as soon as it came out, it demanded to see its own birth certificate." –Jimmy Fallon
"Today first lady Michelle Obama made a surprise visit to the Secret Service headquarters. Michelle was like, 'You guys are great. But since I was able to surprise you . . . you're fired.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"The founder of Home Depot announced that he is supporting Mitt Romney for president. It's kind of a nice story, because Mitt Romney was actually assembled with parts from Home Depot." –Jimmy Fallon
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
“One of the first and most moving speakers, was Kristin Urquiza of Arizona, whose father died of the coronavirus in June. She said, ‘His only pre-existing condition was trusting Donald Trump.’ She said that her father felt ‘betrayed’ by the president at the end of his life. Wow, that was absolutely scathing. And she’s right, believing Donald Trump is truly one of the most harmful things you can do. That fact was true even before Trump was president, just ask Atlantic City, his first two wives, or any graduate of Trump University.” —Trevor Noah
“Trump, of course, did not respond to Michelle Obama’s words well; at an event celebrating the centennial of women’s right to vote, he criticized her speech for being taped instead of live. ‘Not only was it taped,’ he said, ‘but it was taped a long time ago because she had the wrong [coronavirus] deaths.’ Goddamn, that is one of the biggest self-owns I’ve ever seen. Imagine Trump’s logic: ‘A hundred fifty-thousand dead? I’ve killed 20,000 more since then, you idiot!’” —Trevor Noah
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
“Former first lady Michelle Obama said President Trump is, quote, ‘the wrong president for our country.’ That’s putting it mildly, like it’s just a bad match or something. ‘You’re not a good president for us but there are plenty of countries out there for you. What about Mordor or Gilead?’” —Seth Meyers
“That was ice-cold. And what made it even more devastating was that Michelle Obama wasn’t angry, she wasn’t yelling, she just stated Trump’s complete failure as a president as an obvious fact. You know, it’s the difference between your mom screaming at you and your mom just casually sipping a coffee and going, ‘Well, not all kids can be winners.’” —Trevor Noah
“President Trump said today he will posthumously pardon Susan B. Anthony, who was arrested and fined for illegally voting in 1872. Incidentally, Susan B. Anthony is what Trump thinks happens during gender reassignment surgery.” —Seth Meyers
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
“Michelle Obama’s speech on the first night of the Democratic National Convention made quite an impression. She said President Trump was ‘in over his head,’ then turned a Trump quote against him by adding, ‘It is what it is.’ At that point, Trump squeezed his Diet Coke hand so hard it turned into a diamond.” —Jimmy Fallon
“Yep, Trump pardoned Susan B. Anthony, then he complained that she didn’t thank him.” —Jimmy Fallon
“There’s no bigger champion for women than the man who spent his morning rage-tweeting about Michelle Obama.” —Jimmy Fallon
“Trump was asked about Michelle Obama’s ‘in over his head’ comment at an event celebrating the centennial of the 19th amendment, and responded: ‘She’s in over her head.’ Oh, yeah, that’s a good comeback. That was her insult against you. You can’t use her insult – every third-grader who can’t go back to school the next day knows that.” —Jimmy Fallon
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
“I have to say, watching the first night of the convention was very inspiring. It gave me hope because it brought me back to where I was four years ago: in a room with other people.” —Stephen Colbert
“Republican John Kasich was there to underline the theme of this convention: ‘Uniting America.’ Slightly more inspiring than the Republican convention theme, ‘Gas protesters and throw mailboxes into the sea.’” —Stephen Colbert
“Wow, four years of Trump has really lowered the bar for president. [imitating Michelle Obama] ‘I support Joe Biden. He believes the Earth orbits the sun and he won’t stab you.” —Stephen Colbert
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
"Yesterday President Obama arrived 25 minutes late for a luncheon at the U.N. In fact he was so late, he had to sit next to Biden at the kids table." –Jimmy Fallon
"First Lady Michelle Obama will appear on the season premiere of 'Extreme Home Makeover' on Sunday. The good news is, she'll be refurbishing a house for a new family to move into; the bad news is, it's the White House." –Jimmy Fallon
"Arnold Schwarzenegger has a new memoir that will focus on his career as a body builder, action star, and politician. You can find it in that section at Barnes & Noble marked 'Trying to Change the Subject.'" –Jimmy Fallon
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
September 2011"A Republican is going to be filling Anthony Weiner’s Congressional seat, but not before thoroughly wiping it down." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Taco Bell is product testing a new taco with a shell made of a giant Dorito. Michelle Obama spent the morning watering the White House garden with her tears." –Jimmy Kimmel
"If I was president, I'd freeze everyone in carbonite until the job market improves. It worked for Han Solo." –Jimmy Kimmel
"According to a new book, Sarah Palin slept with a black NBA player, Glen Rice, a year before she got married. I think technically this makes her a Kardashian sister. I think Sarah and Glen would make a great couple. He’d shoot 3-pointers. She'd shoot everything else." –Jimmy Kimmel
http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html
“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”
