because LaGuardia is technically classified as a prison (they know a narc when they see one)

According to a new poll, Newark Liberty is the country’s least favorite airport. But only because LaGuardia is technically classified as a prison. –Seth Meyers

According to a new survey, one in four teens say they used marijuana at least once in the past year. While the other three in four teens know a narc when they see one. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I love the Mexican people (His staff was like, "Seven.")

And tomorrow, Auntie Anne's is offering a special on heart-shaped pretzels. That's a great deal for all you hopeless romantics taking your dates to LaGuardia. --Jimmy Fallon

Listen to this, guys -- For Valentine's Day, I heard Americans will spend about $2 billion on flowers. Yeah, when Trump heard that, he tried to sell the White House Rose Garden to pay for the wall. --Jimmy Fallon

Since the government shutdown ended, Trump's approval rating has gone up seven points. When Trump said, "Great, what's my approval rating now?" His staff was like, "Seven." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

"I can't imagine what terrible things you've been through," said one of the kids to Melania (love in an elevator)

President Trump held a campaign rally last night in Minnesota. And long story short, we are now in a trade war with Minnesota. --Seth Meyers

First lady Melania Trump made a surprise trip to the U.S.-Mexico border today and visited a facility holding migrant children. "I can't imagine what terrible things you've been through," said one of the kids to Melania. --Seth Meyers

After Melania Trump was spotted wearing the jacket, her spokesperson said, "It's a jacket. There was no hidden message." Hidden? It was literally spelled out. That's like saying, "If you play an Aerosmith song forwards, it contains hidden messages about love in an elevator." --Seth Meyers

Hundreds of people gathered at LaGuardia airport last night to welcome migrant children who have been separated from their parents at the border. And if you don't think that's a big deal, you've never asked someone to pick you up at la Guardia. --Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Mike Pence will go to Puerto Rico tomorrow, to survey the damage done by the president

Today President Trump flew to Puerto Rico. He was like, "These conditions are horrible! How can anyone live like this?" Then an aide said, "Sir, this is LaGuardia. We’re just refueling.” –Jimmy Fallon

Today Trump went to Puerto Rico to survey the damage done by the hurricane. And Mike Pence will go there tomorrow, to survey the damage done by the president. –Jimmy Fallon

    

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

JFK Airport still smells less like yak meat than LaGuardia (Confederate statues)

United Airlines fell by 66 percent in an annual survey of passengers’ favorite airlines, down to just 3.3 percent. Although, that means that 3.3 percent of travelers saw a man get dragged off a plane and thought, “This is my favorite airline.” –Jimmy Fallon

Federal agents just seized 300 pounds of yak meat that was illegally smuggled into JFK airport. And yet somehow JFK still smells less like yak meat than LaGuardia. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

JOKES: Then Melania said, "Trust me, he doesn't know when someone is faking it."

Here in New York thousands of people showed up at JFK airport over the weekend to protest Trump's immigration ban. People who were actually at the protests said, "This is awful." While people at LaGuardia were like, "You think you got it bad. We're at LaGuardia." –Jimmy Fallon

After Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer got emotional while protesting Trump's travel ban, Trump accused him of fake crying. Then Melania said, "Trust me, he doesn't know when someone is faking it." –Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday at the White House, Trump hosted a screening of the movie "Finding Dory." Trump said he actually related more to "Finding Nemo" because that was about an orange-and-white cartoon. –Jimmy Fallon

Marvin, Duke of the Running Wheel

Kate Middleton revealed yesterday that her children have a pet hamster named Marvin. Well, technically, its full name is Marvin, Duke of the Running Wheel. –Jimmy Fallon

A federal regulation is now requiring that airports serving over 10,000 passengers per year have an area in every terminal where pets can go to the bathroom. Or as it's called in LaGuardia, all of LaGuardia. –Jimmy Fallon

In honor of Cinco de Mayo, Donald Trump tweeted a picture of himself eating a taco bowl. Then, Trump tried to get Mexico to pay for it. –Conan O’Brien

They saw LaGuardia Airport and decided to take their chances with Ebola

"Kim Jong Un has been out of the public eye and North Korean officials say that it's because he needs a total of 100 days to recover from his foot ailments. When asked what kind of foot ailments, they said 'liposuction.'" –Seth Meyers



"Over 200 airplane cabin cleaners at LaGuardia Airport in New York have gone on strike over fears about the spread of Ebola. But then they saw LaGuardia Airport and decided to take their chances with Ebola." –Seth Meyers



"Bookmakers have listed Pope Francis as the odds-on favorite to win the 2014 Nobel Peace Prize. So if you're placing a bet on the results of the 2014 Nobel Peace Prize . . . you have a gambling problem." –Seth Meyers