JOKES: You know, Charlie Sheen lives here

I thought we might start the show with a little bit of geography. So here’s a map of the United States [showing] the most sexually diseased states. Now, as a general rule, the state with the most STDs is traditionally whichever state where “The Bachelor” is shooting, but not in this case. –Jimmy Kimmel

California finished 16th, which is better than I thought we would do. You know, Charlie Sheen lives here. –Jimmy Kimmel

But the No. 1 most sexually diseased state is, fortunately, not attached to us. It is Alaska. And the reason they have the most STDs in Alaska is, have you ever tried to open a condom while you’re wearing mittens? –Jimmy Kimmel

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