I find it hard to believe I’m saying this, but it’s beneath you (Pride month is different there)

At the reopening ceremony for Notre Dame cathedral, Trump sat next to Jill Biden. It was a rare moment of conciliation that would’ve given this country hope, had it not been immediately been undermined by the returning president releasing an actual cologne belittling and sexualizing the moment. The ad, selling a “a fragrance your enemies can’t resist!” marketed Trump’s cologne for $199 a pop. You won! You don’t have to push merch any more. I find it hard to believe I’m saying this, but it’s beneath you. —Jon Stewart

The Assad regime in Syria has fallen. So it’s no surprise that after he fled to Moscow, the Syrian people took to the streets, joyfully riding a torn-down statue of Assad’s father like a parade float. Pride month is different there. —Stephen Colbert

This week has also seen the Trump camp reveal that anyone who donates $1 million to the inauguration will win a dinner with Trump and J.D. Vance and for $2 million he won’t bring Vance. —Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It's to keep them from being high-fived to death (superhell)

"The identity of the Navy Seals that killed Osama bin Laden is being kept secret. It's for their own safety. It's to keep them from being high-fived to death." –Jimmy Kimmel

"A CNN poll showed that 61 percent of Americans think bin Laden is in hell. The other 39 percent think he's in superhell." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oops, wrong picture, that's North Dakota (a woman named Juanita)

"Newt Gingrich has released a new ad attacking Mitt Romney because he knows how to speak French. Well Mitt Romney is not the only one. Jon Huntsman speaks Chinese and Rick Perry speaks gibberish." –Jay Leno

"Scientists announced that they have detected a brand new subatomic particle. This particle is so tiny, it's actually smaller than the income tax rate paid by Mitt Romney." –Jay Leno

"Mitt Romney, whose father was born in Mexico, is now talking up his Mexican heritage. Not to be outdone today, Newt Gingrich said he once cheated on one of his wives with a woman named Juanita." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He is not going to raise taxes on the entire 1 percent, just Donald Trump (OK, lift on three)

"Exit polls show that President Obama did well with women, beating Romney by 11 binders." –Jay Leno

"Some more good news – President Obama announced today he is not going to raise taxes on the entire 1 percent, just Donald Trump." –Jay Leno

"It turns out Governor Palin is a lifelong member of the NRA and a life-time hunter. Another vice president who's a hunter. What could go wrong there?" --Jay Leno

"Syrian President Assad says he is turning over his chemical weapons because Russia asked him to, 'not because of the U.S. threatening to bomb him.' Yeah, and Osama bin Laden is at the bottom of the ocean right now because he enjoys scuba diving." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oooops, wrong picture, that's North Dakota (Fresh Prince of Smell Hair)

August 2020

It’s hot here in California. It’s so hot local officials are urging looters to stay hydrated. —Bill Maher

Barack Obama took the gloves off against Trump. He said Trump had no interest in doing the work. Trump was so pissed about that he missed a two-foot putt. —Bill Maher

Cardi B interviewed Joe Biden. Biden also has a rap name. It’s the Fresh Prince of Smell Hair. —Bill Maher

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Thank goodness I have all my money invested in breakfast sausage (History 101)

"The economy is in trouble, at least that's what some of the financial analysts in the audience are saying today. But President Bush this morning gave a speech at the Economic Club of New York -- that sounds like a fun club to be a part of. He urged the businessmen and women in the audience not to overreact. If you have ever seen the footage of him reading to the children on 9/11, you know one thing that this guy doesn't do is overreact. He also said that if you look at the numbers overall, even though things may seem bad right now, they're actually very, very good compared to how they're gonna be. So, enjoy." --Jimmy Kimmel

"President Bush was pretty blunt in his speech today, but at the end he managed to put a positive spin on things [on screen: Bush laughing after a series of negative things are said about the economy]. He has a special gift, and that is being able to see humor in everything. Thank goodness I have all my money invested in breakfast sausage." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

replacing all the screen doors on Polish submarines (Mississippi's Asian guy)

"On Tuesday, Barack Obama won the Mississippi primary with nearly 90% of the black vote in the state, but only one-quarter of the white vote. While Mississippi's Asian guy is still too scared to leave the house." --Seth Meyers

"In his first televised interview since suspending his presidential campaign, Mitt Romney on Tuesday said he would be honored to serve as John McCain's vice presidential nominee. Which was an odd response to the question, 'So, how do you like this weather?'" --Amy Poehler

"Poland's prime minister, Donald Tusk, visited President Bush in Washington this week to discuss modernizing the Polish military. Specifically, replacing all the screen doors on Polish submarines." --Amy Poehler

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #Bernie2020 #JusticeDemocrats

Mad English King

"Despite the shutdown, the congressional gym in Washington, D.C., remains open. The congressional gym is like any other gym except the customers are the dumbbells." –Craig Ferguson 

 

"Syrian dictator Assad says he may run for re-election next year. In fact, today he went over the results of next year's election and he said it looks pretty good." –Jay Leno 

"It's day nine of the government shutdown. Are you like me? Are you beginning to miss the days when we were ruled by a mad English king?" –David Letterman 

There's your miracle..

"Syrian President Assad says he is turning over his chemical weapons because Russia asked him to, 'not because of the U.S. threatening to bomb him.' Yeah, and Osama bin Laden is at the bottom of the ocean right now because he enjoys scuba diving." –Jay Leno
 


"The Pope recently purchased a 30-year-old car. He's driving around Rome in a 30-year-old car. Can you imagine keeping a 30-year-old car on the road today? There's your miracle, you know what I'm saying?" –David Letterman



and we send them Alex Rodriguez..

"The United States is going to make a deal with Russia and Syria. What could possibly go wrong? Here's the deal: Syria will turn over their stockpiled chemicals and we send them Alex Rodriguez." –David Letterman



"You know whose birthday it is? Evil Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, 48 years old today. It would be nice if he had a surprise birthday party from SEAL Team 6." –David Letterman

Everybody wins

"On his way to his concession speech last night, Anthony Weiner avoided the media by ducking into a McDonalds. Then he created a scene there by saying, 'Who wants to see a quarter-pounder with two McNuggets?'" –Conan O'Brien 

"Crisis averted. Now Congress suspends its vote on a military strike, the U.N. secures Assad's chemical stockpile, and the Syrian people can go back to being killed with conventional methods. Everybody wins." –Stephen Colbert



Colin Powell's reputation

"The United States has no choice but to attack Syria because Dictator Bashar al-Assad is killing his own people with chemical weapons. Before, he was just killing them with bullets. But if America cared about shooting people, we'd be invading Chicago." –Stephen Colbert 

"You know what, folks? I miss George W. Bush. That man knew how to sell a war. Obama has hard evidence of weapons of mass destruction and he can't even get England to go along with it. Meanwhile, President Bush got an international coalition with nothing more than Colin Powell's reputation and half a test tube of crystal light." –Stephen Colbert
 

"John McCain was caught playing video poker on his iPhone during the Senate hearings the other day. Everybody is criticizing McCain, but compared to what other politicians are doing on their iPhones, that's not so bad, OK?" –Jay Leno 



The dean of the business school was Bernie Madoff

"The attorney general of New York is now suing Donald Trump for $40 million claiming that Trump University is a fraud. I guess he got suspicious when he realized the dean of the business school was Bernie Madoff." –Jay Leno



"Anybody ever studied at Donald Trump University? The attorney general says it's a fraudulent operation. Here's all I know. It's the only college where you can actually major in condo flipping." –David Letterman



"The United States has no choice but to attack Syria because Dictator Bashar al-Assad is killing his own people with chemical weapons. Before, he was just killing them with bullets. But if America cared about shooting people, we'd be invading Chicago." –Stephen Colbert 

One more war and the next one's free!

"Obama decided we're going to arm the rebels in Syria. Yes! This is why I voted for Obama in the first place, so he could carry out John McCain's bad ideas." –Bill Maher



"The great news about getting into another war in the Middle East is that the next one's free." –Bill Maher 



"Syrian President Assad crossed a red line. He used chemicals weapons. Using harmful chemicals to hurt your own people – who does he think he is, Monsanto?" –Bill Maher