I'm going to need a hit of that (Mostly trees)

Guys, listen to this -- I read that more and more people are offering weed at their weddings. That's not good if your parents look at the person you're marrying and go, "I'm going to need a hit of that.” --Jimmy Fallon

Shaquille O’Neal says that he’s trying to eat healthier. He’s cut soda, bread, sandwiches, and fast food out of his diet. When asked what he’s eating instead he said, “Mostly trees.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Exactly what I voted for (Funyuns)

A study has confirmed that eating less increases your lifespan. The study goes on to advise the residents of Wisconsin to get their affairs in order. –Conan O’Brien

Health officials say there’s a new trend of women using marijuana during their pregnancy. Which explains why this year’s most popular baby name is Funyuns. –Conan O’Brien

Donald Trump said that after the election, he didn’t call Bill Clinton, but instead, “Bill Clinton called me.” Bill Clinton said, “Actually, I was calling for Melania and he answered the phone.” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So apparently, another one of Melania's tunnels collapsed (Healthcare costs by country)

A study reveals that the best way to add years to your life is to exercise, lose weight, and not drink too much. To which all of America replied, "What else you got?" --Conan O’Brien

"Due to civil unrest in Baltimore, tomorrow's game between the Orioles and the White Sox will be played in an empty stadium. When asked for comments, players on the Milwaukee Brewers said, 'You get used to it.'" –Conan O'Brien

A sinkhole has opened up on the White House lawn. So apparently, another one of Melania's tunnels collapsed. --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Great news if you've ever dreamed of one day owning a Big Mac (The tough part is getting your mom to hold still)

Door Dash will soon allow customers to pay for food deliveries in several installments. Great news if you've ever dreamed of one day owning a Big Mac. —Greg Gutfeld 

According to one nutritionist the best way to lose weight is to eat like a baby. The tough part is getting your mom to hold still. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

just because you went for a long time, doesn’t mean you did a good job (1,000 pounds of dinosaur meat a day)

President Biden marked the end of his first year in office with a two hour press conference. Because that’s how long it took to list everything that’s gone wrong. But as I have been told many times before, just because you went for a long time, doesn’t mean you did a good job. —Colin Jost

Dwayne Johnson said that a skull of a T-Rex that was seen behind him during a recent interview was a replica and not the real thing. Johnson also said that it is just a coincidence that his diet calls for 1,000 pounds of dinosaur meat a day. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Look to them as examples of intelligence and leadership (No!!!)

 A new study suggests that people can live longer by eating oatmeal for breakfast. No!!! —Colin Jost

President Trump revealed what he called an inspirational letter that President Biden left him in the Oval Office, which read enjoy it, do a good job. Though Trump thought it was strange that the letter began, ‘congrats on being the first black female president’. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

I'm sorry daddy, I've been a bad girl (Screw It, Have the Fudge)

Scientists developed a robotic skin that can make stuffed animals appear to come to life. It's being hailed as a "breakthrough" for people who like to scare small children. --Conan O’Brien

Weight Watchers announced it's changing its name. They've changed their name to "Screw It, Have the Fudge." --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s the first ever stock that you can buy high AND sell high (just trust us it’s meat)

During a Donald Trump rally yesterday, a man was kicked out for yelling, "This is boring." The man then went to a Jeb Bush rally and realized he owed Trump an apology. –Conan O’Brien

In Oakland, California, for the first time, a marijuana company will be publicly traded. It’s the first ever stock that you can buy high AND sell high. –Conan O’Brien

A new report says America’s fast food restaurants are seeking alternatives to the term "fast food." So far the leading choices are "fast-crafted," "fine casual," and "just trust us it’s meat." –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He's an evangelical. He's not a snake handler (So at least social distancing was maintained)

Jerry Falwell, Jr. is in trouble. Apparently his wife was having an affair with the pool boy and allegedly Falwell would watch them having sex from the corner of the room. He says he did not have sex himself with the pool boy. He's an evangelical. He's not a snake handler. —Bill Maher

Jerry Falwell would allegedly watch his wife having sex with the pool boy from the corner of the room. So at least social distancing was maintained. —Bill Maher

"Mitt Romney went birther today. He was in Michigan, where he was born, and he said, 'No one has ever asked to see my birth certificate.' Right, because you weren't born. You have a warranty card." –Bill Maher

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s The Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Western media is mercilessly using it against its own people (Loving, Touching, Squeezing)

"In a speech, Russian president Vladimir Putin slammed the U.S. for being 'genderless and infertile.' My question is: How did Vladimir Putin get his hands on my Match.com profile?"  –Conan O'Brien

"A group of TSA agents has formed a choir to entertain travelers as they go through security. It's not helping that the only song they sing is Journey's 'Loving, Touching, Squeezing.'" –Conan O'Brien

A study has confirmed that eating less increases your lifespan. The study goes on to advise the residents of Wisconsin to get their affairs in order. –Conan O’Brien

Today, Queen Elizabeth stepped down as the patron of children’s charities. The queen said, “I just realized I really hate kids.” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”