the 100-meter wander off (filled with too much air)

Patriots quarterback Tom Brady says he thinks it would be great if Donald Trump was president. Which is really weird because I thought Brady didn't like things that are filled with too much air. –Conan O’Brien

In San Diego, a 100-year-old man set five world records at a track meet. He set a record in the 50-meter dash, the 800-meter run and the 100-meter wander off. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

This is good news for every single show except Dog the Bounty Hunter (nut allergies)

"Yesterday, North Korea held its annual marathon. Congratulations to first, second and third place winner, Kim Jong Un." –Conan O'Brien

We're here in San Diego for Comic-Con. Comic-Con is the only place where you can meet a Superman whose kryptonite is his nut allergy. –Conan O’Brien

Scientists are predicting that in a few years we'll be able to smell the TV shows we watch. This is good news for every single show except "Dog the Bounty Hunter." --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, it sounds like somebody had a hell of a weekend (and you thought he was hard to understand before)

"Well, folks, it looks like California's about to legalize marijuana. Yeah, yeah. You thought Governor Schwarzenegger was hard to understand before." –Jay Leno

"Jerry Sanders, the mayor of San Diego, said this week his views on gay marriage have evolved over time. He said he used to be against gay marriage, but now he's in favor of it. So, it sounds like somebody had a hell of a weekend." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

They’ve been charged with two counts of "Deserving each other." (nut allergies)

We're here in San Diego for Comic-Con. Comic-Con is the only place where you can meet a Superman whose kryptonite is his nut allergy. –Conan O’Brien

A couple in North Carolina was arrested for attacking each other with pizza rolls. They’ve been charged with two counts of "Deserving each other." –Conan O’Brien

"A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE a smartphone." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Come on, it's not like he's the CEO of Exxon (Now you do me)

"Former Vice President Dick Cheney is in the news. Cheney slammed President Obama for bowing before the emperor of Japan. Cheney said, 'Come on, it's not like he's the CEO of Exxon.'" –Conan O'Brien

"In San Diego, a man refused to be patted down by airport security and some people are calling him a hero. I don't mind being patted down by airport security, but I don't like it when the guy says, 'Now you do me.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The men said they wanted to escape but they never got around to it (at least they're using one tool correctly)

In California, two women have been arrested for holding a group of men hostage and making them work for several months on a marijuana farm. The men said they wanted to escape but they never got around to it. –Conan O’Brien

In San Diego, a 100-year-old man set five world records at a track meet. He set a record in the 50-meter dash, the 800-meter run and the 100-meter wander off. –Conan O’Brien

There’s a rumor that one in 10 Europeans is conceived in an Ikea bed. So people putting together Ikea furniture are at least using one tool correctly. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well, finally a reason to live in New Jersey (So, it sounds like somebody had a hell of a weekend)

"Oh, and New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine has signed legislation

making marijuana legal, huh? Well, finally a reason to live in New

Jersey." –Jay Leno

"Jerry Sanders, the mayor of San Diego, said this week his views on gay marriage have evolved over time. He said he used to be against gay marriage, but now he's in favor of it. So, it sounds like somebody had a hell of a weekend." –Jay Leno

"The American Civil Liberties Union is defending America's favorite restroom enthusiast, Senator Larry Craig. 'Mr. Urinal,' they call him. Remember, he's the senator who got caught soliciting sex in the men's room at the Minneapolis airport. Well, now the ACLU said that sex in a public restroom is considered private if the door is closed. That's something to think about the next time you're putting that tissue liner around the toilet bowl." --Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Why are we celebrating? I just spent 114 years in New Jersey. (Now you do me)

The oldest living American, a New Jersey woman, has just turned 114. At her birthday party she said, “Why are we celebrating? I just spent 114 years in New Jersey.” –Conan O’Brien

"In San Diego, a man refused to be patted down by airport security and some people are calling him a hero. I don't mind being patted down by airport security, but I don't like it when the guy says, 'Now you do me.'" –Conan O'Brien

Archaeologists in Israel have discovered an ancient formation as old as Stonehenge that’s known as the "Wheel of Giants." They claim that ancient locals used to gather around the wheel nightly and purchase vowels. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, sounds like somebody had a hell of a weekend (Thank goodness! It was just maintenance neglect)

"Southwest Airlines said that the hole that ripped through the fuselage of one of their airplanes was not terrorism-related. Thank goodness! It was just maintenance neglect." –Jay Leno

"Jerry Sanders, the mayor of San Diego, said this week his views on gay marriage have evolved over time. He said he used to be against gay marriage, but now he's in favor of it. So, sounds like somebody had a hell of a weekend." –Jay Leno

"Next month in Toronto, Canada, former President George W. Bush will debate former President Bill Clinton. The question of the debate -- is it worse to lie to your wife or lie to the entire country?" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it's not exactly the resurrection of the Easter bunny, but it's fun for the kids (Out of force of habit, he blamed George Bush)

"Anderson Cooper did a show this week from inside that half-mile long drug smuggling tunnel between San Diego and Mexico. It's quite an amazing tunnel. It has lighting, ventilation, a rail car, a Starbucks..." –Jimmy Kimmel

"The miracle of Hanukkah is that there was only enough oil to keep the menorah lit for one night and it lasted for eight nights. As far as religious miracles go, it's not exactly the resurrection of the Easter bunny, but it's fun for the kids." –Jimmy Kimmel

"President Obama received 12 stitches in his lip after being elbowed in the mouth during a basketball game. Out of force of habit, he blamed George Bush." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

there are some things Mike Tyson will not do (Now you do me)

"In San Diego, a man refused to be patted down by airport security and some people are calling him a hero. I don't mind being patted down by airport security, but I don't like it when the guy says, 'Now you do me.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Voters in Arizona have approved a measure allowing medical marijuana. Arizona is now the 15th state where you can pretend to have glaucoma." –Conan O'Brien

"Speaking of former presidents, I'm not making this up. Former President Clinton apparently has a cameo in he new "Hangover 2" movie. Yep. When asked why Clinton is in the movie, the producers said there are some things Mike Tyson will not do." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And, of course, Trump sued New Mexico for obvious reasons (Before he left, he sampled all 32 flavors)

Here's a big story. 16 states are now suing Trump after he declared a national emergency to get money for his wall. Well, now Trump is getting back at some of those states by filing lawsuits against them. Check these out. First up, Trump sued Hawaii for putting pineapple on pizza and acting like it's normal. Next up, he sued Colorado for giving Utah and Wyoming a contact high. Up next, he wanted to take Rhode Island to court for not really being an island. Fake news. And, of course, Trump sued New Mexico for obvious reasons. --Jimmy Fallon

The heir to Baskin-Robbins is walking away from the company so he can promote healthy living instead. But this was annoying. Before he left, he sampled all 32 flavors. --Jimmy Fallon

Over a dozen people in San Diego had to be rescued after they got stuck on a gondola at SeaWorld for four hours. When they heard that, the whales at SeaWorld were like, "Oh, wow. Trapped for four hours. Trapped, huh? For four whole hours? Yeah, wow. Sounds terrible." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Wall Street has to wait an hour after eating to go swimming (and other forms of birth control)

"President Obama signed into law a sweeping financial reform. The law started out strong, but got watered down as it went through Congress. Basically, the law now says that Wall Street has to wait an hour after eating to go swimming." –Jimmy Kimmel

"The big comic book convention, Comic-Con, starts tomorrow in San Diego. This is a week-long convention of comic books, science fiction, video games, and other forms of birth control." –Jimmy Fallon

"British Prime Minister David Cameron is visiting the U.S. and yesterday he and President Obama gave each other pieces of art. That really wasn't necessary, Britain. You've already given us a huge oil painting." –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Well, finally a reason to live in New Jersey (sounds like somebody had a hell of a weekend)

"Jerry Sanders, the mayor of San Diego, said this week his views on gay marriage have evolved over time. He said he used to be against gay marriage, but now he's in favor of it. So, sounds like somebody had a hell of a weekend." –Jay Leno

"Oh, and New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine has signed legislation making marijuana legal, huh? Well, finally a reason to live in New Jersey." –Jay Leno

"The Supreme Court today ruled in a five votes to four decision that corporations can now spend as much as they want on political campaigns. In other words, if Exxon or Dow wants to support a candidate, they can give him or her as much money as they want. I can’t see that having any negative repercussions, can you? The court ruled that corporations should be given the same right to free speech as people, which is — I mean, corporations are not people, and if they were people, they’d be real jerks." –Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Even Elon Musk is like, “That’s pretty brilliant." (Hey I'm Just Big-Boned)

Elon Musk's company SpaceX is pretty amazing. They've successfully launched the world's most powerful rocket into space headed towards Mars. The rocket is named Falcon Heavy, although it prefers to be called Falcon Hey I'm Just Big-Boned. --James Corden

If Trump refuses the interview, Robert Mueller could subpoena him to testify before a grand jury. Which would be OK with Trump, provided it was the grandest jury, the most luxurious jury of all the juries. --James Corden

A Girl Scout in San Diego sold 300 boxes of Girl Scout cookies in six hours after she set up shop in front of a weed dispensary. Genius! Even Elon Musk is like, “That’s pretty brilliant." --James Corden

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

I, for one, waited for my guests to leave (Donald Trump vs. Payback’s a B***h)

It has come out that Patriots fans turned to porn immediately after the Super Bowl. Well, ladies and gentlemen, as a Patriots fan, I’d just like to say that I, for one, waited for my guests to leave. --Conan O’Brien

In San Diego, a Girl Scout is in trouble for selling cookies outside a legal weed dispensary. However, the girl isn’t worried, because she is now worth $200 million. --Conan O’Brien

The Mexican-American judge that Donald Trump insulted may hear a case about his border wall. It’s the landmark case of Donald Trump vs. Payback’s a B***h. --Conan O’Brien

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

the groom came home with 12 brides (I'll just stick with Little Nemo)

The other day in Australia, a wedding took place inside a Costco. Because it was Costco, the groom came home with 12 brides. –Conan O’Brien

San Diego has started building a border wall. Not to keep out immigrants, but to keep the LA Chargers from coming back. –Conan O’Brien

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans