technically classified as a prison (*and I alone*)

According to a new poll, Newark Liberty is the country’s least favorite airport. But only because LaGuardia is technically classified as a prison. –Seth Meyers

"A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby right in the middle of the flight. I'm happy to report that the mother and child are doing fine, while the guy who was sitting next to her is not." –Seth Meyers

First up, sledding. Hey, sledding, you combine my two favorite things -- having my legs broken and being at the bottom of a massive hill with broken legs. Let's be real. Sledding is just an excuse for parents to shove their kid down a hill without Child Protective Services getting involved. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Or at least that's what they told them it was (At least not on my finger)

Two blind passengers were left behind on a Southwest flight. Well, whose fault is that? Is it the airline or the blind person who says, "I know. I'll travel with another blind person.” Meanwhile, the airline the airline offered each woman a $100 travel voucher. Or at least that's what they told them it was. —Greg Gutfeld

The Daily Beast called my appearance on Jimmy Fallon a ‘softball chat’ and that Jimmy fawned all over me. And here I thought the Daily Beast was what Joy Behar ordered every morning from the pig farm. New York mags Vulture accused Jimmy of kissing the conservative ring. Hell, I wasn't even wearing a ring. At least not on my finger. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Business Class (work is bad for you)

A skydiver in California just became the first person to jump out of a plane from 25,000 feet without a parachute and land in a net. Or as Southwest Airlines calls that, “Business Class.” –Jimmy Fallon

A recent study shows that standing at work for long periods of time is bad for you, after earlier research indicated that sitting for too long at work is bad for you. So really the only thing we know is, work is bad for you. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What you hope for vs What they mean (It was just maintenance neglect)

"Congressman Anthony Weiner has just checked himself into a treatment centre for people battling chronic sexual dysfunction. Checked in? He's already there, it's called Congress." –Jay Leno  6/13/2011

"Southwest Airlines said that the hole that ripped through the fuselage of one of their airplanes was not terrorism-related. Thank goodness! It was just maintenance neglect." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

In a related story Bill Clinton just booked a flight on Southwest (two landing strips)

A Southwest Airlines flight had to return to the gate after a female passenger stripped naked and raced up and down the aisle. In a related story Bill Clinton just booked a flight on Southwest. —Greg Gutfeld

The naked woman ran around on the flight for 25 minutes. It confused many of the passengers who ended up seeing two landing strips that day. —Greg Gutfeld

Meanwhile an Air India flight was forced to return to the US because of clogged toilets. Sorry about that, said Jerry Nadler. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Well there goes Joe Biden (#anythingtosay)

Two flyers on a Southwest Airlines flight were thrilled to learn they were the only passengers on the flight. Their joy wore off when they realized the plane was empty because Jerry Nadler had just used the inflight bathroom. —Greg Gutfeld

Elon Musk defended his email demanding federal workers report their accomplishments saying anyone with a heartbeat could complete it. Well there goes Joe Biden. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

When you give them a dollar, you have to make sure it's not crinkled and facing the right way (recline forward)

Last night at the Consumer Electronics Show in Vegas, there was a party that featured robot strippers. They said the annoying thing about robot strippers is when you give them a dollar, you have to make sure it's not crinkled and facing the right way. --Jimmy Fallon

Some news for travelers here. I read that British Airways is getting rid of reclining seats on their planes. And if you think that's bad, Southwest just announced that their new seats only recline forward. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Praising the Deep State (the guy who was sitting next to her is not)

After the Bush family announced that they will not attend this

week's Republican National Convention, Newt Gingrich this

morning told interviewers that he believes the Bushes are

behaving childishly. When reached for comment, Jeb hid behind

his mom's leg. –Seth Meyers

"A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby right

in the middle of the flight. I'm happy to report that the mother and

child are doing fine, while the guy who was sitting next to her is

not." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

well, at least my Covid got a second term ($ellout/Business Class)

“President Biden has a rebound case of Covid. Right now, Biden’s looking on the bright side. He’s like ‘well, at least my Covid got a second term.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“I wonder about that single Illinois ticket that won the $1.34 Billion Mega Millions jackpot over the weekend. The winner hasn’t come forward yet, so either they’re contacting financial experts, or they’re at home being like, ‘crap, where is it, I went swimming, no one turn on the washing machine!’” —Jimmy Fallon

A skydiver in California just became the first person to jump out of a plane from 25,000 feet without a parachute and land in a net. Or as Southwest Airlines calls that, “Business Class.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Sledding is just an excuse for parents to shove their kid down a hill without Child Protective Services getting involved

First up, sledding. Hey, sledding, you combine my two favorite things -- having my legs broken and being at the bottom of a massive hill with broken legs. Let's be real. Sledding is just an excuse for parents to shove their kid down a hill without Child Protective Services getting involved. --Seth Meyers

"A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby right in the middle of the flight. I'm happy to report that the mother and child are doing fine, while the guy who was sitting next to her is not." –Seth Meyers

The University of Vermont has announced that they will now offer a course on the science of marijuana. The earliest it’s offered is 2 p.m. –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

because we all know how much dogs hate doin' it (nurses mainly)

Researchers at Cornell have successfully bred the first puppies in a test tube. Which is great, because we all know how much dogs hate doin' it. –Conan O’Brien

This is really weird, in Germany a woman who recently won a beauty pageant just admitted she used to be a man. Which explains why her talent for the pageant was hiding her testicles. --Conan O’Brien 7/13/2005

"A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby. As soon as he was born, the baby said, 'I had more leg room in the womb.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

there is one White Castle skill that a robot will never master (Even more upsetting, it was during the Kiss Cam)

Michigan State apologized after an image of Adolf Hitler appeared on a stadium video board at a football game. Even more upsetting, it was during the Kiss Cam. —Colin Jost

Southwest Airlines has introduced a new feature on its App that lets passengers track their bags. Southwest, why don’t YOU tell us where your bag is. —Colin Jost

The world’s oldest dog ever has died at the age of 31. And some experts believe it could have lived even longer if I had looked before backing out of the driveway. —Colin Jost

White Castle has begun replacing its fry cooks with robots. But there is one White Castle skill that a robot will never master. Jumping over a counter to choke a customer. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I can’t talk now, I’m on the phone with the governor of Narnia (Even worse, he referred to cows as spotted milk horses)

A transcript from President Trump’s phone call with the Australian prime minister was just leaked and at one point, Trump referred to U.S. dairy farmers as local milk people. Even worse, he referred to cows as spotted milk horses. –Jimmy Fallon

Donald Trump was actually busted for saying that a bunch of people called to compliment him this week, when they hadn’t. When asked about it today, Trump said, “I can’t talk now, I’m on the phone with the governor of Narnia.” –Jimmy Fallon

A skydiver in California just became the first person to jump out of a plane from 25,000 feet without a parachute and land in a net. Or as Southwest Airlines calls that, “Business Class.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

I had more leg room in the womb (Salute to Kid Rock)

The U.S. Postal Service announced that they will release their first scratch-and-sniff stamps. That explains why they’ve canceled their "Salute to Kid Rock." --Conan O’Brien

A sinkhole has opened up on the White House lawn. So apparently, another one of Melania's tunnels collapsed. --Conan O’Brien

"A woman on a Southwest Airlines flight gave birth to a baby. As soon as he was born, the baby said, 'I had more leg room in the womb.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The people don't know their true power (their new seats only recline forward)

"New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is hoping to win re-election tomorrow, and polls show that he's winning by a 19-point margin. Christie was really excited to hear that — but only because he thought someone said 'margarine.'" –Jimmy Fallon

Some news for travelers here. I read that British Airways is getting rid of reclining seats on their planes. And if you think that's bad, Southwest just announced that their new seats only recline forward. --Jimmy Fallon

In a recent interview, Donald Trump hinted that he might consider Chris Christie for his ticket if he wins the nomination. Not to be his vice president — to be his wall between America and Mexico. –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

according to the Constitution, if they don't have a speaker by tomorrow, the top contenders have to compete in a dance-off (parking space)

January 2023

“At this point, Kevin McCarthy's so unpopular, even Southwest Airlines feels bad for him, you know?” —Jimmy Fallon

“But this is interesting -- according to the Constitution, if they don't have a speaker by tomorrow, the top contenders have to compete in a dance-off.” —Jimmy Fallon

“That's right, McCarthy has already lost six votes to get the job. It's pretty humiliating, but he's not giving up. He's even got a different campaign slogan for each round of voting. For the first vote, his slogan was… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. I’ll speak for you.’ For the second vote, it was… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. Second times a charm.’ For the third vote, it was… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. Okay, what they hell, guys?’ For the next vote, it was… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. Is this cuz I sent everyone edible arrangements for Christmas?’ Then it was… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. Wait, now I’m losing to the avocado from The Masked Singer?’ Next it’s… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. Look, I’m not going to beg.’ Then it was… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. Alright, I’m begging.’ Then it was… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. Whoever wrote-in Wednesday Addams on the last ballot can shove it. If Thing were here, he’d give you the finger.’ Then it was… ‘McCarthy for Speaker. I’m honestly starting to think this is personal.’ And finally, it’s... ‘McCarthy for Speaker. Guess I’ll be the first republican to storm Out of the capitol.’” —Jimmy Fallon

“Today, President Biden travelled to Kentucky where he made a rare joint appearance with Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell. It was actually a very sweet moment when they fell asleep during each other's speeches.” —Jimmy Fallon

“McConnell even got to ride in the presidential limo. And unlike Trump, Biden didn't have the car suddenly pull away every time Mitch tried to get in.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The speech went well, but the lightning shooting from her hands was a bit much (the most feared individual on the planet)

Tonight Hillary Clinton gave her big speech at the Democratic Convention, officially accepting the nomination for president. The speech went well, but the lightning shooting from her hands was a bit much. –Jimmy Fallon

A skydiver in California just became the first person to jump out of a plane from 25,000 feet without a parachute and land in a net. Or as Southwest Airlines calls that, “Business Class.” –Jimmy Fallon

Last night, the New York Mets lost to the Washington Nationals, 25-4. Or as Mets fans put it, "Sweet. We scored four runs. Awesome." --Jimmy Fallon

A new study finds that George Clooney has the most handsome face because of his eyes, nose, chin, and mouth. In other words, he has the most handsome face because of his face. –Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Doctors are working around the clock to make sure this condition continues (it's a total housekeeper magnet)

"Conservative commentator Glenn Beck is suffering from paralyzed vocal cords that have made him unable to speak. But not to worry – doctors are working around the clock to make sure this condition continues." –Conan O'Brien

Three Southwest Airlines baggage handlers are accused of smuggling drugs in luggage. The officials became suspicious when every single one of the Southwest bags made it to its destination.—Conan O’Brien

"House Speaker John Boehner called NSA's Edward Snowden a traitor. But only because he leaked the name of his tanning bed." –Conan O'Brien

"Arnold Schwarzenegger has not taken off his wedding ring. When asked why, he said it's a total housekeeper magnet." –Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

So, sounds like somebody had a hell of a weekend (Thank goodness! It was just maintenance neglect)

"Southwest Airlines said that the hole that ripped through the fuselage of one of their airplanes was not terrorism-related. Thank goodness! It was just maintenance neglect." –Jay Leno

"Jerry Sanders, the mayor of San Diego, said this week his views on gay marriage have evolved over time. He said he used to be against gay marriage, but now he's in favor of it. So, sounds like somebody had a hell of a weekend." –Jay Leno

"Next month in Toronto, Canada, former President George W. Bush will debate former President Bill Clinton. The question of the debate -- is it worse to lie to your wife or lie to the entire country?" --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”