They say it could generate roughly $13 gazillion (this guy was the victim of a sting operation)

And finally, the news from my homeland. A burglar in London recently attempted to sneak into a building through the backyard area and ended up disturbing the owner's beehive and the burglar was then chased away by a swarm of 80,000 angry bees. It sounds like this guy was the victim of a sting operation. --James Corden

Apparently, LeBron's talk show is going to be him and four random guests you may or may not have heard of. You know, like when he plays basketball. --James Corden

Senators in Rhode Island are proposing a new bill that would charge residents a one-time fee of $20 to access online pornography. State budget experts say this new porn bill could be profitable. They say it could generate roughly $13 gazillion. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Hey, join the club (isn't that called New Jersey?)

"And during a speech at a high school, former President George

W. Bush said he's really enjoying the fact that he's no longer

president. Hey, join the club." --Jay Leno

"An oil slick the size of Rhode Island is making its way across the Gulf of Mexico. An oil slick the size of Rhode Island — isn't that called New Jersey?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Anyway, long story short, Caesar's Palace now owns Rhode Island (That should definitely liven up the next season of The Bachelor)

“Tonight, President Biden attended a big Democratic fundraiser in Las Vegas. Yep, not really the best timing for Biden. Yesterday, he assured us the banking system is safe, and 24 hours later, he rolled up in Vegas. He's like, ‘Putting it all on black.’ Anyway, long story short, Caesar's Palace now owns Rhode Island. So, no big deal.”  —Jimmy Fallon

“Did you guys see this? Pope Francis suggested that he's open to reviewing the Catholic church’s vow of celibacy for priests. That should definitely liven up the next season of The Bachelor.” —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

where he'll fit right in (Isn't that called New Jersey?)

"An oil slick the size of Rhode Island is making its way across the Gulf of Mexico. An oil slick the size of Rhode Island — isn't that called New Jersey?" –Jay Leno

"Former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford is the guy who told his wife he was going for a hike and then went to Argentina to see his girlfriend. He was then exposed as an unethical, lying, cheating weasel. In a stunning comeback, he has been elected to Congress, where he'll fit right in." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Anyway, long story short, Caesar's Palace now owns Rhode Island. So, no big deal (You know it’s cold outside when...)

The blizzard is also supposed to hit Washington, D.C. You know it’s cold outside when the Washington Monument actually shrinks about 40 feet. –Jimmy Fallon 

“Tonight, President Biden attended a big Democratic fundraiser in Las Vegas. Yep, not really the best timing for Biden. Yesterday, he assured us the banking system is safe, and 24 hours later, he rolled up in Vegas. He's like, ‘Putting it all on black.’ Anyway, long story short, Caesar's Palace now owns Rhode Island. So, no big deal.”  —Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

They say it could generate roughly $13 gazillion (the only ones screaming)

Here’s a story from my homeland and I could not be prouder today. In England a group of nearly 200 Brits set a world record, wait for it, it’s so moving. They set a world record for the most people to ride a roller coaster completely naked. Yeah, that’s what we have to offer the world. This is the first time that people watching the roller coaster were the only ones screaming. --James Corden

Senators in Rhode Island are proposing a new bill that would charge residents a one-time fee of $20 to access online pornography. State budget experts say this new porn bill could be profitable. They say it could generate roughly $13 gazillion. --James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

On the bright side, Tim Tebow scored 12 touchdowns (11 of them were made by Dick Cheney)

A youth football team in Rhode Island was kicked out of its league after they snuck an adult man into their starting lineup. On the bright side, Tim Tebow scored 12 touchdowns. –Conan O’Brien

A new report in Indiana has found that thousands of dead people are still registered to vote. Which explains why today, Donald Trump held four rallies and three séances. –Conan O’Brien

"Former President Bush is writing his memoirs and he says they will focus on 12 major decisions he made in his life. The weird thing is, 11 of them were made by Dick Cheney." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

What if you're trying to get out? (But Rhode Island isn't!!)

The Secret Service's new presidential limo cost $1.5 million and reportedly includes features such as the ability to electrify door handles to shock anyone trying to get inside. "What if you're trying to get out?" asked one woman [photo of Melania Trump]. --Seth Meyers

President Trump said today that getting relief efforts to Puerto Rico after the devastation caused by Hurricane Maria is tough because "It's an island." And then, proving he just learned it, yelled, "But Rhode Island isn't!!" –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

If you wonder why he's waiting, it's because it takes him that long to gather a crowd (isn't that called New Jersey?)

"What's the difference between Lindsay Lohan and Rick Perry? It only takes Lindsay four and a half hours to finish a sentence." –Jay Leno

"More problems with the auto industry. General Motors announced a recall of 1.3 million cars because of a steering problem. Apparently, the cars are unable to steer out of the path of oncoming Toyotas." –Jay Leno

"Newt Gingrich is going to announce next week that he is dropping out of the presidential race. If you wonder why he's waiting, it's because it takes him that long to gather a crowd." –Jay Leno

"An oil slick the size of Rhode Island is making its way across the Gulf of Mexico. An oil slick the size of Rhode Island — isn't that called New Jersey?" –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Well, maybe if you mowed lawns over the summer like I told you, you could afford that new kidney that you wanted (More power to the arm)

This is already making a little bit of controversy. Jason Chaffetz says poor people need to choose between healthcare or a new iPhone. And just like a Samsung Galaxy 7, that comment blew up in his face. Did I hear him correctly? Is he saying health insurance costs the same as a phone? Hey Jason, a phone isn’t supposed to literally cost you an arm and a leg. His comment was cold. Even Siri was like, “Are you not a human being?” But the real problem is he’s talking to the American people like he’s talking to his own kids. “Well, maybe if you mowed lawns over the summer like I told you, you could afford that new kidney that you wanted.” –James Corden

Senators in Rhode Island are proposing a new bill that would charge residents a one-time fee of $20 to access online pornography. State budget experts say this new porn bill could be profitable. They say it could generate roughly $13 gazillion. --James Corden

“Joe Biden’s a front-runner now, but it can’t be a great sign that his number one constituency is people who don’t want to see or hear from Joe Biden. Basically all Joe Biden has to do is lay low in South America for the next eight months — he’ll beat Trump in a landslide.” —James Corden

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

If you wonder why he's waiting, it's because it takes him that long to gather a crowd (Send in the Russians!!!)

"Newt Gingrich is going to announce next week that he is dropping out of the presidential race. If you wonder why he's waiting, it's because it takes him that long to gather a crowd." –Jay Leno

"It's happening more and more. The New Hampshire Senate now has passed a bill that would legalize same-sex marriage in New Hampshire. So, New Hampshire could go from the Granite State to the Tasteful Marble Countertop State." --Jay Leno

"An oil slick the size of Rhode Island is making its way across the Gulf of Mexico. An oil slick the size of Rhode Island — isn't that called New Jersey?" –Jay Leno

"Last week, President Obama gave a speech in New York City about his plan to reform these rules on Wall Street, you know? And one embarrassing moment. When the head of Goldman Sachs was going through security, he was asked to empty his pockets and five Republican senators fell out." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

That's not a job for the president. Where's Joe Biden? (Power of the People)

"President Obama left a campaign event in Rhode Island yesterday saying he had to go home to 'walk the dog and scoop the poop.' That's not a job for the president. Where's Joe Biden?" –Jay Leno

"New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has canceled a train tunnel between New York and New Jersey. As a result, New Yorkers will have to get to New Jersey the same as they always have — by accident." –Jimmy Fallon

"This week senators passed a limited ethics bill. It's something congress knows a lot about. Limited ethics. Some of the new rules are pretty tough, like from now on, all bribe money has to be in a clear plastic bag." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

And, of course, Trump sued New Mexico for obvious reasons (Before he left, he sampled all 32 flavors)

Here's a big story. 16 states are now suing Trump after he declared a national emergency to get money for his wall. Well, now Trump is getting back at some of those states by filing lawsuits against them. Check these out. First up, Trump sued Hawaii for putting pineapple on pizza and acting like it's normal. Next up, he sued Colorado for giving Utah and Wyoming a contact high. Up next, he wanted to take Rhode Island to court for not really being an island. Fake news. And, of course, Trump sued New Mexico for obvious reasons. --Jimmy Fallon

The heir to Baskin-Robbins is walking away from the company so he can promote healthy living instead. But this was annoying. Before he left, he sampled all 32 flavors. --Jimmy Fallon

Over a dozen people in San Diego had to be rescued after they got stuck on a gondola at SeaWorld for four hours. When they heard that, the whales at SeaWorld were like, "Oh, wow. Trapped for four hours. Trapped, huh? For four whole hours? Yeah, wow. Sounds terrible." --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I Spy a Concrete Barricade (Good to see Ann Coulter getting some work)

"For someone who's so into praying, [George W. Bush] really sucks at it. God never listens to him. So the president happened to miss one warning [about Katrina breaches]. Not a big deal. Unfortunately, by the next night, the Homeland Security Operations Center continued to report that no levees had been breached, despite having received at least 16 reports to the contrary. It's really just a simple case of he said, and they, they, they, they and they said." --Jon Stewart

"Something happened last night, I was down in Washington, D.C., love it down there, can't get enough of that city. Anyway, I was out with my buddy, Rep. Patrick Kennedy of Rhode Island, and we were driving home, and I suggested we play a game of I Spy a Concrete Barricade. Patrick is a fierce competitor and, well, he won." --Stephen Colbert

"Anybody here from New Zealand? They have a big, new attraction. It's a live sex show in New Zealand. They have actual bulls mounting a simulated cow. Good to see Ann Coulter getting some work." --David Letterman

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They say it could generate roughly $13 gazillion (You can borrow my leeches!)

A Washington State woman has been charged with attempted murder for allegedly attacking her boyfriend with a samurai sword after she found the dating app Tinder on his phone. When reached for comment, the man said, “THIS, Rebecca. THIS is the kind of stuff I’m talking about.” --Seth Meyers

According to Reuters, a growing number of athletes are attempting to speed up the muscle recovery process after strenuous exercise by using leeches. [shows photo of Don Jr., Eric, and Ivanka] “You can borrow my leeches!” said Trump. --Seth Meyers

Senators in Rhode Island are proposing a new bill that would charge residents a one-time fee of $20 to access online pornography. State budget experts say this new porn bill could be profitable. They say it could generate roughly $13 gazillion. --James Corden

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

slash the tires on all the ambulances (But Rhode Island isn't!!)

Senate Republicans announced today they will not hold a vote on the Graham-Cassidy bill to repeal and replace Obamacare after they were unable to secure enough support. But Republicans plan to come back with a new plan where they just slash the tires on all the ambulances. –Seth Meyers

President Trump said today that getting relief efforts to Puerto Rico after the devastation caused by Hurricane Maria is tough because "It's an island." And then, proving he just learned it, yelled, "But Rhode Island isn't!!" –Seth Meyers

     

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #books #Bernie2020 #repealreplacerepublicans

That’s the most corporate message of all time (Attractive Lives Matter)

It starts with a throng of beautiful, multiethnic people protesting in the streets of, I’m going to guess Newport, Rhode Island. So far, we don’t know what has caused all of America’s hot extras to take to the streets, but I’m guessing it’s a protest for Attractive Lives Matter. –Stephen Colbert

The signs they’re holding aren’t much help figuring things out. They say things like “peace,” and the peace symbol, and “Join the conversation.” That’s the most corporate message of all time. They might as well be holding signs that say, “We are all the core demographic.” –Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020

Hillary has accused Obama of trying to dump a bucket of water on her and make her melt

"There have been charges of foul play from both sides. Obama has accused Clinton of smearing him by implying that he's a Muslim or Muslim-sympathizer, and Clinton has accused Obama and his people of trying to dump a bucket of water on her and make her melt." --Jimmy Kimmel

"I guess Obama won Vermont. Clinton won Rhode Island, which is a tiny little state. It's only the size of a head of a pin. We don't know who won Ohio or Texas yet. Obama was ahead in Texas. Hillary's not going to quit though, even if she loses. She told her supporters tonight, 'If we pull out now, the guy I tried to make look like a terrorist wins, and we don't want that.'" --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html #JusticeDemocrats #Bernie2020

putting hot sauce on a pledge’s genitals (Hofstra University Blues)

A fraternity at Hofstra University is in trouble for a hazing ritual that included putting hot sauce on a pledge’s genitals. The hot sauce was so hot that the guy is now pledging a sorority. –Conan O’Brien

Ladies and gentlemen, he did it. He won again. Donald Trump has just been named Time magazine’s Person of the Year for 2016. The shocking thing about this is that Time magazine thinks Trump is a person. –James Corden

The editors of Time magazine voted to make Donald Trump Person of the Year, although to be fair, 2.7 million more editors voted for Hillary Clinton, but the editors from Florida get more votes than editors from Rhode Island. It’s complicated. –James Corden

Tim Tebow scored 12 touchdowns (two months before Jesus was born)

It’s come out that Donald Trump has spent a large portion of his campaign donations buying copies of his own book, “The Art of the Deal.” Trump supporters are angry that he misused their money, and even angrier that he bought a book. –Conan O’Brien

A youth football team in Rhode Island was kicked out of its league after they snuck an adult man into their starting lineup. On the bright side, Tim Tebow scored 12 touchdowns. –Conan O’Brien

This is the biggest night for Major League Baseball in a very long time. Not your usual World Series. Tonight from Cleveland, game one between the Indians and the Cubs. Two perennial losers. Neither the Cubs nor Indians have won the World Series since two months before Jesus was born. –Jimmy Kimmel