Oooh, looks like I’ll have to be punished for that... (a spray-tanned germaphobe who goes to the bathroom on a gold toilet)

So Donald Trump endorsed L.L. Bean on Twitter — because if anybody represents the rugged great outdoors, it’s a spray-tanned germaphobe who goes to the bathroom on a gold toilet. –Conan O’Brien

The movie "Fifty Shades of Grey" has gotten a Razzie nomination for Worst Film of the Year. Upon hearing this, the film's director said, "Oooh, looks like I’ll have to be punished for that...” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oooh, looks like I’ll have to be punished for that... (outliving the warranty)

"Some New Jersey Democrats have started an investigation to get Chris Christie out of the governor's mansion. And by governor's mansion they mean the White Castle at exit 8." –Conan O'Brien

The movie "Fifty Shades of Grey" has gotten a Razzie nomination for Worst Film of the Year. Upon hearing this, the film's director said, "Oooh, looks like I’ll have to be punished for that...” –Conan O’Brien

A Chinese investment firm has bought the company behind the Batman movies. Which explains why in the next Batman movie, a young Bruce Wayne sees his parents killed, then goes back to making iPhones at the factory. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Then the president added, 'but don't tell anybody.' (Oooh, looks like I’ll have to be punished for that...)

"At a press conference yesterday, for the first time, President Bush acknowledged the existence of secret CIA prisons. Then the president added, 'but don't tell anybody.'" --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush met with the prime minister of Israel and the prime minister told Bush that he intends to defend Israel's borders. When he heard this, Bush said, 'You mean you have trouble with Mexicans, too?'" --Conan O'Brien

The movie "Fifty Shades of Grey" has gotten a Razzie nomination for Worst Film of the Year. Upon hearing this, the film's director said, "Oooh, looks like I’ll have to be punished for that...” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oooh, looks like I’ll have to be punished for that... (I thought that was Higgins from Magnum P.I.)

"Now, some people are really upset because President Obama

has decided to redecorate the Oval Office, and he got rid of

former President Bush's bust of Winston Churchill. When

he heard about it, Bush was furious and said, 'Winston

Churchill? I thought that was Higgins from 'Magnum

P.I.'" –Conan O'Brien

So Donald Trump endorsed L.L. Bean on Twitter — because if anybody represents the rugged great outdoors, it’s a spray-tanned germaphobe who goes to the bathroom on a gold toilet. –Conan O’Brien

The movie "Fifty Shades of Grey" has gotten a Razzie nomination for Worst Film of the Year. Upon hearing this, the film's director said, "Oooh, looks like I’ll have to be punished for that...” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

My advice: Charge $10 per high five. He will be a billionaire by the weekend. (That’s OK, I like being dominated)

At the box office this past weekend, “Lego Batman” beat out the sequel to “Fifty Shades of Grey.” When asked for comment, the movie “Fifty Shades” said, “That’s OK, I like being dominated.” –Conan O’Brien

"When asked about gay marriage, Donald Trump said, 'It's not my thing.' Trump went on to say marriage is a sacred bond between a man and a woman he will replace in six years." –Conan O'Brien

"The Navy SEAL responsible for killing Osama bin Laden says he's having trouble finding work. My advice: Charge $10 per high five. He will be a billionaire by the weekend." –Conan O'Brien

“Yesterday Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, and Mitt Romney all said that if elected president they would eliminate porn. In a related story, President Obama has already been re-elected.” –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Oooh, looks like I’ll have to be punished for that (For a while, I was their prime suspect)

The movie "Fifty Shades of Grey" has gotten a Razzie nomination for Worst

Film of the Year. Upon hearing this, the film's director said, "Oooh, looks like

I’ll have to be punished for that...” –Conan O’Brien

A Chinese investment firm has bought the company behind the Batman

movies. Which explains why in the next Batman movie, a young Bruce

Wayne sees his parents killed, then goes back to making iPhones at

the factory. –Conan O’Brien

A man in Portland stole a 2-foot python from a pet store by putting it in his

pants. For a while, I was their prime suspect. –Conan O’Brien

President Vladimir Putin said that Russia has invented the world's most

effective drug to fight Ebola. Yeah. When asked if he tested it on rats,

Putin said, "You could call them that. Sure, yeah, yeah. They're rats."

–Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's an even tie between not Barack Obama and not Mitt Romney (Money Bags)

October 2012

"The second presidential debate is on tonight. President Obama is now saying he was too polite to Mitt Romney in the first debate. Obama now plans to address Romney as 'Money Bag.'" –Conan O'Brien

"One of President Obama's goals tonight is to win back female voters. Which explains why Obama is going to answer every question with a passage from 'Fifty Shades of Grey.'" –Conan O'Brien

"After Paul Ryan stopped by for a photo op at a soup kitchen, the head of the charity said Ryan did nothing. In other words, that man is ready to be vice president." –Conan O'Brien

"Ross Perot has endorsed Mitt Romney. This could help Romney get the vote of people you forgot were still alive." –Conan O'Brien

"The Obama campaign is releasing a new ad showing Americans whose financial situation has improved over the past four years. Unfortunately, the only person who appears in the ad is Mitt Romney." –Conan O'Brien

"Polling across the country shows the presidential race is now neck and neck. It's an even tie between not Barack Obama and not Mitt Romney." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Then it got weird when she added, 'Again.' (The haves fighting the really haves)

August 2012

"It’s National Senior Citizen’s Day, which is not to be confused with National Senior Citizen’s Week — the Republican Convention in Florida." –Jimmy Fallon

"A hurricane could threaten next week’s Republican National Convention in Tampa. It could really hurt Republicans — which explains its name, 'Hurricane Todd Akin.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"According to a new report by the Tax Policy Center, the gap between the rich and the super rich is growing wider. This could split the Republican Party in two. The haves fighting the really haves." –Jay Leno

"Happy birthday to gold medalist sprinter Usain Bolt. He turned 26 this week. You know the sad thing? His world record time has already been broken by Republicans running away from Missouri Congressman Todd Akin." –Jay Leno

"It was just announced that most of the speakers at this year’s Democratic National Convention will be women. But it’s going to be annoying when they stop speaking, but won’t tell you why." –Jimmy Fallon

"In a new interview, first lady Michelle Obama said she doesn’t have time to read 'Fifty Shades of Grey.' Then it got weird when she added, 'Again.'" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

JOKES: That’s OK, I like being dominated (What Buck?)

At the box office this past weekend, “Lego Batman” beat out the sequel to “Fifty Shades of Grey.” When asked for comment, the movie “Fifty Shades” said, “That’s OK, I like being dominated.” –Conan O’Brien

Astronomers say they now know the approximate weight of the Milky Way. They found this out by adding 10 pounds to the Milky Way’s weight on its Tinder profile. –Conan O’Brien

Thieves in London made off with $3 million worth of rare books from the Middle Ages. Authorities describe the suspect as “boring.” –Conan O’Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

For a while, I was their prime suspect

A man in Portland stole a 2-foot python from a pet store by putting it in his pants. For a while, I was their prime suspect. –Conan O’Brien

A Chinese investment firm has bought the company behind the Batman movies. Which explains why in the next Batman movie, a young Bruce Wayne sees his parents killed, then goes back to making iPhones at the factory. –Conan O’Brien

The movie "Fifty Shades of Grey" has gotten a Razzie nomination for Worst Film of the Year. Upon hearing this, the film's director said, "Oooh, looks like I’ll have to be punished for that...” –Conan O’Brien

As of yesterday, One Direction is officially breaking up. Also officially breaking up: my heart. –Conan O’Brien