she was deeply saddened to be reminded that your partner could live that long (Beaver Moon)

Melania Trump made a rare public appearance when she attended the funeral of former first lady Rosalyn Carter at the age of 96. Melania said that she was deeply saddened to be reminded that your partner could live that long. —Michael Che

In her new book, Liz Cheney claims that one republican called Donald Trump ‘Orange Jesus.’ But it’s like you always say Colin, there’s only one Jesus and he’s white. —Michael Che

One of the founders of the Black Lives Matter movement announced that he is supporting Donald Trump for President. And I’m going to assume he announced it at a traffic stop. —Michael Che

These week sky gazers were treated to the Beaver Moon, which is only visible for a few seconds when the moon gets out of the shower. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

It’s like buying Jurassic Park after the power went down and the cages are open (the key to the deodorant shelf)

April 2022

“After initially being denied, Elon Musk reached a deal to buy Twitter on Monday for roughly $44 billion. That’s right, people. Twitter said it would never sell to Elon Musk, and then he produced the cash and they’re like, ‘All right, we’ll sell.’ Yeah, I guess they found that edit button after all.” —Trevor Noah

“I honestly don’t know why Elon would want to own Twitter, all right? It just doesn’t feel like a fun place to supervise. It’s like buying Jurassic Park after the power went down and the cages are open.” —Trevor Noah

“So you see, by buying Twitter, Elon Music gets to own one of the most culturally influential publishing platforms in the world. I mean, remember this; think about it: Twitter is how the Arab Spring took off, all right? Black Lives Matter blew up on Twitter, the Me Too movement started on Twitter, Trump used Twitter to turn himself from a reality show joke into the 45th president of the United States and a joke. So owning Twitter gives you more power than the drugstore employee with the key to the deodorant shelf.” —Trevor Noah

“Yeah, everything that happens on Twitter from now on is up to him — and also whatever strain his weed guy gives him that day. I’m just saying: He gets the wrong Sativa, there could be a race war, people; prepare yourselves.” —Trevor Noah

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

I don’t know, maybe don’t tempt him? (We want our land back!)

November 2021

On Friday, Kyle Rittenhouse was found not guilty in the murder during two men during the Black Lives Matter protests. So hopefully he got all that shooting out of his system before he becomes a cop. —Michael Che

Protests are being held around the country in response to the acquittal of Kyle Rittenhouse, which is brave because Rittenhouse just got off for shooting protesters. I don’t know, maybe don’t tempt him? —Michael Che

Mel Gibson is reportedly in talks to direct a new Lethal Weapon movie. But if you want to see a broken down black guy team up with a handsome racist, just watch Weekend Update. —Michael Che

New research shows that before honey bees are killed by murder hornets they scream a rally cry to other bees who sadly just film the attack on their phones. —Michael Che

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

it is so cold that former Chicago Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. had his hands in his own pockets (Let's Sit)

February 2013

"Michelle Obama is actually here tonight to talk about her fitness initiative 'Let’s Move.' Meanwhile, Chris Christie will be on next week to talk about his initiative 'Let's Sit.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Al Qaeda has issued a list of 22 ways that al-Qaida members can avoid being killed by U.S. drones. Here’s a good one: Don't join al-Qaida." –Jay Leno

"A huge snowstorm has now hit 18 states. In fact, it is so cold that former Chicago Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. had his hands in his own pockets." –Jay Leno

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night 

of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Republicans are still claiming that there was no Jan. 6 this year (Hey, bro, wanna hang this weekend?)

May 2021

“OK, first of all, describing it as people without firearms coming into a building leaves out a lot of crucial context. It’s like writing a book report about ‘The Great Gatsby’ that says, ‘Man Enjoys Summer in the Hamptons.’ Also, it’s a lie — there were weapons, as the Justice Department, reporters and video have all documented. But even if that statement were true, it’s not very comforting. If a group of criminals breaks into your house with some baseball bats, smashes all your belongings and steals all your money, it wouldn’t exactly make you feel better if the cops were, like: ‘Hey, there are worse things in life. Eric Trump’s out there just hugging people in the street.’” —Seth Meyers

“The House voted today on legislation to create an independent commission tasked with investigating the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol, while House Republicans are still claiming that there was no Jan. 6 this year.” —Seth Meyers

“One person I was surprised to learn voted ‘no’ on this measure was Indiana Representative Greg Pence, who is Mike Pence’s own brother. Certainly changes the meaning of this text from Greg: ‘Hey, bro, wanna hang this weekend?’” —Stephen Colbert

“It’s important to remember that a mob of morons didn’t just materialize out of nowhere. People encouraged and inspired these morons. And they made security decisions that allowed these morons to break into what should be the most secure place in America – I mean, aside from wherever Ariana Grande held her wedding. Which is why many people in Congress are saying it’s important to investigate how this happened. Trump, unsurprisingly, decried the commission as ‘unbalanced’ and called for an investigation into Black Lives Matter protests in cities across the country last summer. Is Trump really trying to ‘all riots matter’ this commission?” —Trevor Noah

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

And that can be the verdict that one day we can celebrate (Damn Shame!)

April 2021

“After 10 hours of deliberation, a jury in Minneapolis decided that it’s illegal for the police to murder people; that Black Lives Matter. And while this is a step in the right direction, there’s still a lot of work to be done. Too often, justice isn’t served, and the need for police reform remains. We all must continue to call out injustice until things change for the better.” — Jimmy Fallon

“Real justice would be Black Americans not having to live in fear of being stopped by police and killed, and surely that is a verdict that we need to work towards. And that can be the verdict that one day we can celebrate.” — James Corden

“I think we’re all grateful that it went the way that it did. In this case, the jury made the correct decision, a unanimous decision, which is a step in the right direction. And I hope the verdict itself brings comfort to the family of George Floyd and all those who mourn his death. And I also want to say, ‘Good luck in prison, Derek, you’ll need it.’ That’s right. I hope you’re there for a very long time.” — Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

369 people in the last 115 days (justice for all America)

April 2021

“After 10 hours of deliberation, a jury in Minneapolis decided that it’s illegal for the police to murder people; that Black Lives Matter. It’s hard to celebrate, because a man is still dead, but there is a sense of relief that at least this one injustice was not compounded with indifference. And it could easily have gone the other way. No matter what you saw on that tape, this nation does not have a great track record on this subject. But at least in this case, this man faces accountability.” — Stephen Colbert

“But justice is a far more difficult goal. America still has a problem of over-policing and systemic racism, but hopefully this is a step toward a future where police being held accountable for their actions isn’t headline material, and a hope that accountability today is a deterrent for tomorrow.” — Stephen Colbert

“Today is one stop on a journey that began last May and led to protests calling for that accountability in every town and every city in America. But this is just one stop. There is more work to be done, and it’s work that all of us should be committed to, because as Ben Crump, the Floyd family lawyer, reminded us today, justice for Black America is justice for all America.” — Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2021/02/a-magisterial-collection.html 

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

the first time he’s ever been OK with using protection (Am I the bad guy here?)

December 2020

Mike Pence received the coronavirus vaccine on Friday which is the first time he’s ever been OK with using protection. —Michael Che

Mike Pence said when he got the vaccine shot, ‘I didn’t feel a thing.’ Which is also what he told himself over and over again after he saw Harry Styles in a dress. —Michael Che

During a Pro-Trump rally in Washington, D.C. protestors burned Black Lives Matter signs in front of two historic black churches. You know, I don’t want to be too judgmental here, but at some point when you’re setting fires at black churches, you got to stop and ask yourself, ‘Am I the bad guy here?’ —Michael Che

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

if you want well wishes from Trump, you’ve got to be in prison (All Houses Matter)

 “President Trump said in an interview yesterday that some men may feel insulted by Joe Biden’s decision to choose a woman as his running mate and added that Biden had, quote, ‘roped himself into a certain group of people.’ Lucky for Biden, that group of people is 51 percent of the population.” —Seth Meyers

“Unfortunately for Kamala Harris, if you want well wishes from Trump, you’ve got to be in prison.” —Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I mean, to them this must be like seeing Trump at a Black Lives Matter march with A.O.C. (You’ve been health’d!)

July 2020

On President Trump’s first public appearance in a mask during a weekend visit to the Walter Reed National Military Medical Center. “And look, I’m glad that Trump finally put a mask on, but it’s got to be confusing for his supporters who have been mocking face masks this whole time. I mean, to them this must be like seeing Trump at a Black Lives Matter march with A.O.C.” — Trevor Noah

“And I know that is part of the reason Trump resisted wearing the mask for so long is because he is self-conscious about his image, all right? That is why he didn’t want to do it. So let me go on record as saying: President Trump, don’t listen to any of the haters out there, saying you look like a diabetic Bane or Shredder from ‘The Ninja Turtles’ if all he shredded was cheese. You look great, so please keep wearing that mask.”— Trevor Noah

“And I just wanna say: Ha-ha! Fell for it, sucker. This was all the long con. We’ve been wearing ’em just to get you to look stupid. You’ve been health’d.” — Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

Polls show the majority of Americans support the movement (Good news…? It’s a start)

“On the resilience of the protest movement in the wake of George Floyd’s killing by police officer Derek Chauvin in Minneapolis. Polls show the majority of Americans support the movement; one poll found that support for the Black Lives Matter movement among Americans has jumped to 53% from 42% a month ago. So, just over half of American voters believe Black people have the right to live. Good news…? It’s a start.” —Stephen Colbert

“After three weeks of protests, “now it’s time to put our money where our mouth is…just as soon as we take the slave owners off the money. This moment of economic and social turmoil has offered America a tremendous opportunity, but to do what? There’s incremental reform, such as a bill introduced by House Democrats to ban police chokeholds. And there’s more radical reform, such as the popular call to ‘defund the police’, meaning to divert funding poured into police departments to other community resources such as mental health services, social services and education. Right now, because those other services have been under-funded for years, all of that eventually falls to the police. And that’s way too many things for them to be doing. It’s like in the Middle Ages: it wasn’t a good idea that your barber was also your dentist and your surgeon. And saying ‘defund the barber’ doesn’t mean no one’s getting haircuts —– although admittedly right now, no one’s getting haircuts.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

for the first time in his life, Mitt Romney tasted pepper (chanting on the downbeat)

“Hey, you know who was out there yesterday, marching with the protesters in Washington? America’s whitest man, Utah Senator Mitt Romney, marched to support Black Lives Matter — and to break in a new pair of penny loafers. It was a win-win.” —Jimmy Kimmel

“Senator Mitt Romney marched in a Black Lives Matter protest in Washington yesterday, which means that for the first time in his life, Mitt Romney tasted pepper.” —Seth Meyers

“When Mitt was spotted walking with thousands of people, everyone thought he was just taking his family to lunch.” —Jimmy Fallon

“That’s right, Mitt Romney marched with Black Lives Matter protesters — that’s like seeing the Wu-Tang Clan show up at a Kenny G concert.” —Jimmy Fallon

“Now you have your answer if you were wondering who kept chanting on the downbeat.” —Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html

“A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. 

A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

to get that information, Cheney admits that he had to waterboard himself (Live Free or Bi)

"How about that Dick Cheney? He's really quite busy here lately. He's talking. He says now that Saddam Hussein, listen to this, think about this, Saddam Hussein, who used to be the guy running the show there in Iraq, said Saddam Hussein had nothing to do with 9/11. Whoa. And to get that information, Cheney admits that he had to waterboard himself." --David Letterman

"Today in New Hampshire, the state Senate approved a bill that would help legalize same-sex marriage. Yeah. Their new state motto is 'Live Free or Bi.'" --Jimmy Fallon

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

I love America the way it's going to be (some light bulbs and $400 billion)

"Senator Hillary Clinton is back from her fact-finding trip to Iraq. She had to cut the trip short because she had to address a growing threat here at home -- Barack Obama." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence ... and then he had to leave to attend a fundraiser." --Jay Leno

"The Prime Minister of Iraq said he wants U.S. troops to withdraw from Iraq, but he wants them to leave their guns. Then he added, 'Oh, and we could also use some light bulbs and $400 billion.'" --Conan O'Brien

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

They're going to use Bush's analogy, where bin Laden is a Klingon and he's Captain Kirk (Taking a knee)

"Karl Rove's new talking point for the Republicans is that the terrorists are like the Nazis, and anyone against the Iraq War is like the appeasers before World War II. If that doesn't work they're going to use Bush's analogy, where bin Laden is a Klingon and he's Captain Kirk." --Bill Maher

"Dubai announced they will sell ownership of the six American ports to another investor. The bad news: It's Iran. This is the biggest setback for the Bush administration, well, all day." --Jay Leno

"Outspoken actor Alec Baldwin told Elle magazine that he's so desperate for a Democrat to be the next president that he would go a month without sex if it meant a Democrat would win the White House. And today Bill Clinton called him a fanatic, a lunatic, part of that kook fringe left. He must be stopped." --Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

with all the stress, he's gonna need to blow off some steam (Ticket Sales Matter)

"Hey, by the way, President Bush is on a trip to Asia, ladies and gentlemen. He will be spending the entire week in the Orient. Usually Bush is in the disorient." --David Letterman

"Actually, it was kind of a smart choice to pick Sarah Palin. McCain went with a woman because he didn't want to have to be in a position to have to get CPR from Mitt Romney." --Jay Leno

"It hasn't been a great week for Governor Eliot Spitzer. This is a guy who built a career crusading against corruption. He got caught on an FBI wiretap arranging for a $1,000-an-hour prostitute. Spitzer is named as 'Client #9.' Allegedly, Client #9 wired money to something called the Emperor's Club, which is an online service that provides high-end hookers to upscale gentlemen like my Uncle Frank. Client #9 deposited $4,300 into his account and then he had a two-hour interlude with a prostitute name 'Kristen.' Which I think means he has two thousand dollars of credit left over. That'll come in handy -- with all the stress, he's gonna need to blow off some steam." --Jimmy Kimmel

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

The New Triangle Trade (all bribe money has to be in a clear plastic bag)

"Evil Democrat Empire? I got news for you, if we're going to do the Star Wars analogy, the Democrats are, at best, Ewoks." --Jon Stewart, on a Republican spoof video comparing Democrats to the evil Empire in Star Wars

"Good news from the White House. President Bush last week had his annual physical and he passed. He passed his annual physical. No word yet on the mental." --David Letterman

"This week senators passed a limited ethics bill. It's something congress knows a lot about. Limited ethics. Some of the new rules are pretty tough, like from now on, all bribe money has to be in a clear plastic bag." --Jay Leno

A magisterial collection.

An emotional roller coaster.

Soon to be a cult classic.

A combination of Bukowski’s

Last Night On Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html