Which is part of a bigger experiment of what happens when you give scientists LSD (It’s Finger Losin’ Good!)

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has declared a state of emergency in preparation for Hurricane Joaquin. And Donald Trump declared a state of emergency as soon as he heard the name “Joaquin.” –Seth Meyers

A processing company that supplies chicken to KFC was fined this week after an employee lost two fingertips while on the job. Which explains their new slogan, “It’s Finger Losin’ Good!” –Seth Meyers

A team of scientists recently completed an experiment studying the effects of the drug MDMA on octopuses. Which is part of a bigger experiment of what happens when you give scientists LSD. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unfortunately, the study was conducted on the F train (What's your secret?)

A new study has found that 8 percent of Americans sleep naked. Unfortunately, the study was conducted on the F train. –Seth Meyers

A team of scientists recently completed an experiment studying the effects of the drug MDMA on octopuses. Which is part of a bigger experiment of what happens when you give scientists LSD. --Seth Meyers

The last polls before Scott Walker dropped out of the presidential race found the Wisconsin governor was polling at one half of 1 percent. Bobby Jindal said, “What's your secret?” –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

But enough talk. When do I take my clothes off? (Yeah, it took me a while to recover, too)

"A judge in New Jersey ruled that women can keep their husbands and boyfriends out of the delivery room while they are in labor. When asked if they'd mind leaving the room, husbands and boyfriends were already gone." –Jimmy Fallon

"In an interview with Playboy magazine, Dick Cheney criticized President Obama and said he's quote, 'the worst president of my lifetime, without question.' Then Cheney said, 'But enough talk. When do I take my clothes off?'" –Jimmy Fallon

Ted Cruz was just featured in Us Weekly’s “25 Things You Didn’t Know About Me” column. And on the list he revealed that he was once bitten by an octopus at the beach and got “terribly ill.” Then the octopus said, “Yeah, it took me a while to recover, too.” –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Officials became suspicious when they couldn't find any squid marks (One of them even lost an eye... 26)

During a campaign stop, a New Hampshire bar offered Marco Rubio what they called a “Marco Rubio burger.” It’s called the Marco Rubio burger because Chris Christie eats it for lunch. –Seth Meyers

Two elderly women in Canada this week got into a physical fight after they both wanted to sit in the same chair during a game of Bingo. One of them even lost an eye... 26. --Seth Meyers

The latest polls show President Trump has an approval rating in the low 40s, which means he’s probably about to dump it for one in the low 20s. –Seth Meyers

A motorist in the UK was arrested yesterday after he crashed his car while swerving to avoid hitting an octopus he claimed to have seen in the road. Officials became suspicious when they couldn't find any squid marks. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Really? Have you MET Congress? They're still finalizing the Louisiana Purchase (Ten tickles)

Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen yesterday dismissed demands that President Trump unilaterally end the practice of separating families at the border, and said, "Congress can fix this tomorrow." Really? Have you MET Congress? They're still finalizing the Louisiana Purchase. --Seth Meyers

NASCAR released a statement today calling for the removal of the Confederate flag from the South Carolina capitol. Released a statement? They should have sent a pit crew. That thing would be down in under nine seconds. –Seth Meyers

The big day finally arrived. Beyoncé gave birth to twins this weekend. And this is surprising: Their names are Kevin and Linda. –Seth Meyers

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Officials became suspicious when they couldn't find any squid marks (Shocking things liberals believe)

According to reports, President Trump and some of his allies have raised the possibility that Rudy Giuliani should do fewer television interviews following his recent appearances. Replied Giuliani, "Those were televised?! --Seth Meyers

Chocolate maker Hershey is reportedly expecting to cut its global workforce by about 15 percent. That’s right, for the first time ever, chocolate is giving up people for Lent. –Seth Meyers

According to NBC News, special counsel Robert Mueller’s team is expected to interview former White House chief strategist Steve Bannon by the end of the month. They’d do it sooner but they need to get their vaccines first. --Seth Meyers

A Tennessee man with the word "Psycho" tattooed on his forehead was arrested this week for stabbing someone in the stomach. Of course, if you have a tattoo on your forehead, no matter what it says, it says "Psycho." –Seth Meyers

A motorist in the UK was arrested yesterday after he crashed his car while swerving to avoid hitting an octopus he claimed to have seen in the road. Officials became suspicious when they couldn't find any squid marks. --Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/02/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Even that German octopus couldn't have predicted this (his Johnston)

"Bristol Palin and Levi Johnston announced they are engaged to be married. Can you believe that? Whew! Even that German octopus couldn't have predicted this." –Jay Leno

"But here's the interesting part. They're not having sex until after they are married, that's what they said. So let me get this straight. They had sex, she had a baby, now they're engaged and celibate. Isn't that backwards? It's like they're sexually dyslexic." –Jay Leno

"Actually, Bristol said the one thing she missed most about Levi – his Johnston." –Jay Leno

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2016/06/john-hulse-collected-poems-1985-2015.html “A magisterial collection. An emotional roller coaster. Soon to be a cult classic. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night On Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”