That's proof. He DID sleep with her (The Five People You Meet in H*ll)

"It's been reported that former Vice President Cheney is hard at work on his memoirs. It's called 'The Five People You Meet in Hell.'" --Conan O'Brien

You probably heard that Stormy Daniels' book is out. Stormy Daniels has written a memoir and she describes sex with Trump as the "least impressive sex" she's ever had. Once she heard this, Melania Trump said, "This confirms it. That's proof. He DID sleep with her." --Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Five People You Meet in H*ll (the difference between a chalupa and a chimichanga)

"Mel Martinez, the Senate's only Hispanic Republican, announced he's stepping down. When asked why, Martinez said, 'I'm sick of the other Republicans asking me the difference between a chalupa and a chimichanga.'" --Conan O'Brien

"It's been reported that former Vice President Cheney is hard at work on his memoirs. It's called 'The Five People You Meet in Hell.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Never mind, I found it (the foot-long hot dogs were only five inches)

It just came out that Pope Francis once said that there is no such thing as hell. And then he got stuck in Boarding Group C on Spirit Airlines and said, “Never mind, I found it.” --Jimmy Fallon

Today the Yankees had to postpone their home opener because of a snowstorm. You can tell it was cold because the foot-long hot dogs were only five inches. --Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's always inspiring to me when a new mother decides to remain in the workplace (The Five People You Meet in Hell)

Despite all of his sexist comments, 20 percent of Republican women still support Donald Trump. When asked why, the women said, "Because he's paying us alimony." –Conan O’Brien

"It's been reported that former Vice President Cheney is hard at work on his memoirs. It's called 'The Five People You Meet in Hell.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Photos of the royal baby's birth certificate have surfaced. Kate's occupation on the document is listed as 'princess.' It's always inspiring to me when a new mother decides to remain in the workplace." –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2025/04/thats-no-way-to-say-goodbye-new.html 

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

you clearly aren't familiar with how things work here in hell (Drop Acid Not Bombs!!)

Donald Trump Jr. is reportedly considering a run for president in 2028. And if you don't think he could win, you clearly aren't familiar with how things work here in hell. —Colin Jost

Experts say that President Trump's tariffs will raise the cost of a new car by as much as $12,000. Or you can get a free Tesla since people are throwing them away. —Colin Jost

Speaking of which, Tesla CEO and white Kanye Elon Musk wore a suit instead of a jacket and t shirt to this week’s cabinet meeting after President Trump made fun of his clothing. It's a refreshing reminder that bullying still works. —Colin Jost

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

MSNBC is happy to report they found a replacement for their 7 p.m. time slot (Heaven gained another angel today)

A wild brawl broke out at the Spirit Airlines gate at the Atlanta airport. As punishment every Spirit passenger was allowed to board their flight. —Greg Gutfeld

A Connecticut man who ate parts of another man that he murdered, has been granted supervised release from a mental hospital. While citizens are outraged, MSNBC is happy to report they found a replacement for their 7 p.m. time slot. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The stains (next of kin)

At a recent pressor President Trump started listing the most insane examples of government spending. The most egregious one of course was the six figures spent to have Jerry Nadler's pants let out. It still didn't work. The stains. —Greg Gutfeld

Australian Wildlife officials have decided to euthanize dozens of whales that were stranded on a beach. And today in fact, they had the difficult task of informing the whales next of kin on The View. —Greg Gutfeld

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

Hey! This is America! We measure things in Delawares (Wow, that is the worst thing ever to happen to Titanic)

Avengers: Endgame just beat the $2.12 Billion box office record set by Titanic. Wow, that is the worst thing ever to happen to Titanic. --Stephen Colbert

Texas is still dealing with the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey. And they will be for years. Meanwhile, another hurricane, Irma, is bearing down on Florida. It's the largest Atlantic hurricane ever reported. Experts say it's the size of France. Hey! This is America! We measure things in Delawares. –Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

This is the kind of thing that could damage their 10 percent approval rating (in honor of Columbus Day, Dick Cheney's cholesterol was 1492)

"Happy Columbus Day, ladies and gentlemen. By the way, in honor of Columbus Day, Dick Cheney's cholesterol was 1492." --David Letterman

"They say it's a partial government shutdown, and I can remember something similar happened. It was like the government was shut down for eight years when George W. Bush was president." –David Letterman

"People are saying now that before the government shutdown congressmen went out and got drunk – celebrating that they had shut down the government. This is the kind of thing that could damage their 10 percent approval rating." –David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski's Last Night of the Earth

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

At least steal the couch! (Thor Three/Theriously?)

This week, a woman in Tennessee walked into her home and found two burglars having sex on her couch. When they tried to run away, she yelled, “At least steal the couch!” –Jimmy Fallon

The third movie in the “Thor” series is going to be called “Thor: Ragnarok.” Mainly because calling it “Thor Three” would give everyone a speech impediment. "Theriously?" –Jimmy Fallon

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Five People You Meet in Hell (They’re hoping the attendance is better than last year when he got circumcised)

Yesterday, California banned the breeding of killer whales in captivity. Good news for orcas, bad news for the orca porn industry. –Conan O’Brien

A man is getting bar mitzvah’d at age 113. They’re hoping the attendance is better than last year when he got circumcised. –Conan O’Brien

"It's been reported that former Vice President Cheney is hard at work on his memoirs. It's called 'The Five People You Meet in Hell.'" --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Five People You Meet in Hell (One time in college)

"It's been reported that former Vice President Cheney is hard at work on his memoirs. It's called 'The Five People You Meet in Hell.'" --Conan O'Brien

"In order to acknowledge gay members, Facebook added two new relationship options: 'In a civil union' and 'In a domestic partnership.' Then, to make sure they didn’t miss anyone, they added 'One time in college.'" –Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2023/12/baby-baby-all-time-when-do-we-want.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It's to keep them from being high-fived to death (superhell)

"The identity of the Navy Seals that killed Osama bin Laden is being kept secret. It's for their own safety. It's to keep them from being high-fived to death." –Jimmy Kimmel

"A CNN poll showed that 61 percent of Americans think bin Laden is in hell. The other 39 percent think he's in superhell." –Jimmy Kimmel

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

It’s going to be soooo awkward when he runs into them in hell (Why are you mad about this but not this?)

Tim Scott has dropped out of the race, which means I can now confirm that Tim Scott was in the 2024 presidential race. —Stephen Colbert

One guy who will never drop out of the race even if he loses is Donald Trump. The former president pledged, in honor of veterans, to ‘root out the communists, Marxists, fascists and the radical left thugs who live like vermin within the confines of our country that lie and steal and cheat on elections and will do anything possible … to destroy America.’ If that chilling sentence rings a totalitarian bell, it’s because, as one historian pointed out, calling people ‘vermin’ was used effectively by Hitler and Mussolini. So he’s plagiarizing those guys. It’s going to be soooo awkward when he runs into them in hell. —Stephen Colbert

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

This confirms it. That's proof. He DID sleep with her (The Five People You Meet in Hell)

You probably heard that Stormy Daniels' book is out. Stormy

Daniels has written a memoir and she describes sex with

Trump as the "least impressive sex" she's ever had. Once

she heard this, Melania Trump said, "This confirms it.

That's proof. He DID sleep with her." --Conan O’Brien

"It's been reported that former Vice President Cheney is hard at work on his memoirs. It's called 'The Five People You Meet in Hell.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Former Vice President Dick Cheney is working on his memoirs. People say when the book comes out President Bush is not going to be happy. Not because the book is critical of Bush, but because it's one of those books that's all words." --Conan O'Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

He'll go back to the White House, but only if he can bring his assistant, Egor (taunted by a matador)

 

"Chris Christie has to brush up on foreign policy, so he went to Mexico. Remember when he was in Africa? He was followed by ivory poachers. Now he's in Mexico, and he was taunted by a matador." –David Letterman

"Now, we can't keep Dick Cheney quiet. He's talking about maybe running for president in 2012. And he says he's willing to return to the White House, he'll go back to the White House, but only if he can bring his assistant, Egor." --David Letterman

 

"Just about now Ken Lay should be arriving in hell." --David Letterman

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Historians are calling it the second worst thing to ever happen to Abraham Lincoln (The Five People You Meet in H*ll)

"Republican Congressman Phil Hinkle, who voted to ban gay marriage, was caught propositioning a male prostitute. Hinkle said, 'Well, I wasn’t going to marry him.'" –Conan O'Brien

"It's been reported that former Vice President Dick Cheney is hard at work on his memoirs. It's called 'The Five People You Meet in Hell.'" --Conan O'Brien

In Washington, D.C., yesterday, vandals spray-painted graffiti on the Lincoln Memorial. Historians are calling it the second worst thing to ever happen to Abraham Lincoln. –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.” 

 

She came in third — behind a bag of weed (The trick is to lift with your legs, not your back)

Bernie Sanders won last night's Oregon Democratic primary and this was a surprise. Hillary came in third — behind a bag of weed. –Seth Meyers

Hasbro has filed to trademark the scent of Play-Doh. Hasbro describes the scent as a "sweet, slightly musky vanilla fragrance with slight overtones of cherry, combined with the smell of a salted wheat-based dough." While kids are describing it as "delicious." --Seth Meyers

"A new poll finds that the majority of GOP voters say they can't see themselves supporting Chris Christie. The trick is to lift with your legs, not your back." –Seth Meyers

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

The Five People You Meet in Hell (This confirms it. That's proof. He DID sleep with her)

"It's been reported that former Vice President Dick Cheney is hard at work on his memoirs. It's called 'The Five People You Meet in Hell.'" --Conan O'Brien

The wife of Donald Trump’s ethics adviser was caught having sex in a car with a prison inmate. Can you believe that? Donald Trump has an ethics adviser. –Conan O’Brien

You probably heard that Stormy Daniels' book is out. Stormy Daniels has written a memoir and she describes sex with Trump as the "least impressive sex" she's ever had. Once she heard this, Melania Trump said, "This confirms it. That's proof. He DID sleep with her." --Conan O’Brien

The charity organization Oxfam is renting out President Trump’s childhood home to refugees. It’s pretty cool; they’ve already rented out a room to a refugee on the run named “Melania.” –Conan O’Brien

https://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/08/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”

 

Unfortunately, hell came to us (potted organ meat, battered fish and room-temperature beer)

July 2022

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it is hot. It is hot! Not just here in the U.S., but there are record-high temperatures all across the world. Seriously, it’s so hot, people on TikTok were slapping each other with tortillas just for the breeze.” —Jimmy Fallon

“It’s so hot right now, the fantasy suite on ‘The Bachelorette’ is just the back of an ice cream truck.” —Jimmy Fallon

“It is so hot, people are ordering Chipotle just so the E. coli can give them the chills.” —Jimmy Fallon

“The heat’s hitting the Brits extra hard, because the Brits aren’t used to extreme weather, and the houses over there — especially older ones — were built to retain warmth. Now luckily, Brits can keep cool with their light and refreshing cuisine of potted organ meat, battered fish and room-temperature beer.” —Stephen Colbert

“The US is also experiencing an extreme heatwave, as nearly 20% of the population will likely see a temperature at or above 100 degrees this week. Remember when you wished that everybody who denied climate change would go to hell? Unfortunately, hell came to us.” —Stephen Colbert

http://idiocracy23.blogspot.com/2022/03/1001-ways-to-make-america-great-and.html

“A magisterial collection. A combination of Bukowski’s Last Night of the Earth 

and Orwell’s 1984.”